Re: Shame

[Guest guest]

The non obvious part of shame to dig outand learn just to look at: the fusion with judgment.It is not just an acceptance deal as might occur with, say, sadness.It is that embedded judgmenteg " I'm bad "

- S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing "

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,When I read the word " overcome " , my immediate thought was an image of a prize fight.... I believe shame had been suggested to be rooted in a very sensible human desire to avoid being excluded from the social group (no references handy, but search Ehkhert or Cialdini, if memory serves). It arises when we are anxious that our behavior will attract the criticism of the group. So, nothing mysterious there!

Given that, why overcome it? Why not mindfully examine where it comes from, investigate the associatesd behaviors, and change what can be changed while accepting this sensible emotion for what it is: a mental alert? In this moment, it is appropriate because it is pointing at an existing current behavior. Or, conversely, in this moment there is no such behavior, but shame arises because of a constant mental focus on a memory or imagined future when such a behavior arises. In the first case, you can address the behavior. In the second, you can address the focus on fused thoughts, on fusing with with memory or the imagining.

For me, " ah-ha " comes when I realize the alarm is going off needlessly, inappropriately, and there is no real danger right now in this moment.D

>  >> I am looking for help in understanding how to overcome the feeling of shame. I know it stems from childhood compounded by not feeling I made the best decisions with my life. It is so bad that I have felt an S on my clothes at times , feeling that everyone esle can see it.

> In practicing mindfullness, all I can come up with is accepting where I am now, changing what I can about my condition in life and trying to reparent my self.> Perhaps, I am looking for that one AH Ha moment that gives me more power over it then ever before. I have been reading and practicing ACT principals. I have been doing the " work " and have a counselor.

> L>> -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...

[Guest guest]

This book might not be very ACT revelant at all but just read the case histories in the introduction. So it isn't just me, then.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1592403352/ref=rdr_ext_tmb#reader_1592403352

Kv

> > >> > >> > > I am looking for help in understanding how to overcome the feeling of> > shame. I know it stems from childhood compounded by not feeling I made the> > best decisions with my life. It is so bad that I have felt an S on my> > clothes at times , feeling that everyone esle can see it.> > > In practicing mindfullness, all I can come up with is accepting where I> > am now, changing what I can about my condition in life and trying to> > reparent my self.> > > Perhaps, I am looking for that one AH Ha moment that gives me more power> > over it then ever before. I have been reading and practicing ACT principals.> > I have been doing the "work" and have a counselor.> > > L> > >> > >> >> > --> > Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-T> > Rochester, NY, US> > http://darrellking.com> > DarrellGKing@...> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

>

> This book might not be very ACT revelant at all but

> just read the case histories in the introduction. So

> it isn't just me, then.

>

> I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the

> Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power

I have this book. And it's very ACT-relevant. The author,

Brené Brown, has done a lot of interesting work in the

area of shame and self-compassion.

This book is written for women but would be a good read for

many men. What really struck me while I was reading it was

how the women she interviewed found that by acknowledging

rather than avoiding their sense of vulnerability, they have

able to transform shame into a source of power & connection.

- Randy

[Guest guest]

hi, 's book .. Things might go terribly horribly wrong... has a

section on practicing compassion on yourself.

There's an exercise where you imagine yourself as a little girl sitting right

next to you experiencing the same thoughts and emotions and feelings and anxiety

that you are... and it asks you as THE Adult, what would you say to this little

girl, in a few words, in a sentence or two, what would you say to this little

girl to help her with her fear and anxiety?

This exercise is to practice mindfulness acceptance of yourself, who you are,

exactly as you are.

Tom

>

> I am looking for help in understanding how to overcome the feeling of shame. I

know it stems from childhood compounded by not feeling I made the best decisions

with my life. It is so bad that I have felt an S on my clothes at times ,

feeling that everyone esle can see it.

> In practicing mindfullness, all I can come up with is accepting where I am

now, changing what I can about my condition in life and trying to reparent my

self.

> Perhaps, I am looking for that one AH Ha moment that gives me more power over

it then ever before. I have been reading and practicing ACT principals. I have

been doing the " work " and have a counselor.

> L

>

[Guest guest]

I should have wrote, 'this book might not be very ACT revelevant, I wouldn't know as I have not read it yet'.

I came across the book by accident the other day but I did not buy it when I found out it was written for women. It looks good, though, and I'm glad that it is ACT revelant.

A Brene Brown lecture:

Kv

> > > > This book might not be very ACT revelant at all but > > just read the case histories in the introduction. So > > it isn't just me, then.> > > > I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the > > Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power> > I have this book. And it's very ACT-relevant. The author,> Brené Brown, has done a lot of interesting work in the> area of shame and self-compassion. > > This book is written for women but would be a good read for> many men. What really struck me while I was reading it was> how the women she interviewed found that by acknowledging > rather than avoiding their sense of vulnerability, they have > able to transform shame into a source of power & connection.> > - Randy>

[Guest guest]

He always says it so much better than I do....D>  >> I should have wrote, 'this book might not be very ACT revelevant, I wouldn't know as I have not read it yet'.

>> I came across the book by accident the other day but I did not buy it when I found out it was written for women. It looks good, though, and I'm glad that it is ACT revelant.>> A Brene Brown lecture:

>> TEDxHouston - Brené Brown <

Kv>> >> >>> > This book might not be very ACT revelant at all but

>> > just read the case histories in the introduction. So>> > it isn't just me, then.>> >>> > I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the>> > Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power

>>>> I have this book. And it's very ACT-relevant. The author,>> Brené Brown, has done a lot of interesting work in the>> area of shame and self-compassion.>>>> This book is written for women but would be a good read for

>> many men. What really struck me while I was reading it was>> how the women she interviewed found that by acknowledging>> rather than avoiding their sense of vulnerability, they have>> able to transform shame into a source of power & connection.

>>>> - Randy>>>> -- Darrell G King, RN, CASAC-TRochester, NY, UShttp://darrellking.comDarrellGKing@...

[Guest guest]

Hi ,,

The Compassionate Mind - Gilbert. Did it for me.

Simone

Subject: ShameTo: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Sunday, 11 September, 2011, 13:40

I am looking for help in understanding how to overcome the feeling of shame. I know it stems from childhood compounded by not feeling I made the best decisions with my life. It is so bad that I have felt an S on my clothes at times , feeling that everyone esle can see it. In practicing mindfullness, all I can come up with is accepting where I am now, changing what I can about my condition in life and trying to reparent my self. Perhaps, I am looking for that one AH Ha moment that gives me more power over it then ever before. I have been reading and practicing ACT principals. I have been doing the "work" and have a counselor.L

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the input. I read a lot of interesting point. Yes, I do feel

excluded from the social group. Maybe because I lived and went to school where

everyone had parents and I didnt. Another suggestion, I didnt pinpoint in doing

the work on why I feel this shame such as I feel excluded from the group. All

the referances you can be sure will be under close examination. I will let you

know any progress I make. Getting a handle on thsione will make a world of

differance in my life.

Thanks to all of you'

Lin

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> Subject: Shame

> To: ACT_for_the_Public

> Date: Sunday, 11 September, 2011, 13:40

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> I am looking for help in understanding how to overcome the feeling of shame. I

know it stems from childhood compounded by not feeling I made the best decisions

with my life. It is so bad that I have felt an S on my clothes at times ,

feeling that everyone esle can see it.

> In practicing mindfullness, all I can come up with is accepting where I am

now, changing what I can about my condition in life and trying to reparent my

self.

> Perhaps, I am looking for that one AH Ha moment that gives me more power over

it then ever before. I have been reading and practicing ACT principals. I have

been doing the " work " and have a counselor.

> L

>