Pain semi control- everything else not

[Guest guest]

So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my pain has

been semi- controlled.

Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

I don't think I'm depressed.

I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get how much

pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed because I have to

plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a woman anymore...

I just feel lost and emotional.

I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels anymore

lol or go to work all dressed up...

Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

[Guest guest]

, that's how a tethered cord can feel sometimes, but once your pain

is controlled then you should feel better

I have to make a comment about shoes and heels though - I have bilaterally

deformed feet due to the TC and at no time in my life have I been able to

wear anything other than CHILD's open-toed sandals. I have NEVER been able

to wear any type of nice shoes, heels or flats, and that to me is a

lifelong issue that I mourn for - even tho I never had the opportunity to

do! However, I don't let it spoil my life, as I have better things to think

about than what I put on my stupid feet

So I regret that TC give you a lot more to cope with than just pain - it

can take away your means of feeling feminine (shoes), it can make you

dependent on people, it can make you b....dy angry and " why me " . It can

stop you doing tourist things - like I wanted to walk in the Grand Canyon

while I was over there in 2005, but couldn't. I had to stop walking and get

a taxi half-way back down Las Vegas strip. I can't even walk Hadrian's Wall

in the UK as the pain in my feet is far too bad. Sometimes, like yesterday,

I couldn't even get out of bed - 9 years after a TC surgery that was meant

to make me better.

However, you can do a lot of things with a TC - and only you can find them,

and cope with them. TC surgery is not going to be the miracle cure to pain

and deterioration; it won't give you back your life that you had before it

got worse. You are stuck with it - and being totally honest, you have to

find ways to cope with it and get over the depressions. You can't live your

life in a depression, just because of something wrong with your back. Your

body is made up of a lot more than just your back - what about dressing up

in gorgeous clothes and putting on flat shoes; what about make-up; what

about your hair; etc etc etc. On your wedding day you don't want to be the

only one with a sad face.

Read my travel blog to see what I did in 2007-2008, with the pain of a TC

and yet I went travelling. THAT's what I can do with a TC - only you know

what you could do.....

Nina

Bristol, UK

www.btinternet.com/~tetheredcordresources

http://careerbreak-nina.blogspot.com/

--On 11 October 2010 20:33 -0700 Dybowski

wrote:

>

>

>

>

> So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my

> pain has been semi- controlled.

> Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

> I don't think I'm depressed.

> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

> woman anymore...

> I just feel lost and emotional.

> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

>

>

>

----------------------

Ms Nina Bunton

Senior Postgraduate Taught Programmes Administrator

Graduate School of Engineering

Room 3.37, Merchant Venturers Building

Woodland Road

Bristol BS8 1UB

Email: nina.bunton@...

Tel: 0

Fax: TBC

Mobile: 0777 2470 111

Working hours: Monday-Friday 8.30-4.00

[Guest guest]

That was a great post Nina. -- I haven't been able to wear heels all my

life - and I wore a nice pair of dressy flats to my wedding 20 yrs ago - I don't

think anyone even noticed! Luckily today there are much more " practical "

stylish shoes out there for those of us that cannot do the " normal ones " -- I

personally wear birkenstock sandals and clogs, and orthodics in runners, but

right now am having feet issues that I am stuck in my sandals! , there

are some stores that focus on good shoes and really, they have come a long way

in style. Honestly, although I hate shoe shopping due to my feet, it doesn't

really bother me that I can't wear heels, that is the least of my worries. I am

not discounting your sadness over this -- I guess it's been my reality for so

long am just used to it.

You have a choice with chronic illness and it's to try see the glass half empty

or half full (sorry for the cliche). You can be sick and sad or sick and as

happy as you can be with your condition. You will feel better if you can try

and focus on all the good things in your life. Right now I am so grateful I can

go for a 20 minute walk every day at 3 months post op for my spinal fusion. I

still can't do the long hikes I so long for but I can walk further than I could

3 months ago. To the average person they would be pretty bummed only being able

to walk 20 minutes. I am also grateful I walked out of the spine unit after

surgery unlike so many who left in wheelchairs.

I am not discounting your pain and sadness - and it's good to let it out -- just

don't let it overcome you. At one point a nurse working with me recommended I

see a cousellor many years ago -- it really helped me put things into

perspective and realize I was not clinically depressed -- just so saddened and

pissed about my condition/illness (I have some other issues) -- and feeling the

loss and hopelessness of it all. A few sessions really did make a difference

for me. And, pain control is very important as if you are in terrible pain that

will just overcome you, but it sounds like you have recently found some relief,

so that is great.

I have an elderly neighbour who is still at home at the age of 90, with the help

of home care -- she is an inspiration. She has had surgery on both knees and

elbows, and one hip -- due to some type of illness in her 60's that destroyed

those joints. She can barely get around on a walker, yet I have never ever

heard her complain about her condition once! (I complain way too much when I

compare myself to her).

I am so glad you are getting your pain under control -- that alone should do

wonders for you. And -- I am truly hoping you will find some relief with

surgery. Keep us posted on your progress and don't be afraid to go to get some

help with a counsellor if that is possible. I felt a bit silly when I went but

in the end it was very worthwhile. It sounds like you could use someone to talk

to.

Dee

To: tetheredspinalcord

From: Nina.Bunton@...

Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 08:58:45 +0100

Subject: Re: Pain semi control- everything else not

, that's how a tethered cord can feel sometimes, but once your pain

is controlled then you should feel better

I have to make a comment about shoes and heels though - I have bilaterally

deformed feet due to the TC and at no time in my life have I been able to

wear anything other than CHILD's open-toed sandals. I have NEVER been able

to wear any type of nice shoes, heels or flats, and that to me is a

lifelong issue that I mourn for - even tho I never had the opportunity to

do! However, I don't let it spoil my life, as I have better things to think

about than what I put on my stupid feet

So I regret that TC give you a lot more to cope with than just pain - it

can take away your means of feeling feminine (shoes), it can make you

dependent on people, it can make you b....dy angry and " why me " . It can

stop you doing tourist things - like I wanted to walk in the Grand Canyon

while I was over there in 2005, but couldn't. I had to stop walking and get

a taxi half-way back down Las Vegas strip. I can't even walk Hadrian's Wall

in the UK as the pain in my feet is far too bad. Sometimes, like yesterday,

I couldn't even get out of bed - 9 years after a TC surgery that was meant

to make me better.

However, you can do a lot of things with a TC - and only you can find them,

and cope with them. TC surgery is not going to be the miracle cure to pain

and deterioration; it won't give you back your life that you had before it

got worse. You are stuck with it - and being totally honest, you have to

find ways to cope with it and get over the depressions. You can't live your

life in a depression, just because of something wrong with your back. Your

body is made up of a lot more than just your back - what about dressing up

in gorgeous clothes and putting on flat shoes; what about make-up; what

about your hair; etc etc etc. On your wedding day you don't want to be the

only one with a sad face.

Read my travel blog to see what I did in 2007-2008, with the pain of a TC

and yet I went travelling. THAT's what I can do with a TC - only you know

what you could do.....

Nina

Bristol, UK

www.btinternet.com/~tetheredcordresources

http://careerbreak-nina.blogspot.com/

--On 11 October 2010 20:33 -0700 Dybowski

wrote:

>

>

>

>

> So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my

> pain has been semi- controlled.

> Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

> I don't think I'm depressed.

> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

> woman anymore...

> I just feel lost and emotional.

> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

>

>

>

----------------------

Ms Nina Bunton

Senior Postgraduate Taught Programmes Administrator

Graduate School of Engineering

Room 3.37, Merchant Venturers Building

Woodland Road

Bristol BS8 1UB

Email: nina.bunton@...

Tel: 0

Fax: TBC

Mobile: 0777 2470 111

Working hours: Monday-Friday 8.30-4.00

[Guest guest]

Just wanted to add my two cents: I think we all understand what it's like

to get the most pressing matter under control and then realize other issues

are still present or appear more important than they did previously. I'm

tall so I've never worn heels, have always wished I could, but unless I

wanted to be taller than I am (5'10 " ), it wasn't an option. Now I wouldn't

be able to wear heels if I were 5'1 " because of the damage from the tethered

cord.

We all have our boo-hoo moments that are driven from what we " can't do/can't

have/used to do/wanted to do " . After we had our family, I returned to

school and I had just completed student teaching and was taking my last

course for my teaching degree. Just after starting my last course, I was

diagnosed with Lipomeningocele and underwent the initial untethering. The

surgery left me with intractable pain (or is retractable??). At any rate, I

didn't finish the last course needed for my degree. Years later, my mentor

phoned to tell me she was looking over my transcripts and found a program at

the university that would allow me to take the last course I needed via

distance ed. and the degree would also allow me to obtain my teaching

license. My new degree would be in general studies, but the compromise was

well worth it since it still gave me the end result - a teaching license.

I finished the course and then realized, a teaching license is great - but

with the pain I was in, it was worthless. I couldn't work. We relocated

just as I received my degree in the mail (from the north to the south). I

found a great pain mgt. group here and they implanted an intrathecal pump

which allowed me to return to teaching - for three (very short) years. I

recently left teaching because of new problems, deficits, return of pain and

new pain areas, decline, etc.

I decided that first week home (four weeks ago) that I could either be very

grateful for three years of working and doing what I wanted to do, or I

could be angry, sad, and miserable that I only got three years of doing what

I wanted to do. I may return to work - I don't know yet, but even if I

don't, I'm of course going to be extremely grateful for my three years of

employment and the opportunity to do what I've wanted to do my whole life -

teach students with learning disabilities.

It's all in how we perceive things as Dee said below. We can wallow which

ultimately makes us miserable beings and pushes great people away from us -

and attracts those like-minded negative people to us making us even more

miserable or we can be grateful, attracting those like-minded people to us

making us happier beings. I choose happy and I'm sure you will too. You

were having a moment - you're getting married, starting to understand the

pain you have and how to control it, but you'll get there and be positive

too.

Kathy

Re: Pain semi control- everything else not

>

>

>

>

>

>

> , that's how a tethered cord can feel sometimes, but once your pain

> is controlled then you should feel better

>

> I have to make a comment about shoes and heels though - I have bilaterally

> deformed feet due to the TC and at no time in my life have I been able to

> wear anything other than CHILD's open-toed sandals. I have NEVER been able

> to wear any type of nice shoes, heels or flats, and that to me is a

> lifelong issue that I mourn for - even tho I never had the opportunity to

> do! However, I don't let it spoil my life, as I have better things to

> think

> about than what I put on my stupid feet

>

> So I regret that TC give you a lot more to cope with than just pain - it

> can take away your means of feeling feminine (shoes), it can make you

> dependent on people, it can make you b....dy angry and " why me " . It can

> stop you doing tourist things - like I wanted to walk in the Grand Canyon

> while I was over there in 2005, but couldn't. I had to stop walking and

> get

> a taxi half-way back down Las Vegas strip. I can't even walk Hadrian's

> Wall

> in the UK as the pain in my feet is far too bad. Sometimes, like

> yesterday,

> I couldn't even get out of bed - 9 years after a TC surgery that was meant

> to make me better.

>

> However, you can do a lot of things with a TC - and only you can find

> them,

> and cope with them. TC surgery is not going to be the miracle cure to pain

> and deterioration; it won't give you back your life that you had before it

> got worse. You are stuck with it - and being totally honest, you have to

> find ways to cope with it and get over the depressions. You can't live

> your

> life in a depression, just because of something wrong with your back. Your

> body is made up of a lot more than just your back - what about dressing up

> in gorgeous clothes and putting on flat shoes; what about make-up; what

> about your hair; etc etc etc. On your wedding day you don't want to be the

> only one with a sad face.

>

> Read my travel blog to see what I did in 2007-2008, with the pain of a TC

> and yet I went travelling. THAT's what I can do with a TC - only you know

> what you could do.....

>

> Nina

> Bristol, UK

> www.btinternet.com/~tetheredcordresources

> http://careerbreak-nina.blogspot.com/

>

> --On 11 October 2010 20:33 -0700 Dybowski

> wrote:

>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my

>> pain has been semi- controlled.

>> Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think

>> clearly?

>> I don't think I'm depressed.

>> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

>> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

>> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

>> woman anymore...

>> I just feel lost and emotional.

>> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

>> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

>> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

>>

>>

>>

>

> ----------------------

> Ms Nina Bunton

> Senior Postgraduate Taught Programmes Administrator

>

> Graduate School of Engineering

> Room 3.37, Merchant Venturers Building

> Woodland Road

> Bristol BS8 1UB

>

> Email: nina.bunton@...

> Tel: 0

> Fax: TBC

> Mobile: 0777 2470 111

> Working hours: Monday-Friday 8.30-4.00

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, you bring up a good point, pain affects thinking ability! I have tried

to explain that to people, but most just dont get it unless they have had that

severe of pain. I am so happy for you that you are getting some relief! Its

amazing how much it affects your life, in ways you arent even aware of until you

arent in the midst of it. Being angry sometimes is normal, it is part of the

grieving process actually. We all have had to mourn our losses, whatever those

may be, as each of us value different things but they are all losses if they

were important to us. Its just part of it. Eventually, you will find

replacements for those things and come to terms with them. For me, pain is the

biggest issue. If I can keep that under some sort of control (where I can think)

then I can always work around the other limitations May take some creative

thinking LOL For instance, right now..I am going to lose my house. When I bought

the house I had twice the income (before they took my LTD away) and whatever I

couldnt do, I could pay someone else to do. When they took it away, it put me in

a serious financial bind. I am fighting for it back but who knows when or if

that will happen, I cant count on it. Also, I was hoping this last surgery would

allow me to work again so I could keep it but that isnt happening either. The

surgery was a great success but I need way more healing time. So...where to go.

Rent is as much as my house. I dont want to do government housing. I dont want

to move back in with Mom lol. So... I bought a gypsy wagon a couple years ago,

when I realized I could never ride my horses again, I decided to let them pull

me. When I could no longer care for my horses, I had to place them and at that

time I almost sold my wagon but I thought, who knows one day I might have to

live in it. Guess what? I do. My SSDI will be plenty sufficient if I dont have a

mortgage or rent payment so I am going off the grid. I have always wanted to

anyway and now I have the incentive and opportunity to do it. I will have to be

careful of course, plan very well and set myself up so that I can manage even if

I decline but it can (and will) be done I live a very simple life anyway so

it wont be as huge of a change as you might think, plus I am going to move back

to CO to be closer to my daughter in case I need help. So, that is the gift of

TC, PN and all the other stuff life throws at you...you learn to adapt and great

things come from it Hang in there, weddings can be stressful " if you let them

be " ...Ive been married (and divorced) three times LOL Just keep it simple, in

the long run, the vows are all that matters anyway   HUG,

________________________________

To: tetheredspinalcord

Sent: Mon, October 11, 2010 10:33:01 PM

Subject: Pain semi control- everything else not

 

So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my pain has

been semi- controlled.

Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

I don't think I'm depressed.

I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get how much

pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed because I have to

plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a woman anymore...

I just feel lost and emotional.

I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels anymore

lol or go to work all dressed up...

Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

[Guest guest]

Hi, :

I REALLY understand what you are feeling/depressed/upset about.

>> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

>> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

>> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

>> woman anymore...

>> I just feel lost and emotional.

>> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

>> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

>> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

You DO have people to commiserate with...I am sorry that you are going through

this. I have been going through it for a long, long time, and I, like Dee

below, have deformed feet...they don't look too bad, but I have to wear thick

soled shoes, like Fit Flops or sneakers, or other thick soled sandals. Now I

have foot drop and went yesterday for them to make a cast of my right foot up to

the knee so they can make an " AFO " which is an orthotic that holds your foot up

so you can not trip over it. With that, you have to wear tied shoes, so no more

sandals for me, which sucks because i live in South Florida where it is hot all

the time. I too, get really upset about how most people don't get how much pain

we are in.

I had my detethering surgery 9 1/2 wks ago, but " systems are failing " ...I know

that you have to be patient, and it can take a year, but I also have EDS,

coccydynia, cervical and lumbar stenosis, and a bunch of other things wrong

internally due to the EDS (like almost every organ and body system)...so even if

the TCS related things improve, I've still got all of this other stuff that has

no foreseeable improvement ahead.

When I got married 6 yrs ago, I wore very pretty beaded sandals which were

comfortable but still looked beautiful with my wedding dress. I too get choked

up when I see all the great looking high heels, but I chalk it off to the fact

that many other 50+ year old women can't wear them for a variety of other

reasons....but you sound younger, so I know that makes it much worse....

Also, having to explain what TCS (and all the other stuff) is to not only your

family, friends, co-workers, people in stores and on the street but also to

doctors and PT's and other medical people is just plain draining and that alone

makes you feel pissed off.

You are not alone.

Begin forwarded message:

>

> Date: October 12, 2010 11:48:04 AM EDT

> To: <tetheredspinalcord >

> Subject: RE: Pain semi control- everything else not

> Reply-To: tetheredspinalcord

>

>

> That was a great post Nina. -- I haven't been able to wear heels all

my life - and I wore a nice pair of dressy flats to my wedding 20 yrs ago - I

don't think anyone even noticed! Luckily today there are much more " practical "

stylish shoes out there for those of us that cannot do the " normal ones " -- I

personally wear birkenstock sandals and clogs, and orthodics in runners, but

right now am having feet issues that I am stuck in my sandals! , there

are some stores that focus on good shoes and really, they have come a long way

in style. Honestly, although I hate shoe shopping due to my feet, it doesn't

really bother me that I can't wear heels, that is the least of my worries. I am

not discounting your sadness over this -- I guess it's been my reality for so

long am just used to it.

>

> You have a choice with chronic illness and it's to try see the glass half

empty or half full (sorry for the cliche). You can be sick and sad or sick and

as happy as you can be with your condition. You will feel better if you can try

and focus on all the good things in your life. Right now I am so grateful I can

go for a 20 minute walk every day at 3 months post op for my spinal fusion. I

still can't do the long hikes I so long for but I can walk further than I could

3 months ago. To the average person they would be pretty bummed only being able

to walk 20 minutes. I am also grateful I walked out of the spine unit after

surgery unlike so many who left in wheelchairs.

>

> I am not discounting your pain and sadness - and it's good to let it out --

just don't let it overcome you. At one point a nurse working with me

recommended I see a cousellor many years ago -- it really helped me put things

into perspective and realize I was not clinically depressed -- just so saddened

and pissed about my condition/illness (I have some other issues) -- and feeling

the loss and hopelessness of it all. A few sessions really did make a

difference for me. And, pain control is very important as if you are in

terrible pain that will just overcome you, but it sounds like you have recently

found some relief, so that is great.

>

> I have an elderly neighbour who is still at home at the age of 90, with the

help of home care -- she is an inspiration. She has had surgery on both knees

and elbows, and one hip -- due to some type of illness in her 60's that

destroyed those joints. She can barely get around on a walker, yet I have never

ever heard her complain about her condition once! (I complain way too much when

I compare myself to her).

>

> I am so glad you are getting your pain under control -- that alone should do

wonders for you. And -- I am truly hoping you will find some relief with

surgery. Keep us posted on your progress and don't be afraid to go to get some

help with a counsellor if that is possible. I felt a bit silly when I went but

in the end it was very worthwhile. It sounds like you could use someone to talk

to.

>

> Dee

>

>

>

>

>

> To: tetheredspinalcord

> From: Nina.Bunton@...

> Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 08:58:45 +0100

> Subject: Re: Pain semi control- everything else not

>

>

>

>

>

>

> , that's how a tethered cord can feel sometimes, but once your pain

> is controlled then you should feel better

>

> I have to make a comment about shoes and heels though - I have bilaterally

> deformed feet due to the TC and at no time in my life have I been able to

> wear anything other than CHILD's open-toed sandals. I have NEVER been able

> to wear any type of nice shoes, heels or flats, and that to me is a

> lifelong issue that I mourn for - even tho I never had the opportunity to

> do! However, I don't let it spoil my life, as I have better things to think

> about than what I put on my stupid feet

>

> So I regret that TC give you a lot more to cope with than just pain - it

> can take away your means of feeling feminine (shoes), it can make you

> dependent on people, it can make you b....dy angry and " why me " . It can

> stop you doing tourist things - like I wanted to walk in the Grand Canyon

> while I was over there in 2005, but couldn't. I had to stop walking and get

> a taxi half-way back down Las Vegas strip. I can't even walk Hadrian's Wall

> in the UK as the pain in my feet is far too bad. Sometimes, like yesterday,

> I couldn't even get out of bed - 9 years after a TC surgery that was meant

> to make me better.

>

> However, you can do a lot of things with a TC - and only you can find them,

> and cope with them. TC surgery is not going to be the miracle cure to pain

> and deterioration; it won't give you back your life that you had before it

> got worse. You are stuck with it - and being totally honest, you have to

> find ways to cope with it and get over the depressions. You can't live your

> life in a depression, just because of something wrong with your back. Your

> body is made up of a lot more than just your back - what about dressing up

> in gorgeous clothes and putting on flat shoes; what about make-up; what

> about your hair; etc etc etc. On your wedding day you don't want to be the

> only one with a sad face.

>

> Read my travel blog to see what I did in 2007-2008, with the pain of a TC

> and yet I went travelling. THAT's what I can do with a TC - only you know

> what you could do.....

>

> Nina

> Bristol, UK

> www.btinternet.com/~tetheredcordresources

> http://careerbreak-nina.blogspot.com/

>

> --On 11 October 2010 20:33 -0700 Dybowski

> wrote:

>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my

>> pain has been semi- controlled.

>> Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

>> I don't think I'm depressed.

>> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

>> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

>> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

>> woman anymore...

>> I just feel lost and emotional.

>> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

>> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

>> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

>>

>>

>>

>

> ----------------------

> Ms Nina Bunton

> Senior Postgraduate Taught Programmes Administrator

>

> Graduate School of Engineering

> Room 3.37, Merchant Venturers Building

> Woodland Road

> Bristol BS8 1UB

>

> Email: nina.bunton@...

> Tel: 0

> Fax: TBC

> Mobile: 0777 2470 111

> Working hours: Monday-Friday 8.30-4.00

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Cathleen,

Do you think you are having complications from the surgery? Has it made

anything better? I am so sorry you are having problems and hope things get

better.

> >

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> So I realized today that I have been feeling totally different since my

> >> pain has been semi- controlled.

> >> Like I have finally realized what is going on because I can think clearly?

> >> I don't think I'm depressed.

> >> I'm just pissed off at everything. I'm pissed that no one seems to get

> >> how much pain I'm in, what this disease is capable of doing, I'm pissed

> >> because I have to plan my wedding, I'm pissed that I don't feel like a

> >> woman anymore...

> >> I just feel lost and emotional.

> >> I was in tears at the mall cause I really can't wear gorgeous fall heels

> >> anymore lol or go to work all dressed up...

> >> Sorry I had to let it out. I really feel like I have no one to talk to.

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >

> > ----------------------

> > Ms Nina Bunton

> > Senior Postgraduate Taught Programmes Administrator

> >

> > Graduate School of Engineering

> > Room 3.37, Merchant Venturers Building

> > Woodland Road

> > Bristol BS8 1UB

> >

> > Email: nina.bunton@...

> > Tel: 0

> > Fax: TBC

> > Mobile: 0777 2470 111

> > Working hours: Monday-Friday 8.30-4.00

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >