Life with my Brother

[Guest guest]

Hi

I apologize for not posting but like most of you time and energy are at an all

me low.

I have been working with the county Elder Abuse agency, Elder Law Attorney,

Senior Case Managers and Social Workers and the Geriatric Clinic to find a way

to get my brother into a safe and healthy living environment these past months.

He is currently in senior independent apartments.

At first I had to fight to get the health POA activated even after the Geriatric

Doc said at the appointment to activate it. Even with an activated POA in place

I had no legal say or " control " in placing my brother into a safe and healthy

living environment. Two months ago he had decided to not sign his lease. He

wanted to move closer to his buddies from high school days so he could hang out

and shoot hoops with them.

The last two months have been a roller coaster ride. I am at his apartment

daily to keep him safe, especially in this hot weather and him playing with the

air conditioner controls. All my energy has gone into locating an assisted

living facility that would meet his needs and work with me on keeping it from

him that it is assisted living. He has told all professionals that have talked

to him that he will not and does not need a baby sister and refused to look at

any facilities.

I found a family oriented facility, went on a tour and had a second one with my

husband and daughter to see. An apartment had just opened that would work with

the time frame for my brother to vacate his current apartment. What followed

was what I reefer to as a covert operation and I must admit that part of me has

a hard time with not being totally honest with my brother about things. But

only for his safety and well being, no personal gain for me or others.

Since my brother is so adamant about assisted living I had to set up a plan to

get him to look at the apartment while getting an Admissions Interview in the

process all without his knowledge.

I took him out for a shopping trip followed by gassing up the van. I then said

since we are in the area lets drive around and see if there are any apartments

for rent. They had out an Open House sign so we pulled in and asked if they had

any apartments available that we could look at. The sales director spent two

hours with us. He showed us the available apartment, walked through the whole

facility, introduced us to staff and residents, invited us to lunch and in the

process did the Admissions Interview. My brother loved it, he enjoyed talking

with everyone and totally enjoyed the food. As we were eating he said,

" everyone looks so happy and they enjoy the food. This looks like a family

getting together, like a family reunion " . God bless him, his word finding is

usually very difficult but he sure captured what we saw perfectly.

On the way home he talked about maybe just buying a house. He has three weeks

to vacate and his ability to logic things out is totally out of focus.

Knowing he liked what he saw and enjoyed being around the staff and other

residents I moved forward and set up an appointment to further discuss occupancy

and the need for keeping certain information from my brother. I finally had

found a professional staff that understood the special care, skills and

techniques required when dealing with dementia client. I put down the deposit

and moved forward to the next step which was the TB test.

I told my brother that the clinic had called me because they tried getting a

hold of him but he must have been out. I kept it simple but told him it was a

blood test his doctor had ordered. Two days later I took him back to have it

checked out. It was a bad morning for him, he had started out by calling us

around 6am. He was totally mixed up, angry and as he says " erpy " . I find when

he gets like that it is anxiety rearing its ugly head. I talked him down and

suggested he try a peppermint for his tummy and lay down for a while

since we would not pick him up for four more hours. I was able to let him vent

on the drive to the clinic and by the time we got there he was doing fine. We

went shopping at the thrift bakery and by the time I got him home we were

talking about his move. Up to this time he had good things to say about the new

place but never committed, he always felt he could get a better deal some place.

He finally committed and I told him I would call them and let them know he would

take the apartment. When I left that day we stopped in the front office so he

could give them confirmation to vacate with in the next week or so. Since I

already had the movers set up for next Thursday I was so very thankful that he

signed on to moving to this place. I wanted him to feel like it was his choice

and decision that he is

still in charge of his life.

All the professionals I was working with wanted me to take him to court for

Guardianship, they never thought he would willingly go. I put a lot of time and

planning into every step of the way and so far so good. Down the line I may

have to go for Guardianship but right now I couldn't see taking him to court and

having him listen to professionals and his sister saying he was

incompetent and needed a Guardian.

This is only a piece of life as my brothers caregiver and I know there will be

more challenges as each day passes. I pray for the mental, emotional, physical

and spiritual strength to provide for him and make sure he has everything he

would have wanted and deserved if dementia had not robbed him of the ability to

make his own healthy choices.

Thank you for listening

Hugz, Love and God Bless

Marilyn from Wisconsin