Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Khris, I'll take a stab at what true self means. To me, at least, finding my true self was taking a step out of my head to truly decide what I wanted from life. I kept the good things, got rid of the bad, and added some new, positive stuff. I examined my internal expecations and tendencies and decided what I wanted to hang on to and what I wanted to lose. For me, it was a bit like weeding a garden. I pulled out the " weeds " of perfectionism, workaholism, and expecting too much from myself in my many roles such as wife. I hung onto some flowers that started to grow in childhood, including my love of reading and knowledge and my motivation for finishing important projects. In short, I created a beautiful garden of the things that I already like about myself and planted a few new seedlings, such as healthy eating and meditation. For most people, this is a never-ending process of becoming the best person you can be. My therapist calls finding your true self the heroine's journey. You might want to google some terms such as Carl Jung and heroine's (or hero's) journey. I hope this makes sense. If not, be honest, and I'll try to explain it another way. > > Folks: > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding your " true > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really just > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at the > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. Can > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? Alone > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > Khris > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Free2LivenBoston: Thank you. That does make some sense. I guess the perfectionist side of me would say that I should start on this idea with some sort of a bulleted list, but I might hold off on that a bit longer until I can recognize what I really think needs changing and what I want to keep. I think the perfectionistic ideal needs to be the first to let go of, which is going to be very hard for me. Doing things just so has been drilled into my head since birth and doing things another way or half as " well " doesn't always make sense. I do tend to see myself in the terms of mother, wife and employee first without allowing much time to do just what I want, like relax. Stepping outside the role of " do'er " and go, go, go...hmmmm. I'll really have to stew on it. That's one of those outside the box kind of concepts that I sometimes don't get because I've spent my life duct taping myself into my own secure little box where I am the one in control. Khris > > > > Folks: > > > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding your " true > > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really just > > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at the > > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. Can > > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? Alone > > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > > > Khris > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Khris, I also a lot of trouble with this concept, what really helped me was a book called " healing the child within " I think I was so deep in my " false self " I couldn't even understand the concept of another self. It was devestating for me to find out that I had a false self, but has since been a wonderful journey to get the crap out, and the stuff I like in. I liked the analagy to a garden, I loved this book so much, I gave it to many friends, who in turn gave it to many friends. It really started me on a great path, of focusing on me! I describe my true self, as someone who does what feels right for her, while being considerate of others around, the ultimate decisions are made for my benefit and not for the benefit of Nada. There is still a little voice in my head, of what she would want me to do, and I no longer do it to please her or not do it to piss her off, I just quiet it down, and think about what I would really like. Hope that helps L > > Folks: > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding your " true > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really just > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at the > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. Can > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? Alone > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > Khris > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Jae, The author is L Whitfield MD. I think I got it on amazon. > > > > Folks: > > > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding your " true > > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really just > > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at the > > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. Can > > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? Alone > > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > > > Khris > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. > http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Jae, I looked it up. The author is Whitfield. I read a bit of it online. Looks interesting. Thanks L! Khris > > > > Folks: > > > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding your " true > > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really just > > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at the > > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. Can > > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? Alone > > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > > > Khris > > > > > > > > ______________________________________________________________________ ______________ > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. > http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2008 Report Share Posted January 30, 2008 Khris, I'm glad that my garden analogy made sense. L, Healing the Child Within sounds like a great book! I just wanted to add that it's normal to begin this process by using your perfectionist tools. It's all you have at your disposal. I did the same thing. When I recognized the workaholic/burnout aspect of myself, I limited myself to work 40 hours a week and I tracked it down to the last minute in Excel. Even though I wanted to become more laid back, I retained control over a lot of areas of my life and let go of them slowly and in a calculated way. I remember when I was focusing on one issue with my therapist, that my first instinct was to handle it using Excel and bulleted lists. While I still rely on a lot of organizing tools for work, I've realized that sometimes, too much planning can actually interfere with my life. I usually have a backup plan for problems that may arise, but I no longer plan my life down to the last detail. It is so liberating! > > > > > > Folks: > > > > > > Occassionally, someone on this board talks about finding > your " true > > > self " and my psychiatrist has also mentioned it, but I really > just > > > don't know what it means. It could be that I am still so new at > the > > > self improvement thing or that I am too encompassed by fleas. > Can > > > anyone explain this to me in a way that I might understand it? > Alone > > > as a statement just leaves me blank. > > > > > > Khris > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 Also an INTJ and female. Wierd... > > Ok this is definitely a pattern. I am INTJ, consistently all my life. INTJs are about 1% of the population, and 2/3 are male. Have t we identified at least three female INTJs so far? That would mean this board is about 300 people( most of whom are silent hence still an unusual event), or MAYBE it is a clue to KOs and being raised by BPD. Needing order and being flexible and imagination to deal with changing realities? I worked at policy and program evaluation all my working life and felt it was home. Designing and redesigning programs and policies to make things work better, AND implementing them, two functions that usually do not go together. > > Anyone else? > > Beverley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 I think that so many of us appear to be introverted. That doesn't particularily surprise me. Also, we seem to work in jobs that have an effect on everyone else's production. Sort of directing behind the scenes. I have always said that I would be very happy to be stuffed into a cubicle in the far back of the office, handed a stack of files with their deadlines and left to my own divices to sort it out. I do have to have contact with people, but would prefer that that contact not be with strangers if possible. Cold calls would send me reeling and will take me days to recover from. I plan my contact with clients, etc. so that the conversation is direct and to the point without any lengthy pauses or personal details. Since I tend to handle a lot of very sensitive personal and financial information, I keep the contact professional and don't go into much detail about just what I may know about their personal or financial sitation. In the alternative, if I were my nada, I would use this information to my own gain and against them. My nada certainly doesn't understand the concept of confidentiality. I live by it and prefer it in my own life as well. Also, it appears that a lot of us are " J " = Judging also. Is it that we are always on guard and scanning the crowd for the next assualt or intrusion that might come our way? Making snap decisions (first impressions) about other people to shield against the intrusion. It is definatly interesting. Khris > > > > > > > > > > Kelley, > > > > > > > > > > My psychiatrist has been trying to get me to work on > > mindfulness > > > > > meditation, but it's not sinking in for me yet. I have a > hard > > > time > > > > > sitting still and not thinking about anything else except > what > > > I'm > > > > > suppose to focus and/or not focus on. I'm still too > anxious. > > I > > > > get > > > > > stressed out planning to meditate! > > > > > > > > > > I think I still need some work on the anxiety issue too along > > > with > > > > my > > > > > workaholicness and perfectionistic tendencies. I can see it > > > being > > > > a > > > > > daily battle for me too. If you can do it, my hat's off to > > you. > > > > The > > > > > first lesson (meditation) in the mindfulness meditation book > I > > > have > > > > > was to sit for 30 minutes staring at 3 raisins as though I > had > > > > never > > > > > seen or eaten a raisin before. I got so frusterated with the > > > book > > > > > that I took the book into my appointment with my doc. He > > thought > > > > > that 30 minutes was probably a real stretch, especially for > me, > > > but > > > > > tried to encourage me for a 5 minute stint. I haven't picked > > the > > > > > book up since. The first four or five chapters did nothing > but > > > > tell > > > > > me how good this book and technique was going to be for me, > and > > I > > > > > feel like I failed at being able to complete the first > > exercize. > > > I > > > > > might pick it back up one day, but right now, I'm just not > all > > > that > > > > > excited about meditating over raisins. LOL. > > > > > > > > > > Khris > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > > > > > Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. > > > > > > http://www.windowsl ive.com/share. html? > > > > > ocid=TXT_TAGHM_ Wave2_sharelife_ 012008 > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 I'm ENFP...always have been, though I tend to read all the type descriptions and think " Oh, I wish I were that instead. " I realized, though, as I was taking this little quiz (and have noticed it before) that I have a hard time answering some...and it FINALLY dawned on me that my confusion has stemmed from what my BPD mother has told me I am vs. what I know I am and what everyone else says I am. Figuring that out made it much easier to choose answers. (btw...I had another email/id on here...I'm new anyway and only posted a few times...but it also occurred to me that my previous ID was rather identifying to anyone who might know me in real life, and that made me a little paranoid.) T > > > > Ok this is definitely a pattern. I am INTJ, consistently all my > life. INTJs are about 1% of the population, and 2/3 are male. Have t > we identified at least three female INTJs so far? > > <snip> > > > > Anyone else? > > > > Beverley > > > Yep. Spooky, huh? > > Although on the Meyers-Briggs I was right down the middle on I/E for > the first one. The interviewer asked me questions that were aimed at > figuring out which way I leaned, I or E. In the end, we both felt > that I go with either situation. I think when I'm depressed, which > after this whole NC situation came about didn't get any easier, I > lean more toward I but that is probably to try to stay away from the > world somewhat. Tired of being hurt, one tends to retreat which > isn't always the wisest idea at least for me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 Krhis,yep,I was drily joking too,that's why I said " natch " ....no offense taken LOL. - > > > > > > > > > > Personality test: I am ISTJ. The results. > > > > > > > > > > Introverted (I) 82% Extraverted (E) 18% > > > > > Sensing (S) 68% Intuitive (N) 32% > > > > > Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30% > > > > > Judging (J) 91% Perceiving (P) 9% > > > > > > > > > > " People of this type tend to be: cautious, conservative, and > > > quiet; > > > > > literal, realistic, and practical; careful and precise; > > logical, > > > > > honest, and matter of fact; resistant to change and > comfortable > > > > with > > > > > routine; hard working and responsible " > > > > > > > > > > That's essentially me in a nutshell and very close to what my > > > > office > > > > > personality profile says. Only my office one says I like to > be > > > > > in " charge " , but actually, I just really want to be left > alone. > > > > > > > > > > According to this personality profile, one good career path > for > > a > > > > > person like me...a paralegal. That's what I do for a > living. > > > Huh, > > > > > who'd a thunk it? > > > > > > > > > > Thanks, that was fun. > > > > > > > > > > Khris > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > > > > > > > > Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. > > > > > > > > http://www.windowslive.com/share.html? > > > > > > > ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 Yeah, I had heard about some of that. I'm weird because I like being in front of big groups doing stuff, and working off by myself, both. Maybe as has been mentioned we learned some of what we know because of our BPD moms. In business, I was known for both setting up enterprises and running them. You usually don't see both, that is true. > > > > Ok this is definitely a pattern. I am INTJ, consistently all my > life. INTJs are about 1% of the population, and 2/3 are male. Have t > we identified at least three female INTJs so far? > > <snip> > > > > Anyone else? > > > > Beverley > > > Yep. Spooky, huh? > > Although on the Meyers-Briggs I was right down the middle on I/E for > the first one. The interviewer asked me questions that were aimed at > figuring out which way I leaned, I or E. In the end, we both felt > that I go with either situation. I think when I'm depressed, which > after this whole NC situation came about didn't get any easier, I > lean more toward I but that is probably to try to stay away from the > world somewhat. Tired of being hurt, one tends to retreat which > isn't always the wisest idea at least for me. > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 7, 2008 Report Share Posted February 7, 2008 My profile is pretty interesting, in that I tend to come out at about 50% in most categories: Your personality type is ISTP. Introverted (I) 68% Extraverted (E) 32% Sensing (S) 50% Intuitive (N) 50% Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45% Perceiving (P) 55% Judging (J) 45% I could just as well be INTP as ISTP, and I could nudge over to any combination of I, S/N, T/F, P/J. I took the test twice just to be sure. qwerty > > Ok this is definitely a pattern. I am INTJ, consistently all my life. INTJs are about 1% of the population, and 2/3 are male. Have t we identified at least three female INTJs so far? That would mean this board is about 300 people( most of whom are silent hence still an unusual event), or MAYBE it is a clue to KOs and being raised by BPD. Needing order and being flexible and imagination to deal with changing realities? I worked at policy and program evaluation all my working life and felt it was home. Designing and redesigning programs and policies to make things work better, AND implementing them, two functions that usually do not go together. > > Anyone else? > > Beverley > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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