RE: AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Rant rant rant

[Guest guest]

> What the heck can I SAY?

>

> Please help. I'm finding myself more and more angry with her every

time something like this happens.

>

> Jacquie

As a boss who's also 'friends' with co workers, it is tough. But

there are times you just have to bite the bullet and tell it like it

is. If you don't put out limits, they will be pushed, as you've seen.

You need to push the line back.

Basically, in a nice way - but firm and unwavering, let her know,

that when she's scheduled to come, you expect her there. Period.

Yes, things come up etc.. and you can suggest a notice that is agreed

upon. The day before, two days before, etc. Perhaps putting in a

little reminder about shifting 's schedule around, after telling

him she's to be there isn't good for him. etc...

Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

Kerri

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I'm sure you have heard " when one door closes, another

opens " or however you know it. This girl has slammed

the door in your face. Are you going to open that one,

chasing after her, or try door # 2?

Just a thought.

Barb

[Guest guest]

If she isn't your employee then who is her " boss " I would find someone else

and then tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.

Everyone that deals with makes up their time. If not they stay extra

for her next session.

[Guest guest]

> What the heck can I SAY?

>

> Please help. I'm finding myself more and more angry with her every time

something like this happens.

>

Jacquie - -

It's pretty obvious she's lost interest.

In , in you, or in everything other than loverboy, who knows?

How much of a task is it to replace her with someone else? Do YOU need to

find someone else, or does the gov do that for you?

how about that new respite worker? Any way you could train her to do Kara's

job <which really doesn't sound all that difficult at this point?>

Grace

[Guest guest]

> Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

> Kerri

Thanks, Kerri.

AFter reading your reply I gathered my guts and called. I said, " I got your

message, " to which she yawned and said, " Ohhh. Good, " sounding very tired.

THEN I said, " So would you like to make up the hours on Wednesday, or would

Friday be better? "

hee hee hee!!!!!

She's coming tomorrow. (oh - and when it was time to hang up I said, " Now get

some sleep! " )

Thanks.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> How much of a task is it to replace her with someone else? Do YOU need to

> find someone else, or does the gov do that for you?

BIG task to replace her. It took us 6 months to FIND her in the first place!

> how about that new respite worker? Any way you could train her to do Kara's

> job <which really doesn't sound all that difficult at this point?>

I suppose. I will definitely keep that open in my mind as an option.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

That was perfect!!!

Kerri

Re: Re: AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Rant rant rant

> Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

> Kerri

Thanks, Kerri.

AFter reading your reply I gathered my guts and called. I said, " I got your

message, " to which she yawned and said, " Ohhh. Good, " sounding very tired.

THEN I said, " So would you like to make up the hours on Wednesday, or would

Friday be better? "

hee hee hee!!!!!

She's coming tomorrow. (oh - and when it was time to hang up I said, " Now get

some sleep! " )

Thanks.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Jacquie, you need to have it out with her, but nicely. Make a list of all

Kara's strengths, then list your problems and concerns. Always start with the

positive first. Try to be calm and ask for her opinions. It could be that

she's burnt out and doesn't know how to tell you. I know, we're all burnt out

but we're the parents, she's not so she can always quit. (Jake's reading over

my shoulder, he just read " quit " ).

You got to do what's best for and you. You also need someone you can

depend upon.

Good luck,

Janae

, 9, ADD

Jake, 6, autism

[Guest guest]

I probably wouldn't have the guts to follow this advice, but I think you

need to discuss it with her. Sorry. I know Kara's been very helpful in the

past but not showing up is pretty horrible for someone in your situation,

well, Putter would always be happy for someone not to show up, but

might feel differently.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> That was perfect!!!

> Kerri

Thank you! Wow, it really helps to have a working mom around to consult on

these things! :-) I had NO IDEA how to go about that at all. I am not a boss.

I just don't have it in me. I'm *bossy*, but I'm not boss material. I waver

between way too lenient and mouse-y, and freaking out.

Thanks for your help. You really helped me strike a neutral yet firm tone. I

don't think you can realize how much I needed that bit of practical advice!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

What if you kept track of the hours she works, and the hours she misses, and

just make a point of saying, " OK, we need to schedule these make-up

hours...How about ___? " ? Maybe if she knows you're keeping track she'll

realize you won't let her take advantage of you?

Think about it... " Hmm, I'm going to get paid whether I show up or not... "

Just a thought.

Good luck!!! What a rotten thing to have to deal with.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

I'm glad I could help. And yes, 'neutral yet firm' is a good way.

It's not necessarily confrontational, yet, it gets the point across,

and hopefully avoids defensiveness. (now do you know why I usually

hate my job ? LOL )

Kerri

>

>

> > That was perfect!!!

> > Kerri

>

>

> Thank you! Wow, it really helps to have a working mom around to

consult on these things! :-) I had NO IDEA how to go about that at

all. I am not a boss. I just don't have it in me. I'm *bossy*, but

I'm not boss material. I waver between way too lenient and mouse-y,

and freaking out.

>

> Thanks for your help. You really helped me strike a neutral yet

firm tone. I don't think you can realize how much I needed that bit

of practical advice!

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

AFter reading your reply I gathered my guts and

called. I said, " I got your message, " to which she

yawned and said, " Ohhh. Good, " sounding very tired.

THEN I said, " So would you like to make up the hours

on Wednesday, or would Friday be better? " hee hee

hee!!!!! <<<<<

Good for you! No one likes to be the heavy, but you

ARE the boss and she needs to realize that.

Tuna

=====

" Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. "

Lily Tomlin

______________________________________________________________________

Web-hosting solutions for home and business! http://website.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

Jacquie -

You NEED to tell her that 's well being comes first, and it looks like

is not doing as well with her as he used to. You need to tell her that

requires sameness and 'not showing up' is detrimental to him.

I would be very frank and ask her " Is this something you still wish to do? " ,

if not, let her go. If she says " yes " , then you have to have a mutual

agreement. The excuses have to stop. You will need to treat her like an

employee, instead of a friend. If you don't, you are going to cause more

stress for yourself and ultimately , and then things will start going

backwards. Period.

In short. Give her the facts of life as they stand. If she can't live up to

her responsibilities, it's time to cut the " business relationship " cord.

Penny - who knows that sounds tough, but who's more important? You and

...or Kara?

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I'm with Salli on this one. You need to talk to her about it. If you think

she's worth keeping on, this is the only way to resolve it. If it doesn't

fix it, she doesn't care anymore. Sorry.

Sue

Re: AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Rant rant rant

> I probably wouldn't have the guts to follow this advice, but I think you

> need to discuss it with her. Sorry. I know Kara's been very helpful in

the

> past but not showing up is pretty horrible for someone in your situation,

> well, Putter would always be happy for someone not to show up, but

> might feel differently.

>

> Salli

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

>

> Thanks, Kerri.

>

> AFter reading your reply I gathered my guts and called. I said, " I got

your message, " to which she yawned and said, " Ohhh. Good, " sounding very

tired. THEN I said, " So would you like to make up the hours on Wednesday,

or would Friday be better? "

>

> hee hee hee!!!!!

>

> She's coming tomorrow. (oh - and when it was time to hang up I said, " Now

get some sleep! " )

>

> Thanks.

>

> Jacquie

>

Way to go Jacquie! How sly you are!

Sue

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[Guest guest]

Jacquie, Just 2 weeks ago I had to talk to 's worker about the same thing. I

just told her that I really rely on her to be here on time. This is like a job

and you would never call your boss up and say you can't come. She called me and

told me that she had to pick up a friend from the GO Train. And could not work

with . I also told her that if she does not give me at least a 24 hour

noticed I would have to let her go.

You know what she did? She went and bought herself a agenda so that she could

start keeping track of everything and has never been late since or never been a

no show.

I hope you can work this out with Kara.

Lori

[Guest guest]

That is the best way to deal with it Jacquie. I am glad you did it.

Lori

Re: Re: AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Rant rant rant

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

AFter reading your reply I gathered my guts and

called. I said, " I got your message, " to which she

yawned and said, " Ohhh. Good, " sounding very tired.

THEN I said, " So would you like to make up the hours

on Wednesday, or would Friday be better? " hee hee

hee!!!!! <<<<<

Good for you! No one likes to be the heavy, but you

ARE the boss and she needs to realize that.

Tuna

=====

" Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. "

Lily Tomlin

______________________________________________________________________

Web-hosting solutions for home and business! http://website.yahoo.ca

[Guest guest]

>>AND - get this - when I told her about hiring the respite worker for 3

hours a week, SHE GOT UPSET!!! But as Marc said to me later, " What, like

SHE'S got extra hours to spare? She doesn't even work the ones she's

scheduled for, let alone adding more! "

Please help. I'm finding myself more and more angry with her every time

something like this happens.

Jacquie<<

I hate confrontational situations like that. I was in that situation with

my sister about six months ago. She was doing respite for me and getting

paid through an agency. She was horrible; she was so oblivious to things.

She would leave my house with an even bigger mess than it started out with.

She was unreliable. She wanted it to be scheduled around here life, not

what I needed. She was just doing a terrible job. I would come home and

things would be eaten, like half a stick of fat chalk or there would be

crayon all over the walls. Hello, you are only watching them for four hours

and you are in one room do you not see what they are doing? The straw that

broke the camels back was when I came home and found Mark holding a rubber

ball and it was half eaten. I asked her where the ball came from and she

didn't know. It turns out that they had gone in the backyard and it came

from one of the kids next door. I tried to get out of it gracefully and

told her that she didn't have to do respite anymore because I know how busy

she is and how hard the kids are, blah, blah. Then she said she really

needed the money and I didn't say anything else but I am sure my face told

the story because when she got home she called me and asked if I was unhappy

with her. I finally spoke my mind and said yes I was unhappy and that she

wasn't watching them well enough. I didn't even get into the mess part. So

she turns around and says to me that something is wrong with my kids and

they just don't listen and that Mark can't help himself with his repetitive

behavior (this was all pre-diagnosis). I said no kidding, I know how my

kids are but you are paid to keep them safe and I don't feel they are safe

with you. To make a long story short she promised to do a better job and it

wound up that she only did it a few more times and then I put them in school

and respite was cancelled. Gee, did I make any point here? No. LOL

Can you tell Kara that you want to keep it consistent for so you are

going to use the respite worker the entire time because you realize that she

can't spare any extra time and do those hours too. She will probably say,

" Oh, I can do the extra hours " . Then say, " Well, you really haven't been

able to even fulfill the time you are supposed to be here I can't really see

giving you more hours " . Then thank her for everything and just say it is

time to move on. Or you could blame it on that he is just not getting

along with her anymore and that you can't really explain why but that you

are sure it is not her. " Sorry, he just gets that way. " Wimpy way out huh?

That is probably what I would do though. As I said, I hate confrontation or

hurting people's feelings, unless of course I am extremely pissed off and I

have been pushed to the limit.

Cori

[Guest guest]

Jacquie, I had a similar situation this summer with

one of our therapist. Awsome, awsome girl. I loved

her , Ebony loved her. When she came to her shifts

she was awsome!! But...every week she would miss a

shift. It got really old. Luckily, I don't directly

supervise her. She reports to a Senior therapist, who

reports to a supervisor, etc. She eventually moved

and we miss her a lot, but I don't miss the missed

shifts.

I hope you can talk to her and make her realize that

this is a job and it is an important job.

Tamara

--- The Hunny Family wrote:

>

> I'm so P*SSED!

>

> Okay. We've had Kara, our Special Services at Home

> worker, for a year and a half. She is paid out of a

> government grant that we receive, and we're mandated

> to pay her $10 an hour -- so it works out to 4 hours

> a week.

>

> For the first year, all was great. We kept great

> financial logs, banked hours, and even had her

> working overtime some weeks. was making leaps

> and bounds.

>

> This year, we switched to a joint account system

> where she turns her paysheets in to the government

> and they deposit her pay into an account that she

> and I monitor. She's had more freedom with her pay,

> and has charged for hours she missed some weeks,

> claiming that she'll make them up later. This

> didn't really bother me, because I trusted her.

>

> But NOW...now her boyfriend has moved in with her,

> and she is using any old damn excuse not to come!

> Today the message she's left on my machine ONE HOUR

> before she's supposed to work is, " I'm really tired.

> I didn't sleep too well, so I'm just going to stay

> home and rest. I'll see you next week. "

> WWWWHHHHAAAAATTTT?????? Like I'M not tired??? I

> was up with about 14 times last night, and i

> have some weird rash spreading across my face!

>

> This isn't the first time she's used such a lame

> excuse to get of it. Excuses that she would nOT be

> able to use at her full-time job.

>

> It's not even like she's been doing much in-depth

> work with him lately, either! She's mostly just

> taking him on walks, or to the mall, or some such

> " social " activity.

>

> But I'm in a bind. We have a very casual, even

> close relationship, more like co-workers than I'm

> the boss and Kara is my employee. So I have no idea

> what to say.

>

> AND - get this - when I told her about hiring the

> respite worker for 3 hours a week, SHE GOT UPSET!!!

> But as Marc said to me later, " What, like SHE'S got

> extra hours to spare? She doesn't even work the

> ones she's scheduled for, let alone adding more! "

>

> Not to mention the fact that used to ADORE her,

> and now more often than not he freaks out when she

> comes. It's like he KNOWS that she's apathetic now.

>

> So what do I do? I am getting totally taken

> advantage of, and I don't know how to put a stop to

> it. I don't like being the tough guy , and I don't

> like alienating people, and I don't like challenging

> them.

>

> What the heck can I SAY?

>

> Please help. I'm finding myself more and more angry

> with her every time something like this happens.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> I also told her that if she does not give me at least a 24 hour noticed I

would have to let her go.

> You know what she did? She went and bought herself a agenda so that she could

start keeping track of everything and has never been late since or never been a

no show.

>

Good for you! I'm just not that tough. :-(

I'm a pushover.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> she turns around and says to me that something is wrong with my kids and

> they just don't listen and that Mark can't help himself with his repetitive

> behavior (this was all pre-diagnosis). I said no kidding, I know how my

> kids are but you are paid to keep them safe and I don't feel they are safe

> with you.

<mouth hanging open>

Whoa. Some support SHE was!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Good for you! I'm just not that tough. :-(

>

> I'm a pushover.

>

> Jacquie

See?

That's just bizarre. I'd never have you pegged for a pushover. It might be

different if I see you in person, but over the net - - no way.

I have you pegged in my mind as a small, fierce, gutsy killing machine LOL!!

Grace

[Guest guest]

Jacquie, you are not a pushover, You just are tried and not feeling well enough

to bother fighting with her which is what I am suppose to start doing according

to the schools and councilors. I am to stop fighting with people and learn to

deal with all the problems. Just let them slide though my fingers. Yeah right me

not fight for something. LOL.

Lori

Re: AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Rant rant rant

> I also told her that if she does not give me at least a 24 hour noticed I

would have to let her go.

> You know what she did? She went and bought herself a agenda so that she

could start keeping track of everything and has never been late since or never

been a no show.

>

Good for you! I'm just not that tough. :-(

I'm a pushover.

Jacquie