Re: Mother feigning need for caretaking

February 27, 2008

> She is telling me how much care she is going to need and that she

> feels herself slipping away, her memory is going. But, this

> wanes. For awhile, she will act her normal old self. Suddenly,

she

> is saying " I feel my memory is slipping. " And she can't do a thing

> for herself.

" Well, Mom, maybe while you still have your faculties about you, you

might like to come pick out a nursing home, since you seem to need some

extra help. "

I guess that's for if you think she is faking to get you to hang

around. :-P

February 27, 2008

friendsofcam,

People that are losing their memory do not have the ability to recognize it as

such. smells

like a scam to me

>

> I have been talking of moving a little further away from my BPD

> mother. Suddenly, she is driving me crazy with becoming senile.

> I remember her doing something similar years ago when I was in college.

> She is telling me how much care she is going to need and that she

> feels herself slipping away, her memory is going. But, this

> wanes. For awhile, she will act her normal old self. Suddenly, she

> is saying " I feel my memory is slipping. " And she can't do a thing

> for herself. Oh, brother. She is in her 70's and is at a time where

> it is possible that she would develop dementia. But, I really feel

> like she is helping this along. I'm not sure how to handle her. I

> thought that maybe I would pretend that I was not going to move until

> the last minute and move one day. Then, I'm afraid she'll suddenly

> be so senile that she'll be in the hospital. Honestly, sometimes, I

> hate my mother!

>

February 27, 2008

Honestly, sometimes, I hate my mother!

>

**********

I feel that way alot. I think my mother has always had BPD, but then

she had a brain aneurysm, and things just got worse. Her father died

at 50, so she thinks she should have died at 50 too. So for 18 years

we have put up with going from wanting us to do everything for her

because she is soooo confused, but only help her the way she wants to

be helped; to being so " independant " that she doesn't need our fu%* & %

help, she wants to die, and until then, she will do what she wants. We

are never sure if she is really confused or acting, because the

senility comes on at such convenient manipulative times for her.

When a doctor tells her something she doesn't want to hear, like she

needs to take anti-pyschotic medicine, or seizure medicine, she just

goes to a new doctor. She will not get tested again since the last

test confirmed BPD. When my father had health problems for years, I

had no problem helping him. But my mother is bitter, mean and crazy

that I hate to help her. All I think about is all the spiteful and

neglectful things she did to me, that I find it hard to come up enough

compassion to do any more than the bare minimum to help her.

B.

February 27, 2008

! I understand completely!! my mother also had a brain aneurysm

(it's still there, she's so large that she can't fit on any operating

tables for them to take care of it... we had to drive from Florida to

Buffalo NY to get someone to do any type of procedure, and then all

they've done is wrap some type of coils around it to keep it from

growing larger)

anyway! She makes me feel the same exact way that you described.

She's in the hospital right now and she's having a fairly risky surgery

(because of her size) and I have NO compassion whatsoever for what

she's going through. I feel absolutely nothing when someone says " this

is a very risky procedure " or when they say other things about what

could go wrong... NOTHING. I'm past the point of being concerned

about her health.

February 27, 2008

Hah! The nursing home thing! My nada's mom had pretty severe

Alzheimer's disease, and was in a nursing home for the last eight years

of her life. On the drive home after one of our visits, my nada turned

to me and said, " Promise me you'll never put me in a nursing home. " I

looked at her and supressed the urge to say " Like he11, woman! " I'm

going to have to use your line below if she ever starts flailing like

that.

>

> > She is telling me how much care she is going to need and that she

> > feels herself slipping away, her memory is going. But, this

> > wanes. For awhile, she will act her normal old self. Suddenly,

> she

> > is saying " I feel my memory is slipping. " And she can't do a thing

> > for herself.

>

> " Well, Mom, maybe while you still have your faculties about you, you

> might like to come pick out a nursing home, since you seem to need

some

> extra help. "

>

> I guess that's for if you think she is faking to get you to hang

> around. :-P

>

February 28, 2008

This is somewhat related to you topic: My mid-70-year-old nada

suddenly became obsessed with Alzheimer's Disease. She has no sign of

dementia, but she used this disease to start testing me. It started

when her neighbor was diagnosed with Alzheimers. My nada told me again

and again how this neighbor's daughter had quit her job to live at

home and take care of her mother. After the third mention of this, I

realized that my nada was testing me — I was supposed to say, " Oh

that's sooo nice — you know that I would do the exact same for you. "

Well, I failed this test big time & my nada freaked out. (There's no

way in hell I'll ever live with that witch again.) My failing her test

triggered more and more acting out. I finally decided on NC. I've

since fantasized about moving far, far away.