- THOSE Thoughts (somewhat long)

[Guest guest]

,

I don't have these thoughts on a regular basis and they aren't something that I would follow through with. I think it is just as you discussed a desperation in wanting the pain to go away. I feel I could deal with the fibro pain if that is all I had to deal with, but the nerve pain from the back is a pain that is unlike any I've ever felt and many times I just wish I could make it go away because nothing seems to work on it. As far as depression, I do have that regularly because my life has been so severely altered over the course of the last three years. For all intents and purposes I am not able to do anything that "normals" do. Everything intensifies the pain. I am on a quest to find what works for me to get the pain under control to where I can at least do simple things like go to the grocery, cook, laundry. These are all things I took for granted prior to my accident. Now they seem like mountainous tasks that cannot be achieved and it does depress me.

I understand where you are coming from though. I guess we are all just at different stages of dealing with our illness and others are farther down the road in having a grip on it. It is good that you had these issues under control before the fibro came into play.

hugs,

Sundra

I think I have to disagree on this one. For one simple reason. My suicidal thoughts came LONG before I became sick. And by the time I became sick I had already dealt fully with them. So now I no longer have them. It isn't that I don't want the pain to stop or that I can handle it. It is simply that I learned along time ago how to deal with those thoughts and I no longer allow them to even enter my thoughts anymore. They are just too destructive.

The only situations in which t think of the subject of suicide is when I am discussing the subject (as we are now), when I am discussing problems I had in the past, or when someone recently committed suicide.

NOW, this does NOT mean that there aren't times when I am in so much pain that I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Those thoughts do still occasionally enter my head. But I do not consider those thoughts ones of suicide. Merely thoughts of stopping the pain.

As for depression, on the rare occasions that I do get depressed (REALLY depressed and not just saying I am) and wonder how I am going to make it through or why I keep going, I merely look at my son (or a pic of him) or even just think of him and it cheers me up. So again, depression is something that while I dealt with it along time ago, rarely intrudes upon my state of mind anymore.

But that is just me, and as we all know, I am weird..... LOL

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