Guest guest Posted October 9, 2011 Report Share Posted October 9, 2011 So, you are upset with yourself for daydreaming instead of...what? Is your value to avoid daydreaming?With such a long history, you have sought advice before?Congratulations on your successes to date! D> >> Hi,>> I'm a first time poster but been a lurker around the board for awhile. I read GOYMAIYL about a year ago and have been revisiting it again regularly over the last couple of months. While I was hugely impressed by the science of RFT underpinning the approach I was more drawn to taking the plunge by the particular empathetic stance of Dr which I also see here in the tremendously generous and courageous spirit of you all posting on here. With ACT I feel I have made very considerable progress over the past year (h/o depression for years - with regular thoughts and quasi-plans of suicide)and at last found the courage to make a big life change, leaving a 20y relationship that I had been trying to leave for 15y - and I am now functioning better as a result. >> While I am keeping for the most time with the direction of my values, defusing from the negative thoughts and taking action when I would previously have opted out of circulation yet there is an area where I continue to struggle and I would be very grateful if anyone had a suggestion for how else I might try to get through this. > This is in defusing from thoughts that are not negative! I am and always have been a compulsive day dreamer and though the thoughts are positive in the sense that I am usually cast in the role of heroine - I always 'awake' from the daydream with deep self-loathing to the extent that I could feel suicidal. This is not related to the content of the daydreams which are very innocent but to a deep guilt that I haven't been present (this was especially so when my children were young - feeling bad that I'd neglected them for that time; now it's a anger against myself of a life wasted dreaming. ACT has helped enormously in enabling me to find some self-compassion in these situations and to my self-loathing and punitive urges less but the frequency and duration appear to be getting no better (or perhaps I'm just more aware of it). I do mindfulness meditation most days and can 'stay with it' for the best part of 30 minutes (with only brief wanderings) but outside of structured mindful time I slide. I am now beginning to wonder whether in fact I am as sucessfull as I had thought in defusing from negative thoughts - perhaps I'm only doing it superficially and then escaping more into daydreams. Oh dear, I'm becoming lost here. Any suggestions would be really welcome. >> Meg>> -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.com DarrellGKing@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2011 Report Share Posted October 9, 2011 To put it another way.... If you did not have the problem of daydreaming holding you back what would your life look like? What would you be doing? Are you living a full and vital life based on your values? If not, then daydreaming can certainly be experiential avoidance. Do you daydream about the life you would rather be living? Why not try living it even with all the chatter? Be a hero for your children... be a hero for a friend... be a hero for someone in need... just remember that most hero's don't make the front page.... > > > > > > Hi, > > > > I'm a first time poster but been a lurker around the board for awhile. I > read GOYMAIYL about a year ago and have been revisiting it again regularly > over the last couple of months. While I was hugely impressed by the science > of RFT underpinning the approach I was more drawn to taking the plunge by > the particular empathetic stance of Dr which I also see here in the > tremendously generous and courageous spirit of you all posting on here. With > ACT I feel I have made very considerable progress over the past year (h/o > depression for years - with regular thoughts and quasi-plans of suicide)and > at last found the courage to make a big life change, leaving a 20y > relationship that I had been trying to leave for 15y - and I am now > functioning better as a result. > > > > While I am keeping for the most time with the direction of my values, > defusing from the negative thoughts and taking action when I would > previously have opted out of circulation yet there is an area where I > continue to struggle and I would be very grateful if anyone had a suggestion > for how else I might try to get through this. > > This is in defusing from thoughts that are not negative! I am and always > have been a compulsive day dreamer and though the thoughts are positive in > the sense that I am usually cast in the role of heroine - I always 'awake' > from the daydream with deep self-loathing to the extent that I could feel > suicidal. This is not related to the content of the daydreams which are very > innocent but to a deep guilt that I haven't been present (this was > especially so when my children were young - feeling bad that I'd neglected > them for that time; now it's a anger against myself of a life wasted > dreaming. ACT has helped enormously in enabling me to find some > self-compassion in these situations and to my self-loathing and punitive > urges less but the frequency and duration appear to be getting no better (or > perhaps I'm just more aware of it). I do mindfulness meditation most days > and can 'stay with it' for the best part of 30 minutes (with only brief > wanderings) but outside of structured mindful time I slide. I am now > beginning to wonder whether in fact I am as sucessfull as I had thought in > defusing from negative thoughts - perhaps I'm only doing it superficially > and then escaping more into daydreams. Oh dear, I'm becoming lost here. Any > suggestions would be really welcome. > > > > Meg > > > > > > -- > Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T > Rochester, NY, US > http://darrellking.com > DarrellGKing@... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 10, 2011 Report Share Posted October 10, 2011 Regularly, I loose big chunks of time daydreaming. This might be in midst of cooking dinner - awaken to fire alarm and burnt dinner or on the bus on the way to shops / meeting / interview / airport miss my stop - and then hide from the consequences in depression. There would be at least one such occurrence every day. Yes the day dream is usually something I could be doing in reality but I have no sense that I would want to be doing it in reality - I am so overwhelmingly exhausted coming out of the day dream that it is a relief to find that it isn't real. Its difficult for me to describe and especially in a forum where people are enduring such much more painful experiences and maybe it is that I'm posting in the wrong forum for this issue. Thanks D for asking if I've sought help for this before because the answer is that I haven't. And your posing the question has made me ask myself why not. And I have had plenty of opportunity with a very good therapist with whom I share a lot of very painful stuff. I think I'm waking up a bit more to who I am here and now need to take some time to get a better perspective on this. Thank you both for taking the time to answer. M > > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > > > I'm a first time poster but been a lurker around the board for awhile. I > > read GOYMAIYL about a year ago and have been revisiting it again regularly > > over the last couple of months. While I was hugely impressed by the science > > of RFT underpinning the approach I was more drawn to taking the plunge by > > the particular empathetic stance of Dr which I also see here in the > > tremendously generous and courageous spirit of you all posting on here. With > > ACT I feel I have made very considerable progress over the past year (h/o > > depression for years - with regular thoughts and quasi-plans of suicide)and > > at last found the courage to make a big life change, leaving a 20y > > relationship that I had been trying to leave for 15y - and I am now > > functioning better as a result. > > > > > > While I am keeping for the most time with the direction of my values, > > defusing from the negative thoughts and taking action when I would > > previously have opted out of circulation yet there is an area where I > > continue to struggle and I would be very grateful if anyone had a suggestion > > for how else I might try to get through this. > > > This is in defusing from thoughts that are not negative! I am and always > > have been a compulsive day dreamer and though the thoughts are positive in > > the sense that I am usually cast in the role of heroine - I always 'awake' > > from the daydream with deep self-loathing to the extent that I could feel > > suicidal. This is not related to the content of the daydreams which are very > > innocent but to a deep guilt that I haven't been present (this was > > especially so when my children were young - feeling bad that I'd neglected > > them for that time; now it's a anger against myself of a life wasted > > dreaming. ACT has helped enormously in enabling me to find some > > self-compassion in these situations and to my self-loathing and punitive > > urges less but the frequency and duration appear to be getting no better (or > > perhaps I'm just more aware of it). I do mindfulness meditation most days > > and can 'stay with it' for the best part of 30 minutes (with only brief > > wanderings) but outside of structured mindful time I slide. I am now > > beginning to wonder whether in fact I am as sucessfull as I had thought in > > defusing from negative thoughts - perhaps I'm only doing it superficially > > and then escaping more into daydreams. Oh dear, I'm becoming lost here. Any > > suggestions would be really welcome. > > > > > > Meg > > > > > > > > > > -- > > Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T > > Rochester, NY, US > > http://darrellking.com > > DarrellGKing@ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 10, 2011 Report Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hi Meg, You are in the right forum since you're applying ACT in your life, and you and the pain you are experiencing are just as important as any other on this board. I've reread both of your posts and I am wondering how best I can help. Let's forget about the content of your daydream and perhaps we can focus on some of your activities you find yourself daydreaming in the middle of. Let's take cooking dinner for example. There are a few mindfulness exercises in GOYM that deal with mindfully making tea and mindful eating. Perhaps you could open up your mindfulness practice to cooking dinner. Try experiencing every present moment touch, taste, smell and sensation of cooking. Feel the knife hitting the cutting board, hear it, see those herbs being diced up, smell the aroma wafting up to your nose, and so on. You could even be engaged in multiple values. Practicing mindfulness and providing yourself and your family with a healthy dinner.... I would tell you don't get discouraged, but that wouldn't be very ACT-like of me. Make room for the discouragement and keep doing ACT anyway.... > > > Regularly, I loose big chunks of time daydreaming. This might be in midst of cooking dinner - awaken to fire alarm and burnt dinner or on the bus on the way to shops / meeting / interview / airport miss my stop - and then hide from the consequences in depression. There would be at least one such occurrence every day. Yes the day dream is usually something I could be doing in reality but I have no sense that I would want to be doing it in reality - I am so overwhelmingly exhausted coming out of the day dream that it is a relief to find that it isn't real. Its difficult for me to describe and especially in a forum where people are enduring such much more painful experiences and maybe it is that I'm posting in the wrong forum for this issue. Thanks D for asking if I've sought help for this before because the answer is that I haven't. And your posing the question has made me ask myself why not. And I have had plenty of opportunity with a very good therapist with whom I share a lot of very painful stuff. I think I'm waking up a bit more to who I am here and now need to take some time to get a better perspective on this. > > Thank you both for taking the time to answer. > M > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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