Re: Dad #2 and for Imogene

[Guest guest]

I guess I was fortunate here in lots of ways, my kids were there for me and

for Ray every step of the way as they lived nearby. They begin encouraging

me to find a nursing home long before I placed him. In NYS if you can find a

lawyer to help it makes it easier but Medicare will pay for home health care

through our County Public health system. I don't understand why it would be

different in any state. When nursing home became the only option, Medicaid

required we had to spend down our savings and retirements to $74,000.

($24,000 for singles) You are allowed one home and one car. Anything extra

such as a camper or other vehicles would be deducted from your allowed

amount. You realize when the chips are down, nothing else really matters

except getting your loved one the care they need and getting relief for

yourself. He was taken to the hospital to do a brain scan and admitted. The

social workers there found a nursing home 1 hour away from home which was

doable for us, tho difficult. My signature tells the rest of the story.

Imogene: " We had a love that just wouldn't quit, but love isn't enough to

handle the job of full time caregiving. " This is a quote from your response

to Dad # 2. It really is going to help me. While I look and act good to the

world, it still bothers me that I was not able to continue with him at home.

Thank you for your continued help and wisdom even to those of us who are

farther away from our heartbreak than you are. Thanks and Love, Leona

Leona: Caregiver for husband Ray, age 68, diagnosed 2/04 with Parkinson's

Disease. Changed doctors, diagnosed 6/06 with LBD. Almost continual downhill

slide no matter what drugs we try. 5/2/08 Ray was placed in Sunrise Nursing

Home in Oswego, NY, 1 hour from home. So far, so good! Hardest thing I have

ever done in my life, however. 3/19/09 transferred to Samaritan Keep NH in

Watertown, NY closer to home. He passed peacefully at 5:18 am on April 14,

2009. I am handling it OK.

'Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you don't

want to live without.'

[Guest guest]

Dear Precious Leona, I have followed your problem for years, and am so glad to

hear from you now.

Leona, only you know how bad your situation was, and you know you couldn't

handle it, so my dear not to worry. Your love makes you want to keep trying, and

now making you feel a bit guilty. I am sure that in time you'll be able to drop

that part of the pain you suffered from loosing your beloved mate.

I know exactly how you feel, as I was terribly guilty that I didn't save daddy,

and no one could talk it out of me. I feel bad now that I couldn't handle Don

all the time, but I couldn't, and I know it. Still I have a touch of guilt. Even

I know better and the whole bit, that feeling tugs at me from time to time. But,

as with you, in time it will fade away. So, for now I'll just be patient with it

and remind myself " this too shall pass "

I had one daughter that helped me many times. She lived across town and couldn't

help daily. Also she too was working so she at least did my shopping every week

, and ran other errands. Most of our children are out of town, so we didn't get

hands on care from them. She helped more before I got a caregiver, and then

after getting the caregiver she did the shopping. Many of my children pitched in

to help me move to the town seventy miles from here, and then back home again.

One son and one daughter would be here in a few minutes if I needed them.

I am not glad my dearly beloved man is gone, but I am glad all the trauma is

over for him, and for me.

Love you a whole lot, Leona,

Imogene

>

> I guess I was fortunate here in lots of ways, my kids were there for me and

> for Ray every step of the way as they lived nearby. They begin encouraging

> me to find a nursing home long before I placed him. In NYS if you can find a

> lawyer to help it makes it easier but Medicare will pay for home health care

> through our County Public health system. I don't understand why it would be

> different in any state. When nursing home became the only option, Medicaid

> required we had to spend down our savings and retirements to $74,000.

> ($24,000 for singles) You are allowed one home and one car. Anything extra

> such as a camper or other vehicles would be deducted from your allowed

> amount. You realize when the chips are down, nothing else really matters

> except getting your loved one the care they need and getting relief for

> yourself. He was taken to the hospital to do a brain scan and admitted. The

> social workers there found a nursing home 1 hour away from home which was

> doable for us, tho difficult. My signature tells the rest of the story.

>

> Imogene: " We had a love that just wouldn't quit, but love isn't enough to

> handle the job of full time caregiving. " This is a quote from your response

> to Dad # 2. It really is going to help me. While I look and act good to the

> world, it still bothers me that I was not able to continue with him at home.

> Thank you for your continued help and wisdom even to those of us who are

> farther away from our heartbreak than you are. Thanks and Love, Leona

>

> Leona: Caregiver for husband Ray, age 68, diagnosed 2/04 with Parkinson's

> Disease. Changed doctors, diagnosed 6/06 with LBD. Almost continual downhill

> slide no matter what drugs we try. 5/2/08 Ray was placed in Sunrise Nursing

> Home in Oswego, NY, 1 hour from home. So far, so good! Hardest thing I have

> ever done in my life, however. 3/19/09 transferred to Samaritan Keep NH in

> Watertown, NY closer to home. He passed peacefully at 5:18 am on April 14,

> 2009. I am handling it OK.

>

>

> 'Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone you don't

> want to live without.'

>