Re: Excuse my French!

[Guest guest]

My nada totally does that--when I was younger one of my friends was actually not

allowed to drive with in the car w/ her anymore after returning home one day

full of new curse words she'd heard nada screaming at other drivers. Whenever I

curse, though, nada averts her eyes and acts coquettish, as if I've somehow

trangressed her pure, midwestern roots.

It's the same way they'll yell, scream, rage, throw things and then the second

you raise your voice in defense or exasperation they'll act shocked and hurt and

say " Why are you yelling at me?? "

chloespaw01 wrote:

I just want to tell you that this is an awesome post and I could not

agree more. And regarding your french, I have been told not swear

about the situation with my mother-in-law but other than four letter

words, I can't think of an accurate description of her or the

situations she gets herself and everyone around her into.

And you shouldnt have to ask the language be excused bc you are angry,

and you should be. I'm with ya!

Actually - this leads me to a question: Does anyone have a BP that

rants swears (e.g. calling everyone mother f**Ckers, etc..) and then

acts as though swears make her uncomfortable when she is not raging?

This drives me nuts! Like watching a show ,she might say, " oh this

language is terrible! " Even though she was using that very language

during a prior rant.

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Delta "

wrote:

>

> I really don't think that book applies to weddings. I got married in

> August, and if there's one thing my siblings learned, it's: Elope.

> Send everyone post cards but for the love of all that you hold sacred

> just run away and get married.

>

> I learned that there is nothing you can do to make her happy during

> this time. This is essentially your apron-string cutting ceremony,

> when it's official in front of the community, creator and federal

> government that you are part of someone else's family. The very fact

> that you are getting married makes you a traitor who is taking

> attention away from her.

> I tried to get her involved, but she only wanted me to implement

> *her* ideas. When I would talk about how my husband and I wanted it to

> be she would interrupt me and start talking about her cats. We weren't

> even asking her to pay for anything, she said she wanted to help, but

> when we gave her something to do it wasn't good enough.

>

> This summer I also graduated college and went camping in the desert

> for a week in a 30 year old diesel that threatened to die all the

> time. The trip involved 6 hour dust storms and being 300 miles from

> anywhere out of cell phone range. Graduating involved lots of lengthy

> papers and jumping through hoops.

> My wedding was the most stressful day I can recall. Not in a fun way

> either.

>

> Luckily my nada wound up behaving herself, because how she appears to

> strangers is very important to her. Still, every day leading up to the

> wedding was a nightmare of worry that she would cause trouble. We had

> a " brute squad " of large friends just in case. On the day, every time

> she opened her mouth my blood would freeze, and when she stood up to

> give her blessing during the ceremony, everyone held their breath. The

> best part of my wedding was getting my husband, and the moment we were

> finally loaded out of the venue and could relax.

>

> I really wish I had rescinded her invitation. I really wish she wasn't

> there. It looked so complicated and dramatic at the time, but in

> retrospect it would have been *far* easier explaining to the few

> people that didn't know she's a crazy bitch that she " wasn't feeling

> well " or something than putting up with the stress of that day.

>

> It's a big moment for you, you are forging a new live with the person

> you love. But really, having her there made the whole day about her,

> stressing about her, worrying about her being inappropriate, trying to

> smile for family photos when I really didn't want her touching me,

> trying not to cry because I was so worried, being a basket case for my

> new husband, stomach aches, headaches, spending the whole day just

> waiting for it to be over, *we were too exhausted to consummate our

> marriage until the next day!*

>

> Pardon my French, but I want you to hear me very clearly:

> Fuck

> That

> Shit.

>

> Tell her she's not invited, she won't understand why so don't bother

> explaining. If she shows up anyway, try your best to be gracious,

> bone up on n coolness if it helps. Polite, but not familiar.

> If she makes an ass of herself, designate one of your friends before

> hand to escort her out or call the police if it comes to it. You might

> have some sort of signal or code if you want to be discreet.

>

> And failing that, make it one of your MoH duties to carry a flask with

> emergency vodka, even if you're too stressed to drink until it's over.

> (and trust me, things are bad when you're too stressed to *drink*)

>

> Good luck and keep us posted. We're here for you whatever you do!

>

> Delta

>

>

>

>

> > Has anyone else had to deal with this? I want to invite her, but I am

> > so worried of what she will do or how she will act out. My other

> > family members have even suggested hiring security just because of

> > her, but I don't really want to do that, it's a small garden wedding

> > and security I think would only draw attention, not to mention we

> > can't really afford to pay for security. The closer the wedding gets,

> > the more difficult my mother becomes. Any suggestions?

> >

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

" Actually - this leads me to a question: Does anyone have a BP that

rants swears (e.g. calling everyone mother f**Ckers, etc..) and then

acts as though swears make her uncomfortable when she is not raging? "

Sorry this part of the post got detached from it's poster, but in

relation to that my dad is sort of that way in that he lies so much

and swears at me yet watches preaching every day while reading his

bible and taking notes; he has a sign outside of his backdoor that

says, " as for me and my house we will follow the lord " , but his

behavior reeks so much of the time. The contrast doesn't seem to

bother him.

[Guest guest]

Wow, I can related to the swearing BP issue! When I was a kid, my mother, a

born again Christian, would go into hours-long swear sessions directed at my

father. And, many nights at the dinner table (if dinner didn't end up ON my

father), she'd flip my dad off " secretly " under the table the entire time. Of

course I saw it . . . it was always a very good sign that the evening was going

to be horrible.

Of course, if I said any " bad words, " my mouth would get washed out with soap.

Wonder where I learned them? ;-)

Excuse my French!

I just want to tell you that this is an awesome post and I could not

agree more. And regarding your french, I have been told not swear

about the situation with my mother-in-law but other than four letter

words, I can't think of an accurate description of her or the

situations she gets herself and everyone around her into.

And you shouldnt have to ask the language be excused bc you are angry,

and you should be. I'm with ya!

Actually - this leads me to a question: Does anyone have a BP that

rants swears (e.g. calling everyone mother f**Ckers, etc..) and then

acts as though swears make her uncomfortable when she is not raging?

This drives me nuts! Like watching a show ,she might say, " oh this

language is terrible! " Even though she was using that very language

during a prior rant.

-- In WTOAdultChildren1@ yahoogroups. com, " Delta " <stage_goddess@ ...>

wrote:

>

> I really don't think that book applies to weddings. I got married in

> August, and if there's one thing my siblings learned, it's: Elope.

> Send everyone post cards but for the love of all that you hold sacred

> just run away and get married.

>

> I learned that there is nothing you can do to make her happy during

> this time. This is essentially your apron-string cutting ceremony,

> when it's official in front of the community, creator and federal

> government that you are part of someone else's family. The very fact

> that you are getting married makes you a traitor who is taking

> attention away from her.

> I tried to get her involved, but she only wanted me to implement

> *her* ideas. When I would talk about how my husband and I wanted it to

> be she would interrupt me and start talking about her cats. We weren't

> even asking her to pay for anything, she said she wanted to help, but

> when we gave her something to do it wasn't good enough.

>

> This summer I also graduated college and went camping in the desert

> for a week in a 30 year old diesel that threatened to die all the

> time. The trip involved 6 hour dust storms and being 300 miles from

> anywhere out of cell phone range. Graduating involved lots of lengthy

> papers and jumping through hoops.

> My wedding was the most stressful day I can recall. Not in a fun way

> either.

>

> Luckily my nada wound up behaving herself, because how she appears to

> strangers is very important to her. Still, every day leading up to the

> wedding was a nightmare of worry that she would cause trouble. We had

> a " brute squad " of large friends just in case. On the day, every time

> she opened her mouth my blood would freeze, and when she stood up to

> give her blessing during the ceremony, everyone held their breath. The

> best part of my wedding was getting my husband, and the moment we were

> finally loaded out of the venue and could relax.

>

> I really wish I had rescinded her invitation. I really wish she wasn't

> there. It looked so complicated and dramatic at the time, but in

> retrospect it would have been *far* easier explaining to the few

> people that didn't know she's a crazy bitch that she " wasn't feeling

> well " or something than putting up with the stress of that day.

>

> It's a big moment for you, you are forging a new live with the person

> you love. But really, having her there made the whole day about her,

> stressing about her, worrying about her being inappropriate, trying to

> smile for family photos when I really didn't want her touching me,

> trying not to cry because I was so worried, being a basket case for my

> new husband, stomach aches, headaches, spending the whole day just

> waiting for it to be over, *we were too exhausted to consummate our

> marriage until the next day!*

>

> Pardon my French, but I want you to hear me very clearly:

> Fuck

> That

> Shit.

>

> Tell her she's not invited, she won't understand why so don't bother

> explaining. If she shows up anyway, try your best to be gracious,

> bone up on n coolness if it helps. Polite, but not familiar.

> If she makes an ass of herself, designate one of your friends before

> hand to escort her out or call the police if it comes to it. You might

> have some sort of signal or code if you want to be discreet.

>

> And failing that, make it one of your MoH duties to carry a flask with

> emergency vodka, even if you're too stressed to drink until it's over.

> (and trust me, things are bad when you're too stressed to *drink*)

>

> Good luck and keep us posted. We're here for you whatever you do!

>

> Delta

>

>

>

>

> > Has anyone else had to deal with this? I want to invite her, but I am

> > so worried of what she will do or how she will act out. My other

> > family members have even suggested hiring security just because of

> > her, but I don't really want to do that, it's a small garden wedding

> > and security I think would only draw attention, not to mention we

> > can't really afford to pay for security. The closer the wedding gets,

> > the more difficult my mother becomes. Any suggestions?

> >

>

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