Re: Did nada pull your hair out?

[Guest guest]

GirlScout,

My nada would pull my hair in anger. A great big wad of it but she

never pulled it out. She was very careful that her abuse never caused

physical evidence. Just pain on the inside.

She did, however, ALWAYS zip my and my sister's chins up in our winter

coats. Y'know, zip the coat up really fast and I'd be watching her zip

it and zzzzzzzzzziiiip! Ouch, right into my chin. Every time.

Sometimes she'd even do it so hard that it would cut the skin.

Needless to say, I learned how to do it on my own really quickly. And

then I would do my sister's so she didn't get a bloody chin. 'Course

it was always my fault that I didn't get out of the way and she

couldn't see when she was getting to the top.

Mercy

>

> I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD.

[Guest guest]

My nada did not pull my hair out (that sounds awful!), but she was

obsessed with my hair nonetheless. I was a teenager in the 60s-70s and

all my friends had long hair. I fought to grow my hair long, but then

my nada made me tie it up so tight that I got headaches. I looked very

severe and stiff. Eventually I just learned to undo her " bun " at

school and tie it back up on my way home. Again a stupid control

issue, but it did impact my self-esteem.

>

> I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't

remember

> nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up

until the

> last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

>

> When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

> grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It

made me

> furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something,

like

> reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out

by the

> root.

>

> I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an

audience -

> either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair

per day

> or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me

after that

> the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of

my head

> and so she was helping me look better.

>

> It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

experience

> and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

>

> I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot

when I was

> 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's so weird. My nada wouldn't ever let me grow my hair and told me it

looked horrible long etc. . . I remember sitting in the barber's chair and

crying when they turned me around to show me my short haircut that she had

insisted on. Now my hair is long and healthy and I love it. I suspect she

was just too lazy to help me brush or style it.

>

> My nada did not pull my hair out (that sounds awful!), but she was

> obsessed with my hair nonetheless. I was a teenager in the 60s-70s and

> all my friends had long hair. I fought to grow my hair long, but then

> my nada made me tie it up so tight that I got headaches. I looked very

> severe and stiff. Eventually I just learned to undo her " bun " at

> school and tie it back up on my way home. Again a stupid control

> issue, but it did impact my self-esteem.

>

>

> >

> > I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't

> remember

> > nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up

> until the

> > last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

> >

> > When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

> > grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It

> made me

> > furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something,

> like

> > reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out

> by the

> > root.

> >

> > I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an

> audience -

> > either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair

> per day

> > or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me

> after that

> > the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of

> my head

> > and so she was helping me look better.

> >

> > It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

> experience

> > and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

> >

> > I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot

> when I was

> > 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did pull my hair

back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the little balls on them. I

remember it felt like I was being scalped. She would rake and rake at my hair

to pull every one of them back. It was like getting a face lift at 5 years old

my hair was pulled so tight. It was such an ordeal every morning and my hair

would hurt when I put my head down on the pillow at night. It's the wonder I'm

not bald.

Did nada pull your hair out?

I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't remember

nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up until the

last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It made me

furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something, like

reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out by the

root.

I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an audience -

either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair per day

or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me after that

the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of my head

and so she was helping me look better.

It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this experience

and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot when I was

4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

[Guest guest]

Wow, what is it with bpds and hair? My mom actually named the comb and brush

she used on us - they were " the club " and " the rake " I think my brother got

the worse clubbing because he had very curly hair.

>

> I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did pull my

> hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the little balls on

> them. I remember it felt like I was being scalped. She would rake and rake

> at my hair to pull every one of them back. It was like getting a face lift

> at 5 years old my hair was pulled so tight. It was such an ordeal every

> morning and my hair would hurt when I put my head down on the pillow at

> night. It's the wonder I'm not bald.

>

>

>

> Did nada pull your hair out?

>

> I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't remember

> nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up until

> the

> last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

>

> When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

> grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It made

> me

> furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something, like

> reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out by

> the

> root.

>

> I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an audience -

> either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair per

> day

> or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me after

> that

> the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of my

> head

> and so she was helping me look better.

>

> It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

> experience

> and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

>

> I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot when I

> was

> 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Girlscout...

I remember getting burned by accident quite often with the curling iron when I

was very young...we still lived in Virginia Beach then and we moved from there

when I was 5. She had this thing about curling my hair...which was already wavy

on it's own.

I don't remember getting my hair pulled so much, but when I was 7 she got mad

at me and cut my ponytail off. I had to get it fixed at a barbershop...I looked

like a scrawny boy. So not cute, and I knew it. Plus, since I'm a redhead, she

had this thing that I shouldn't wear pink or red at all, so I had a lot of blue

and green clothing that made me look even MORE like a boy.

She did, though, insist on being the one to do my hair at least until I was

12. I hated it...I much preferred to do it on my own because it came out better

that way.

Ninera

Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't remember

nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up until the

last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It made me

furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something, like

reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out by the

root.

I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an audience -

either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair per day

or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me after that

the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of my head

and so she was helping me look better.

It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this experience

and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot when I was

4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

[Guest guest]

Tag,

Yeah, I got the facelifting ponytails too. Nada also used to fumble

with those elastics with the baubles on them (the kind like you

mentioned) and 'accidentally' let go after she had wrapped it around

a few times. Boy those suckers hurt when you got popped in the head

with them.

I also couldn't stand to watch her brush my sister's hair. She'd

yell at her " If you don't stand still, I'm gonna snatch you bald,

young lady! " My baby sis would try not to cry as nada brushed her

hair so hard her little head would snap back. Soon as I had sense

enough to step in, I would brush out her hair before nada got to it.

Mercy

>

> >

> > I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did

pull my

> > hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the

little balls on

> > them.

[Guest guest]

It's nice to not have that giant eyeball of disapproval staring down

at us! My hair is thin & unexceptional, but I wear it the way I choose

and I have a collection of fun hats! I think nadas just can't tolerate

their daughters wanting to be different. I was desperate to be

different. I hated the way she controlled me. Yet I never could fully

separate from her until my recent NC. I really don't miss my family at

all--I don't miss having a warden.

> > >

> > > I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't

> > remember

> > > nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up

> > until the

> > > last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

> > >

> > > When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part

of normal

> > > grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It

> > made me

> > > furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something,

> > like

> > > reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out

> > by the

> > > root.

> > >

> > > I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an

> > audience -

> > > either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair

> > per day

> > > or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me

> > after that

> > > the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of

> > my head

> > > and so she was helping me look better.

> > >

> > > It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

> > experience

> > > and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

> > >

> > > I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot

> > when I was

> > > 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I bet your hair is beautiful. Don't let the big hairy warden eyeball tell

you any differently. I realized that a lot of mother's tell their daughters

they have horrible hair one day when I was talking to 2 girls with

dreadlocks. They said they had dreads because they couldn't stand their hair

and didn't even want to touch it. One had gorgeous naturally wavy blonde

hair and the other thick brunette hair. I always thought I had horrible hair

too and sometimes I have to look at pictures and such to prove to myself

that it isn't deformed. But, I'm getting better with that. So, don't believe

it.

Girlscout

>

> It's nice to not have that giant eyeball of disapproval staring down

> at us! My hair is thin & unexceptional, but I wear it the way I choose

> and I have a collection of fun hats! I think nadas just can't tolerate

> their daughters wanting to be different. I was desperate to be

> different. I hated the way she controlled me. Yet I never could fully

> separate from her until my recent NC. I really don't miss my family at

> all--I don't miss having a warden.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't

> > > remember

> > > > nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up

> > > until the

> > > > last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

> > > >

> > > > When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part

> of normal

> > > > grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It

> > > made me

> > > > furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something,

> > > like

> > > > reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out

> > > by the

> > > > root.

> > > >

> > > > I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an

> > > audience -

> > > > either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair

> > > per day

> > > > or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me

> > > after that

> > > > the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of

> > > my head

> > > > and so she was helping me look better.

> > > >

> > > > It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

> > > experience

> > > > and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

> > > >

> > > > I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot

> > > when I was

> > > > 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

I'm still amazed at how many weird similarities there are in these posts. Even

bizarre details like the word " rake. " Too weird.

Did nada pull your hair out?

>

> I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I don't remember

> nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it, but up until

> the

> last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

>

> When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as part of normal

> grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was unacceptable. It made

> me

> furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on something, like

> reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and rip it out by

> the

> root.

>

> I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have an audience -

> either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did one hair per

> day

> or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always tell me after

> that

> the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking straight out of my

> head

> and so she was helping me look better.

>

> It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had this

> experience

> and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting in/out.

>

> I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an awful lot when I

> was

> 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

>

>

[Guest guest]

What the hell is going on? I can't believe this. I got beaned all the time

with those little plastic suckers. And the term " snatch you bald " - I'm very

familier with that one. My nada found out that one of my aunts used to bash her

daughter in the head with the brush when she wouldn't sit still and she used to

threaten me with it all the time. One time, she finally knocked me right on the

top of the head with the brush - strange dmeaningless detail - it was a purple

Fuller brush brush.

Tag

Re: Did nada pull your hair out?

Tag,

Yeah, I got the facelifting ponytails too. Nada also used to fumble

with those elastics with the baubles on them (the kind like you

mentioned) and 'accidentally' let go after she had wrapped it around

a few times. Boy those suckers hurt when you got popped in the head

with them.

I also couldn't stand to watch her brush my sister's hair. She'd

yell at her " If you don't stand still, I'm gonna snatch you bald,

young lady! " My baby sis would try not to cry as nada brushed her

hair so hard her little head would snap back. Soon as I had sense

enough to step in, I would brush out her hair before nada got to it.

Mercy

>

> >

> > I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did

pull my

> > hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the

little balls on

> > them.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

How about this for a book title: Tampons and Hair Brush Clubs: The Tools of

Abuse in Borderline Personality Disorder

>

> What the hell is going on? I can't believe this. I got beaned all the

> time with those little plastic suckers. And the term " snatch you bald " -

> I'm very familier with that one. My nada found out that one of my aunts

> used to bash her daughter in the head with the brush when she wouldn't sit

> still and she used to threaten me with it all the time. One time, she

> finally knocked me right on the top of the head with the brush - strange

> dmeaningless detail - it was a purple Fuller brush brush.

>

> Tag

>

>

>

> Re: Did nada pull your hair out?

>

> Tag,

> Yeah, I got the facelifting ponytails too. Nada also used to fumble

> with those elastics with the baubles on them (the kind like you

> mentioned) and 'accidentally' let go after she had wrapped it around

> a few times. Boy those suckers hurt when you got popped in the head

> with them.

>

> I also couldn't stand to watch her brush my sister's hair. She'd

> yell at her " If you don't stand still, I'm gonna snatch you bald,

> young lady! " My baby sis would try not to cry as nada brushed her

> hair so hard her little head would snap back. Soon as I had sense

> enough to step in, I would brush out her hair before nada got to it.

>

> Mercy

>

> >

> > >

> > > I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did

> pull my

> > > hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the

> little balls on

> > > them.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

ROFL!!

I'm not just the founder of the Hair Brush Club for BPDs, I'm a

member! (insert cheesy smile here - holding up Fuller Brush and

elasitic torture devices with baubles)

Very Good Scout!

> >

> > What the hell is going on? I can't believe this. I got beaned

all the

> > time with those little plastic suckers. And the term " snatch you

bald " -

> > I'm very familier with that one. My nada found out that one of

my aunts

> > used to bash her daughter in the head with the brush when she

wouldn't sit

> > still and she used to threaten me with it all the time. One

time, she

> > finally knocked me right on the top of the head with the brush -

strange

> > dmeaningless detail - it was a purple Fuller brush brush.

> >

> > Tag

[Guest guest]

That's hillarious!!

> > > >

> > > > I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did

> > pull my

> > > > hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the

> > little balls on

> > > > them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> > http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OMG, I can see the poster now!

NOOOO, not a tampon! Get it away! AAAAARGH! Here comes the brush, look out!

>

> ROFL!!

> I'm not just the founder of the Hair Brush Club for BPDs, I'm a

> member! (insert cheesy smile here - holding up Fuller Brush and

> elasitic torture devices with baubles)

>

> Very Good Scout!

>

>

> > >

> > > What the hell is going on? I can't believe this. I got beaned

> all the

> > > time with those little plastic suckers. And the term " snatch you

> bald " -

> > > I'm very familier with that one. My nada found out that one of

> my aunts

> > > used to bash her daughter in the head with the brush when she

> wouldn't sit

> > > still and she used to threaten me with it all the time. One

> time, she

> > > finally knocked me right on the top of the head with the brush -

> strange

> > > dmeaningless detail - it was a purple Fuller brush brush.

> > >

> > > Tag

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just had an idea! You know how you wear garlands of garlic around your

neck to get rid of vampires? How about we make garlands of tampons to put

around our necks to scare off the BPDs?

>

> That's hillarious!!

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't remember one or two hairs being pulled, but my nada did

> > > pull my

> > > > > hair back into a ponytail with those elastic bands with the

> > > little balls on

> > > > > them.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> __________________________________________________________

> > > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

It's just eerie to me how similar so many stories are!

My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about age 6.

Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does your

son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough but I

think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was getting

way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

LJ

[Guest guest]

What is the BPD thing about hair? I swear sometimes that if I hear

one more comment about my hair, I'll strangle her.

> > > >

> > > > I've been reading about hair pulling as a symptom of BPD. I

don't

> > > remember

> > > > nada pulling out her own hair, though I wouldn't doubt it,

but up

> > > until the

> > > > last time I saw her, she would rip my hair out by the roots!

> > > >

> > > > When I was a child, I thought that every mother did it as

part

> of normal

> > > > grooming, but as i got older I realized that it was

unacceptable. It

> > > made me

> > > > furious. She would wait until I was relaxed or focused on

something,

> > > like

> > > > reading a book, and then she would grab a single hair and

rip it out

> > > by the

> > > > root.

> > > >

> > > > I can't remember a time when she did it when she didn't have

an

> > > audience -

> > > > either my dad or a family friend in the room. She only did

one hair

> > > per day

> > > > or so, so I never really lost any hair. She would always

tell me

> > > after that

> > > > the hair she ripped out was out of place or sticking

straight out of

> > > my head

> > > > and so she was helping me look better.

> > > >

> > > > It really bugged me! I'm curious to know if anyone else had

this

> > > experience

> > > > and if it could be part of the self destructive BPD acting

in/out.

> > > >

> > > > I also remember her burning me with the curling iron an

awful lot

> > > when I was

> > > > 4 or 5. Anyone else have that happen?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Ok. Hello everyone. I joined this group about a week ago and I have

been reading all your emails ( so many...) I will eventually post a

proper introduction but for now I would like to add my 2 cents with

respect to the HAIR PULLING. Along with chasing me with a fly swatter,

belittling me in front of ANYONE and EVERYONE, and throwing inanimate

objects at my head... this was one of her (will not call her mother

and I'm not feeling the Nada thing -- this woman was not nothing to

me, she consumed me) favorite pastimes.

She loved to pull my hair. Did it daily and sometimes twice a day. I

hated it and yet, I had no defense against it. If she was throwing

things, I could duck and cover. If she was chasing me, I could run. If

she was belittling me, I could be sarcastic or try to humiliate her as

well. But when someone is pulling your hair, the only thing you can do

is... go with it. If you try to pull away, it just hurts more. I have

never and will never strike her. I have bottled up so much rage

against this woman that I fear that if I were to ever uncork it, I

would surely kill her.

She would also go crazy brushing and combing my hair. Just ripping at

it. She either could not comprehend how painful this was or she

enjoyed it. My guess would be the latter. (My hair was always long --

my father's mandate.)

I don't remember any ponytails. But instead of elastic headbands, she

would make me wear plastic ones which were always a little small and

they would dig into my temples causing painful headaches. Eventually,

once out of her sight, I would take off the headband and break it.

When I returned home, she would rage. Pull my hair, smack me in the

face, she would even spit on me. Then she would pull out another

torturous headband and slap it on my head -- she must have bought them

by the hundred. This went on for quite awhile, then, at some point she

decided that instead of waiting for me to come home, she would come

outside to find me playing with my friends. She would then produce the

dreaded headband, and say something to the effect of " Looks like you

lost you're headband, Toots " and snap it on my head. It was so

embarrassing. Not just the headband but the Toots -- short for

Tootsie. My friends would laugh and call me Toots. I hated her.

My Father told me last week that he once tried to leave her and take

us kids. She told him that if he left, she would kill his children.

How about that Medea move? He should have left her anyway. She was and

still is a low-functioning BPP. Very intimated by authority figures

and intellectuals. Even fifty years ago, I don't believe she could

have kept her sh!t together in court.

Thank you all for being here.

Ishy

[Guest guest]

Oh that happened to me too! She kept all my sisters hair very short and actually

dressed me in boy clothing. EVERYONE thought I was a boy. She would not allow my

sisters and I to bnathe regualarly, have anything to groom ourselevs with,

refused to let us have anything at all that would make us feel feminine. I tell

ya, she treated us like we were competition for any man in the world. She abused

ALL of us but, once we turned the age of eleven and up, the abuse took on a

sexual nature. Instead of calling us rotten brats, she then began calling us

sluts and whores. She is a warped deviant and I hope Karma annhilates her.

L D wrote: It's just eerie to me how similar

so many stories are!

My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about age 6.

Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does your

son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough but I

think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was getting

way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

LJ

---------------------------------

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

That's horrible, not allowing you to even bathe or feel like a

girl. I'm glad my BPD didn't do that. I very much was encouraged to

impress men and be girlish. To the point of it being unhealthy.

Yours must have been terrified that you would be attractive to some

man! Was she sexually abused?

My mom was odd that way. In that she'd praise overweight girls by

saying that now they were safe from sin, and that would get them to

heaven...weird reasoning. However, it was more important to her

that we look good...make her look good. So, did that mean that we

were in danger of not going to heaven? The mixed messages were

insane...be fat and go to heaven...don't be fat that's worthless,

embarrasing to her. When I gained a little weight she began to

introduce me as " my fat daughter...but, she's working on it. " I told

her finally and probably a million times before she got it, " I'm not

going anywhere with you...you introduce me as the fat daughter.

It's rude! You don't talk about people like that. " Once again,

being her mother and telling her how to behave.

It's just eerie to me how

similar so many stories are!

>

> My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about age

6.

> Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does

your

> son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough but

I

> think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was

getting

> way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

>

> LJ

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are really insightful! I don't know if she was sexually abused but I have

suspected that for years. I do know that her father died when she was about

12-14. She has always been very jealous of any man in her life and HATED when my

father paid any attention to us. My Nada hated that my sisters were thin, she

would tell every overweight girl that they were beautiful and us " others " were

ugly (she had a weight problem for years). It's terrible what your Nada would

say to you. One question...didn't anyone that she introduced you to confront her

on that remark? If anyone said that to me about their child I would immediately

either confront her or compliment the child right away. Do you still talk to

your Nada? Has she ever apologized for anything?

friendsofcam wrote: That's horrible, not

allowing you to even bathe or feel like a

girl. I'm glad my BPD didn't do that. I very much was encouraged to

impress men and be girlish. To the point of it being unhealthy.

Yours must have been terrified that you would be attractive to some

man! Was she sexually abused?

My mom was odd that way. In that she'd praise overweight girls by

saying that now they were safe from sin, and that would get them to

heaven...weird reasoning. However, it was more important to her

that we look good...make her look good. So, did that mean that we

were in danger of not going to heaven? The mixed messages were

insane...be fat and go to heaven...don't be fat that's worthless,

embarrasing to her. When I gained a little weight she began to

introduce me as " my fat daughter...but, she's working on it. " I told

her finally and probably a million times before she got it, " I'm not

going anywhere with you...you introduce me as the fat daughter.

It's rude! You don't talk about people like that. " Once again,

being her mother and telling her how to behave.

It's just eerie to me how

similar so many stories are!

>

> My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about age

6.

> Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does

your

> son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough but

I

> think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was

getting

> way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

>

> LJ

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks. No. people wouldn't confront her. They'd just look at her

stunned. She has never apologized for that. However, she has for

several hurtful things she's done. That surprised me.

It's like your nada carried this giant chip on her father about

losing her dad or something. Her jealousy was beyond un-reasonable.

To be jealous of your children when their father pays attention to

them is very destructive. You needed your father's attention. I

would be grateful to have such a father for my children. And then

it sounds like she was also jealous of thin girls. It's common

though for girls who were sexually abused as children to be confused

about relationships with their husbands and children, and also to

become overweight as a protection from further abuse. I don't know

if that's the case or not. Still she just sounds like a person

carrying a huge and deep grudge in her life. From which she had

never let go.

It's just eerie to me how

> similar so many stories are!

> >

> > My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about

age

> 6.

> > Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does

> your

> > son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough

but

> I

> > think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was

> getting

> > way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

> >

> > LJ

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> Yahoo! Search.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That makes me so mad! They should at least have taken you aside and have tried

to reassure you somehow. I know that some abusive parents are intimidating to

other people but still they could have found a way to talk to you in private.

You really have hit the nail on the head about my Nada. She has major issues

regarding men and hates most young girls. Here's one example, not the worst by

far but it stuck in my mind because I was witnessing her do it to a complete

stranger.

I had invited some relatives over to see my new apartment. I hadn't invited

her but somehow she found out and showed up. So she came in a plucked her butt

down on my couch. One of the guests was an 11 year old girl named . The

girl harmlessly went over to the couch and sat next to Nada. I saw immediate

fury in Nada face. As each second passed you could see that her unprovoked

hatred for the girl was escalating. She would look over at the girl and it was

like Nadas irrational rage boiled with every second. The girl was very polite

this whole time, said nothing to Nada, and did nothing rude at all. Nada waited

until all the adults (or as I like to call them " witnesses " ) left the room. The

girl inadvertently dropped a few crumbs of a cracker on the floor. Nada snapped

at her with a hateful voice " Don't dirty this floor. Clean it now " . That might

not seem like a big deal to others but you didn't witness the sheer hatred and

rage in her voice. Fact is, Nada has some

illogical venom towards girls between the ages of 11-15. Don't know why, but

she hated us with a demonic passion.

Here's an example that happened to me when I was about 11: Nada approached me

one day out of the blue. She cornered me in bathroom. She leaned forward into my

ear and, with a hate that made my skin crawl, said " Your father saw you walking

down the hallway and NOW I HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO A SPECIALIST " ! Some background

info, I was born with misformed ankles and had to wear braces. Nothing major, I

only had to wear them at night. Years later they still weren't corrected so my

Dad wanted me to go back to a doctor.

I couldn't believe the hate in her voice. She was furious! Back then I thought

I had done something wrong but now I know that...

1) It isn't might fault that my legs were misformed at birth

2) I didn't do it to get attention even if she claims I did

3) My sisters cooked and cleaned which left Nada with nothing to do all day

but rage. She definitely had the time to take me to the doctor but, out of sheer

malice, never did it.

4) My father worked really hard and was great provider. She had the money to

take me as well.

She resented that my father showed any love or concern about me. That's why

she was so maliciously angry. Sorry, know this is a long post but I feel like

I'm finally in a room with people that understand. Thanks for listening.

friendsofcam wrote:

Thanks. No. people wouldn't confront her. They'd just look at her

stunned. She has never apologized for that. However, she has for

several hurtful things she's done. That surprised me.

It's like your nada carried this giant chip on her father about

losing her dad or something. Her jealousy was beyond un-reasonable.

To be jealous of your children when their father pays attention to

them is very destructive. You needed your father's attention. I

would be grateful to have such a father for my children. And then

it sounds like she was also jealous of thin girls. It's common

though for girls who were sexually abused as children to be confused

about relationships with their husbands and children, and also to

become overweight as a protection from further abuse. I don't know

if that's the case or not. Still she just sounds like a person

carrying a huge and deep grudge in her life. From which she had

never let go.

It's just eerie to me how

> similar so many stories are!

> >

> > My mother cut all my hair off so I looked like a boy at about

age

> 6.

> > Literally the waitresses in restaurants would say " and what does

> your

> > son want? " It was supposedly because I didn't brush it enough

but

> I

> > think it was because at age 6 her long blond haired girl was

> getting

> > way too much attention and she had to " fix " that problem.

> >

> > LJ

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> Yahoo! Search.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

>

> Ok. Hello everyone. I joined this group about a week ago and I have

> been reading all your emails ( so many...) I will eventually post a

> proper introduction but for now I would like to add my 2 cents with

> respect to the HAIR PULLING. Along with chasing me with a fly

swatter,

> belittling me in front of ANYONE and EVERYONE, and throwing

inanimate

> objects at my head... this was one of her (will not call her mother

> and I'm not feeling the Nada thing -- this woman was not nothing to

> me, she consumed me) favorite pastimes.

>

> She loved to pull my hair. Did it daily and sometimes twice a day. I

> hated it and yet, I had no defense against it. If she was throwing

> things, I could duck and cover. If she was chasing me, I could run.

If

> she was belittling me, I could be sarcastic or try to humiliate her

as

> well. But when someone is pulling your hair, the only thing you can

do

> is... go with it. If you try to pull away, it just hurts more. I

have

> never and will never strike her. I have bottled up so much rage

> against this woman that I fear that if I were to ever uncork it, I

> would surely kill her.

>

> She would also go crazy brushing and combing my hair. Just ripping

at

> it. She either could not comprehend how painful this was or she

> enjoyed it. My guess would be the latter. (My hair was always long -

-

> my father's mandate.)

>

> I don't remember any ponytails. But instead of elastic headbands,

she

> would make me wear plastic ones which were always a little small and

> they would dig into my temples causing painful headaches.

Eventually,

> once out of her sight, I would take off the headband and break it.

> When I returned home, she would rage. Pull my hair, smack me in the

> face, she would even spit on me. Then she would pull out another

> torturous headband and slap it on my head -- she must have bought

them

> by the hundred. This went on for quite awhile, then, at some point

she

> decided that instead of waiting for me to come home, she would come

> outside to find me playing with my friends. She would then produce

the

> dreaded headband, and say something to the effect of " Looks like you

> lost you're headband, Toots " and snap it on my head. It was so

> embarrassing. Not just the headband but the Toots -- short for

> Tootsie. My friends would laugh and call me Toots. I hated her.

>

> My Father told me last week that he once tried to leave her and take

> us kids. She told him that if he left, she would kill his children.

> How about that Medea move? He should have left her anyway. She was

and

> still is a low-functioning BPP. Very intimated by authority figures

> and intellectuals. Even fifty years ago, I don't believe she could

> have kept her sh!t together in court.

>

> Thank you all for being here.

>

> Ishy

>