Re: Favorite ACT processes

[Guest guest]

Hi Bruce,

Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth; e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say here (in the moment) but it is getting easier to "reflect before reacting".

For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and resigned to my "fate" for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The more I "do", the easier the "doing" becomes.

Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and then inviting some people over to see them (building connection with others). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed, lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.

Helena

From: "Bruce Carlson" <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PMSubject: Favorite ACT processes

I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most difficult ACT processes.For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too bad at letting them go for awhile.Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the here and now.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

Put up the Christmas decorations!Building connection with others is a piece of the ACT work thatis given far too little attention. I am working on a new book (it is far away ... don't even ask when it will be done)

integrating evolution science and behavioral science and then trying to applythat to personal and social development. Think of it as ACT meetsevolution.Humans are among the most social species on the planet.

Even our cognitive abilities evolved in the contextof cooperation. You don't understand a word unless you canrespond both as a speaker (object or action is " name " ) and as a listener

( " name " is object or action) -- and that is not an accident.Cognition is an act of cooperation.Nowadays cognition has run away with us ...but this is a cultural accident caused by 

the explosion of science and technology.If we dig down into what that " hexaflex " means a big piece of it is this:this is what we want in our relationships.We want to be accepted and not judged; we want attention;

we want another conscious human being to see us;we want to contribute and to be cared for.I just stated the six hexaflex processes.Our barriers show up in the context of creating connections with others.

That is where the whole thing started.That is a big chunk of what this is all about.- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298

University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mind

Huffington Post  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: 

http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes

or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost if up to your own values.

If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join

orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

 

Hi Bruce,

 

Great question!  Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for a long time.  Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime in if I am still misunderstanding it.  To me, it simply means being open to whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth; e.g., lashing out.  I'm not always there, or should I say here (in the moment) but it is getting easier to " reflect before reacting " . 

 

For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need to constantly keep reminding myself to do.  Having been apathetic and resigned to my " fate " for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember that I need to ACT.  The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps.  The more I " do " , the easier the " doing " becomes.

 

Example:  Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and then inviting some people over to see them (building connection with others).  I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed, lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc.  I don't want to commit to it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself down last year by not decorating as planned.  At this point, I am willing to commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister made for me years ago.  I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations.  I appreciate beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly hand crafted) that I'd like to see again. 

 

Helena

From: " Bruce Carlson " <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PMSubject: Favorite ACT processes

 

I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most difficult ACT processes.For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too

bad at letting them go for awhile.Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult

feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the here and now.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

I think we want(ed) to to be wanted and loved children. So did our parents.So many orphans.I disdain Christmas, not least because of the commercial/religious trappings, but most of all because it reminds me of all that wasn't, like unconditional regard. (Maybe we need a new Christmas, or some celebration where guards are dropped and honesty is welcomed and felt.)I'll be interested in your take on all that.Regards,Detlef> > > **> >> >> > Hi Bruce,> >> >> >> > Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for> > a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime> > in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to> > whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or> > wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not> > instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth;> > e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say *here* (in the> > moment) but it is getting easier to "reflect before reacting".> >> >> >> > For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need> > to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and> > resigned to my "fate" for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember> > that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The> > more I "do", the easier the "doing" becomes.> >> >> >> > Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing> > around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and> > then inviting some people over to see them *(building connection with> > other*s). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed,> > lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to> > it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself> > down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to> > commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister> > made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get> > the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate> > beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly> > hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.> >> >> >> > Helena> >> > ------------------------------> >> > * > *To: *"ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > *Sent: *Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PM> > *Subject: * Favorite ACT processes> >> >> >> > I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most> > difficult ACT processes.> >> > For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from> > unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too> > bad at letting them go for awhile.> >> > Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time> > making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to> > step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult> > feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the> > difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the> > here and now.> >> > Thanks,> > Bruce> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

Christmas reminds me of all the love that CAN BE in this world, not what hasn't been. To me, it is a chance to celebrate community with others and decorate our houses and yards in happy colors and lights. We can each create our own "new Christmas" by dropping our guard and being honest with others - by starting there, with that. Of course, many people don't celebrate the true meaning of Christmas because they are not Christians, but some non-Christians celebrate what it represents, which is giving and spreading love. Of course, there are some - perhaps many - who don't get into the spirit of Christmas at all and choose to not celebrate, and others who go crazy with commercialism. I choose to celebrate the spirit of Christmas because it brings me joy and helps me to bring joy to others as well.

I will get out those decorations, !

Helena

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 11:34:28 AMSubject: Re: Favorite ACT processes

I think we want(ed) to to be wanted and loved children. So did our parents.So many orphans.I disdain Christmas, not least because of the commercial/religious trappings, but most of all because it reminds me of all that wasn't, like unconditional regard. (Maybe we need a new Christmas, or some celebration where guards are dropped and honesty is welcomed and felt.)I'll be interested in your take on all that.Regards,Detlef> > > **> >> >> > Hi Bruce,> >> >> >> > Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for> > a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime> > in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to> > whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or> > wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not> > instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth;> > e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say *here* (in the> > moment) but it is getting easier to "reflect before reacting".> >> >> >> > For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need> > to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and> > resigned to my "fate" for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember> > that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The> > more I "do", the easier the "doing" becomes.> >> >> >> > Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing> > around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and> > then inviting some people over to see them *(building connection with> > other*s). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed,> > lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to> > it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself> > down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to> > commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister> > made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get> > the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate> > beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly> > hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.> >> >> >> > Helena> >> > ------------------------------> >> > * > *To: *"ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > *Sent: *Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PM> > *Subject: * Favorite ACT processes> >> >> >> > I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most> > difficult ACT processes.> >> > For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from> > unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too> > bad at letting them go for awhile.> >> > Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time> > making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to> > step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult> > feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the> > difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the> > here and now.> >> > Thanks,> > Bruce> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

lovely posts dr. hayes and helena:-)my schooling was in a catholic convent, hence even though i don't celebrate christmas as a 'religious holiday' per say, i have a lotta fond memories of all the celebrations i was part of growing up. We would havta memorize christmas carols, obviously i hadta lip- sing, as i have a husky voice, perhaps good for public speaking, but NOT singing;). closer to the date, we would get yummy treats every morning after we went to the church to pray. it was an all girls convent, so a female teacher would dress up as santa, we'd get gifts, we'd have a huge christamas tree to decorate. the week of, we'd have skits, plays, performaces etc. etc...i loooooooooooved it. Being a Muslim, i am so blessed to have yet had the opportunity to have expereinced and been part of such a wonderful occasion. Moving from chicago i looooooooooooved snow, and seeing beautifully decorated houses in christmas.wasalaam:-)-K Designs.To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:42:39 +0000Subject: Re: Re: Favorite ACT processes

Christmas reminds me of all the love that CAN BE in this world, not what hasn't been. To me, it is a chance to celebrate community with others and decorate our houses and yards in happy colors and lights. We can each create our own "new Christmas" by dropping our guard and being honest with others - by starting there, with that. Of course, many people don't celebrate the true meaning of Christmas because they are not Christians, but some non-Christians celebrate what it represents, which is giving and spreading love. Of course, there are some - perhaps many - who don't get into the spirit of Christmas at all and choose to not celebrate, and others who go crazy with commercialism. I choose to celebrate the spirit of Christmas because it brings me joy and helps me to bring joy to others as well.

I will get out those decorations, !

Helena

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 11:34:28 AMSubject: Re: Favorite ACT processes

I think we want(ed) to to be wanted and loved children. So did our parents.So many orphans.I disdain Christmas, not least because of the commercial/religious trappings, but most of all because it reminds me of all that wasn't, like unconditional regard. (Maybe we need a new Christmas, or some celebration where guards are dropped and honesty is welcomed and felt.)I'll be interested in your take on all that.Regards,Detlef> > > **> >> >> > Hi Bruce,> >> >> >> > Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for> > a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime> > in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to> > whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or> > wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not> > instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth;> > e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say *here* (in the> > moment) but it is getting easier to "reflect before reacting".> >> >> >> > For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need> > to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and> > resigned to my "fate" for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember> > that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The> > more I "do", the easier the "doing" becomes.> >> >> >> > Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing> > around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and> > then inviting some people over to see them *(building connection with> > other*s). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed,> > lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to> > it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself> > down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to> > commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister> > made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get> > the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate> > beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly> > hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.> >> >> >> > Helena> >> > ------------------------------> >> > * > *To: *"ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > *Sent: *Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PM> > *Subject: * Favorite ACT processes> >> >> >> > I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most> > difficult ACT processes.> >> > For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from> > unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too> > bad at letting them go for awhile.> >> > Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time> > making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to> > step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult> > feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the> > difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the> > here and now.> >> > Thanks,> > Bruce> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

, you're bringing back memories from my being in several different children's homes for many a Christmas. They all made it very special for us kids - it was magical - we were showered with gifts and attention! The only sad thing was missing my mom and dad.

Helena

To: "act for the public" <act_for_the_public >Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 1:22:01 PMSubject: RE: Re: Favorite ACT processes

lovely posts dr. hayes and helena:-)my schooling was in a catholic convent, hence even though i don't celebrate christmas as a 'religious holiday' per say, i have a lotta fond memories of all the celebrations i was part of growing up. We would havta memorize christmas carols, obviously i hadta lip- sing, as i have a husky voice, perhaps good for public speaking, but NOT singing;). closer to the date, we would get yummy treats every morning after we went to the church to pray. it was an all girls convent, so a female teacher would dress up as santa, we'd get gifts, we'd have a huge christamas tree to decorate. the week of, we'd have skits, plays, performaces etc. etc...i loooooooooooved it. Being a Muslim, i am so blessed to have yet had the opportunity to have expereinced and been part of such a wonderful occasion. Moving from chicago i looooooooooooved snow, and seeing beautifully decorated houses in christmas.wasalaam:-)-K Designs.

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:42:39 +0000Subject: Re: Re: Favorite ACT processes

Christmas reminds me of all the love that CAN BE in this world, not what hasn't been. To me, it is a chance to celebrate community with others and decorate our houses and yards in happy colors and lights. We can each create our own "new Christmas" by dropping our guard and being honest with others - by starting there, with that. Of course, many people don't celebrate the true meaning of Christmas because they are not Christians, but some non-Christians celebrate what it represents, which is giving and spreading love. Of course, there are some - perhaps many - who don't get into the spirit of Christmas at all and choose to not celebrate, and others who go crazy with commercialism. I choose to celebrate the spirit of Christmas because it brings me joy and helps me to bring joy to others as well.

I will get out those decorations, !

Helena

Helena

To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 11:34:28 AMSubject: Re: Favorite ACT processes

I think we want(ed) to to be wanted and loved children. So did our parents.So many orphans.I disdain Christmas, not least because of the commercial/religious trappings, but most of all because it reminds me of all that wasn't, like unconditional regard. (Maybe we need a new Christmas, or some celebration where guards are dropped and honesty is welcomed and felt.)I'll be interested in your take on all that.Regards,Detlef> > > **> >> >> > Hi Bruce,> >> >> >> > Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for> > a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime> > in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to> > whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or> > wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not> > instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth;> > e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say *here* (in the> > moment) but it is getting easier to "reflect before reacting".> >> >> >> > For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need> > to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and> > resigned to my "fate" for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember> > that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The> > more I "do", the easier the "doing" becomes.> >> >> >> > Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing> > around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and> > then inviting some people over to see them *(building connection with> > other*s). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed,> > lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to> > it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself> > down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to> > commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister> > made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get> > the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate> > beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly> > hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.> >> >> >> > Helena> >> > ------------------------------> >> > * > *To: *"ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > > *Sent: *Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PM> > *Subject: * Favorite ACT processes> >> >> >> > I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most> > difficult ACT processes.> >> > For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from> > unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too> > bad at letting them go for awhile.> >> > Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time> > making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to> > step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult> > feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the> > difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the> > here and now.> >> > Thanks,> > Bruce> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

To help build connection with self and others,I highly recommend collecting

decorations for all holidays and storing them in a large, see-thru plastic bin,

and tben never using 8o% of them. Make sure not to forget to stare at all the

holiday wrapping and gift bags you got for half off from the year prior. And

don't forget to imagine sending all the beautiful cards to people you haven't

met yet. And to top it off, make sure you make the suffering complete by keeping

items out well into Spring of the following year. ;-)

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Hi Bruce,

> >

> >

> >

> > Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for

> > a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime

> > in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to

> > whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or

> > wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not

> > instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth;

> > e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say *here* (in the

> > moment) but it is getting easier to " reflect before reacting " .

> >

> >

> >

> > For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need

> > to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and

> > resigned to my " fate " for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember

> > that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The

> > more I " do " , the easier the " doing " becomes.

> >

> >

> >

> > Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing

> > around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and

> > then inviting some people over to see them *(building connection with

> > other*s). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed,

> > lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to

> > it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself

> > down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to

> > commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister

> > made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get

> > the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate

> > beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly

> > hand crafted) that I'd like to see again.

> >

> >

> >

> > Helena

> >

> > ------------------------------

> >

> > *

> > *To: * " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

> > *Sent: *Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PM

> > *Subject: * Favorite ACT processes

> >

> >

> >

> > I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most

> > difficult ACT processes.

> >

> > For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from

> > unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too

> > bad at letting them go for awhile.

> >

> > Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time

> > making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to

> > step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult

> > feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the

> > difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the

> > here and now.

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Bruce

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Apologies if this isn't more than what Steve offered. Still, these words came flowing into my mind and I felt moved to share them. " There can be no connection in a soil rich in conditions " Peace -john

P. Forsyth, Ph.D.

Professor of Psychology

Director, Anxiety Disorders Research Program

University at Albany, SUNY

Department of Psychology

Social Sciences 399

1400 Washington Avenue

Albany, NY 12222

Ph:

Fax:

email: forsyth@...

Lab Web Page:

Anxiety Disorders Research Program

Blogs:

Mindfulness & Acceptance for Anxiety

Peace of Mind at Psychology Today

Dr. Forsyth's Books on Amazon.com

Our Clinical Trials Evaluating ACT for Anxiety:

Visit ACTforAnxiety.com

Reply-To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2011 09:57:01 -0400To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >Subject: Re: Favorite ACT processes

Put up the Christmas decorations!Building connection with others is a piece of the ACT work thatis given far too little attention. I am working on a new book (it is far away ... don't even ask when it will be done)integrating evolution science and behavioral science and then trying to applythat to personal and social development. Think of it as ACT meetsevolution.Humans are among the most social species on the planet.Even our cognitive abilities evolved in the contextof cooperation. You don't understand a word unless you canrespond both as a speaker (object or action is " name " ) and as a listener( " name " is object or action) -- and that is not an accident.Cognition is an act of cooperation.Nowadays cognition has run away with us ...but this is a cultural accident caused by the explosion of science and technology.If we dig down into what that " hexaflex " means a big piece of it is this:this is what we want in our relationships.We want to be accepted and not judged; we want attention;we want another conscious human being to see us;we want to contribute and to be cared for.I just stated the six hexaflex processes.Our barriers show up in the context of creating connections with others.That is where the whole thing started.That is a big chunk of what this is all about.- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298

University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...

Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phdIf you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (it is semi-functional) stevenchayes.comIf you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at website of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS): www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost if up to your own values. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/joinorhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/joinOn Mon, Oct 24, 2011 at 6:18 AM, hbbr wrote:

Hi Bruce, Great question! Being in the moment was a hard concept for me to grasp for a long time. Now I think I'm starting to get it - I hope someone will chime in if I am still misunderstanding it. To me, it simply means being open to whatever IS in the moment - without judging or comparing or denying or wishing it were different - and the most important thing for me is to not instantly react negatively to perceived threats to my ego or self worth; e.g., lashing out. I'm not always there, or should I say here (in the moment) but it is getting easier to " reflect before reacting " . For me, moving my hands and feet toward my values is the part that I need to constantly keep reminding myself to do. Having been apathetic and resigned to my " fate " for so long, it's a constant challenge to remember that I need to ACT. The payoff is huge, though, even for tiny steps. The more I " do " , the easier the " doing " becomes. Example: Perhaps not terribly important but a biggie for me - I'm playing around with the idea of getting out my Christmas decorations this year and then inviting some people over to see them (building connection with others). I have not decorated since Christmas 1999 - too depressed, lonely, no one but me will see them anyway, etc. I don't want to commit to it yet because I really don't know if I can pull it off, and I let myself down last year by not decorating as planned. At this point, I am willing to commit to unpacking the beautiful ceramic Christmas tree my artist sister made for me years ago. I bet if (when!) I do that, my excitement will get the best of me and I may unpack a few more decorations. I appreciate beautiful things and have collected some treasures over the years (mostly hand crafted) that I'd like to see again. HelenaFrom: " Bruce Carlson " <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>To: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PMSubject: Favorite ACT processes I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most difficult ACT processes.For me, diffusion is the easiest. I'm getting better at unhooking from unhelpful thoughts. They do come back over and over but I'm not too

bad at letting them go for awhile.Most difficult for me is expansion. I have a really difficult time making room for emotion and not letting it consume me. It's hard to step back and see the big picture when I'm in the grip of difficult

feelings. A close second is contact with the present moment. When the difficult feelings are on me, I have a hard time being present in the here and now.Thanks,Bruce

[Guest guest]

hi bruce:-)i wanted to put in my 2 dinars:-)Personally, i feel like all the ACT processes r inter- connected in some way or the other. I have a very simple mind, hence in real time i am never able to keep track of which specific process i just used. However i do feel like once i loosen the grip of a painful/unpleasant thought on me, not let it's content threaten me, i automatically develop 'some' willingness to experience the emotion/feeling that follows it (expansion). Emotions/feelings r surely influenced by thoughts but thoughts DO NOT dictate our feelings. Defusing might not rid the painful feeling, but it's impact will eventually reduce as we keep practising the skill of expanding as much as possible so we can give it enough room to spread out. If i just did difusion and expansion, and i have infcat realized that there is more to me in this moment than the painful expereince, then i am connecting with an observers perspective and am in the present moment. Commited action in service of values is here somewhere, as being willing to take this action repeatidly(let the thought just be, make some room for the anxiety) is infact in service of some value i hold. A lotta times it's for helping people, for connecting, building freindships. If nothing, somedays my value is simply makin the most of every moment as it passes by, with or without pain. What resinates with me, or facinates me the most is 'self as context'. Perhaps coz I am able to connect my spiritual aspect with it. What i do the most is commited actions, as for me these processes r not natural (control stratergies come naturally to us as humans). these r learned behaviours, and the more u practise the more they start coming naturally to you.My friendly advice to u would be bruce, hold everything lightly. Even ur values , coz end of the day, even values r thoughts. Sometimes rigidity or expectations make a process tougher. And sometimes if u realize that this whole 'process' is actually nothing but how u live and experiemce ur time in this world, then u will c that end goals don't matter as much, what matters is just the expereince of ur journey. ultimately We all have the choice and ability to make the most of that journey, despite any/all obsticles . wasalaam:-)-K Designs.

From: "Bruce Carlson" <onebnzcomcast (DOT) net>To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, October 23, 2011 12:58:23 PMSubject: Favorite ACT processes

I'm wondering what other listers think are the easiest and most difficult ACT processes.