Re: Nada recipies

[Guest guest]

.....

Severely overcooked pasta (she would just turn off the burner when the

timer went off -- she didn't bother to DRAIN the pasta, so it just sat

in the boiling water and continued cooking. I think she thought she

was keeping it warm...) The pasta just disintigrated on the plate....

Remember Hidden Valley Ranch dressing? When it first came out, she

bought it and instead of using mayonnaise, she used Miracle Whip.

Made it chalky-tasting -- awful. My brother and I both spit it out,

but classic nada never would admit that she'd made a mistake, so she

would say, very dramatically, " MMMMM!! I liiiike it! "

Cole Slaw dripping in dressing.....

[Guest guest]

Tina,this is so funny--what a great idea for a thread " Lumpy Tang " --

Oh,wow,yes: according to nada,that is how the astronauts drank

Tang,clumpy and lumpy,because in outer space that's what Tang does,no

matter how much you stir it...and don't you dare remind nada that we

happen to be down here on Earth,you just shut up and drink that glass

of Tang like an astronaut or she'll never make one for you again!

Here are some recipes from Nada's Kitchen:

" Cardboard Chicken in a Char-broiled BBQ Sauce "

This is a handy recipe to have on hand for those days when you're in a

blind rage.

Method: Fire up the broiler in your oven.You don't need a baking dish

you'll just have to scrub out later for this recipe.A raggedly ripped

length of tin foil placed on a baking sheet will do.

Slap chicken breasts onto tin foil,shake bottle of BBQ sauce of your

choice over them until smothered (note: the BBQ sauce might pour out

unevenly,which is very enraging--just bang the bottle onto or against

the counter,throw it back into fridge or throw it into trash can.Be

creative! You could even throw it in the direction of anyone who

ventures into kitchen to find out why you're screaming)

Place chicken into oven.To ensure proper heat dispersal,violently slam

the door shut.

Chicken breasts take AT LEAST an hour to cook in Nada's

Kitchen,especially when they're under the broiler.Go on and make the

most of that hour or so: rage at hubby that this is the last meal

you're ever going to make for him; scream at the kids that you don't

know why you even bother to cook for them because they never eat what

you make.Remember,in order to have just the right ambience for this

kind of meal,everyone else should be sufficiently cowed by the time

they go to the table to eat.

The chicken should be very dry,with the ends curling up and beginning

to flake off.This flaking effect takes some practice to achieve,but

careful cooks will soon discover the necessary cooking time and adjust

it accordingly.( Helpful tip: the chicken should be completely stuck to

the tin foil,or you haven't cooked it long enough!)The BBQ sauce should

have dehydrated to a thin,blackened coating and,preferably,should be

smoking as the chicken is removed from the oven.

" Curly Dogs "

We've included this recipe because it scores a whopping " 10 " on the

Drama-Meter.An all around great,any day recipe from Nada's Kitchen.

Method: Bang a frying pan onto a burner set to HIGH.Drop a generous

dollop of butter into frying pan.The butter should melt and pop and

begin to turn brown immediately.Place hot dogs into frying pan while

jumping back.Many nadas who have tried this recipe believe that

simultaneously cursing every single thing in the entire universe

enhances the culinary experience.We've also heard of intrepid chefs who

make a huge deal out of any splatter burns they may have received- so

don't forget to rush to sink to hold hand or arm under cold running

water.

While you are doing this,the hot dogs in the pan should have curled up

at the ends.The middles of the hot dogs should have acquired a

burnt,crinkled skin.Now you're ready to duck and rush over to turn the

heat to OFF.

Serve hot dogs in a bun.The curled up ends should prevent the hot dogs

from being easily eaten--they should be tipping or slipping out of the

bun.When your family insists that it's ok,they will eat their hot dogs

as they are, you may get upset or angry or shed some tears.You might

declare that it just isn't good enough or that you know they're just

all full of sh*t and that you're going to have to make another hot dog

for each of them.As any nada who has prepared this dish will tell you,

they will insist again that it's ok.It's now time to snatch their

plates from them and turn the burner right back to HIGH.Become

extremely upset when your family repeats such things as, " But don't

worry,we'll just eat the ones you already made,they're fine... " Give

them all a good piece of your mind for as long as it takes for the

frying pan to begin to smoke so much that either the kitchen smoke

alarm goes off or the kitchen itself simply becomes fogged over: the

Drama Meter most deliciously hits that " 10 " .

Now they've really done it,when all you wanted to do was make

dinner.The experienced cook from Nada's Kitchen will use this moment to

storm off in a flurry of tears and/or invective.

Note: " Curly Dogs " are meant to be eaten cold.

>

> Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

>

> Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is mystery)

> semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

friend

> onions.

> Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and creamed

> corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

>

[Guest guest]

Man, I can't complain really here...my NADA was an awesome cook.

(she still is, I just don't see her anymore). I begged her for

years, ever since I was a little kid to show me how to make pasta

sauce and meatballs using the old family recipe. everytime i asked

her, she would just say " yeah..we will do that next time... " always

some lame excuse. it never happened, and because ive been kicked out

the family i will never know.

~Sara Jo

>

> Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

>

> Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is

mystery)

> semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

friend

> onions.

> Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and

creamed

> corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

>

[Guest guest]

---

THis is hilarious. Thank you for making me laugh out loud this

morning. If anything positive could come out of being raised by a

Nada, it has to be a sense of humor. Please write more of these.

It also helps keep it all in perspective.

Joanna

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " christine.depizan "

wrote:

>

> Tina,this is so funny--what a great idea for a thread " Lumpy

Tang " --

> Oh,wow,yes: according to nada,that is how the astronauts drank

> Tang,clumpy and lumpy,because in outer space that's what Tang

does,no

> matter how much you stir it...and don't you dare remind nada that

we

> happen to be down here on Earth,you just shut up and drink that

glass

> of Tang like an astronaut or she'll never make one for you again!

>

> Here are some recipes from Nada's Kitchen:

>

> " Cardboard Chicken in a Char-broiled BBQ Sauce "

>

> This is a handy recipe to have on hand for those days when you're

in a

> blind rage.

>

> Method: Fire up the broiler in your oven.You don't need a baking

dish

> you'll just have to scrub out later for this recipe.A raggedly

ripped

> length of tin foil placed on a baking sheet will do.

>

> Slap chicken breasts onto tin foil,shake bottle of BBQ sauce of

your

> choice over them until smothered (note: the BBQ sauce might pour

out

> unevenly,which is very enraging--just bang the bottle onto or

against

> the counter,throw it back into fridge or throw it into trash

can.Be

> creative! You could even throw it in the direction of anyone who

> ventures into kitchen to find out why you're screaming)

>

> Place chicken into oven.To ensure proper heat dispersal,violently

slam

> the door shut.

>

> Chicken breasts take AT LEAST an hour to cook in Nada's

> Kitchen,especially when they're under the broiler.Go on and make

the

> most of that hour or so: rage at hubby that this is the last meal

> you're ever going to make for him; scream at the kids that you

don't

> know why you even bother to cook for them because they never eat

what

> you make.Remember,in order to have just the right ambience for

this

> kind of meal,everyone else should be sufficiently cowed by the

time

> they go to the table to eat.

>

> The chicken should be very dry,with the ends curling up and

beginning

> to flake off.This flaking effect takes some practice to

achieve,but

> careful cooks will soon discover the necessary cooking time and

adjust

> it accordingly.( Helpful tip: the chicken should be completely

stuck to

> the tin foil,or you haven't cooked it long enough!)The BBQ sauce

should

> have dehydrated to a thin,blackened coating and,preferably,should

be

> smoking as the chicken is removed from the oven.

>

> " Curly Dogs "

>

> We've included this recipe because it scores a whopping " 10 " on

the

> Drama-Meter.An all around great,any day recipe from Nada's Kitchen.

>

> Method: Bang a frying pan onto a burner set to HIGH.Drop a

generous

> dollop of butter into frying pan.The butter should melt and pop

and

> begin to turn brown immediately.Place hot dogs into frying pan

while

> jumping back.Many nadas who have tried this recipe believe that

> simultaneously cursing every single thing in the entire universe

> enhances the culinary experience.We've also heard of intrepid

chefs who

> make a huge deal out of any splatter burns they may have received-

so

> don't forget to rush to sink to hold hand or arm under cold

running

> water.

>

> While you are doing this,the hot dogs in the pan should have

curled up

> at the ends.The middles of the hot dogs should have acquired a

> burnt,crinkled skin.Now you're ready to duck and rush over to turn

the

> heat to OFF.

>

> Serve hot dogs in a bun.The curled up ends should prevent the hot

dogs

> from being easily eaten--they should be tipping or slipping out of

the

> bun.When your family insists that it's ok,they will eat their hot

dogs

> as they are, you may get upset or angry or shed some tears.You

might

> declare that it just isn't good enough or that you know they're

just

> all full of sh*t and that you're going to have to make another hot

dog

> for each of them.As any nada who has prepared this dish will tell

you,

> they will insist again that it's ok.It's now time to snatch their

> plates from them and turn the burner right back to HIGH.Become

> extremely upset when your family repeats such things as, " But don't

> worry,we'll just eat the ones you already made,they're fine... "

Give

> them all a good piece of your mind for as long as it takes for the

> frying pan to begin to smoke so much that either the kitchen smoke

> alarm goes off or the kitchen itself simply becomes fogged over:

the

> Drama Meter most deliciously hits that " 10 " .

>

> Now they've really done it,when all you wanted to do was make

> dinner.The experienced cook from Nada's Kitchen will use this

moment to

> storm off in a flurry of tears and/or invective.

>

> Note: " Curly Dogs " are meant to be eaten cold.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

> >

> > Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> > Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> > Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is

mystery)

> > semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

> friend

> > onions.

> > Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and

creamed

> > corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am laughing so hard I'm crying! Too funny!

> >

> > Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

> >

> > Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> > Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> > Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is

mystery)

> > semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

> friend

> > onions.

> > Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and

creamed

> > corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

-

this is awesome. I do hope you are a professional writer, and that you

share this kind of stuff with the public more. too funny.

Letty

> >

> > Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

> >

> > Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> > Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> > Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is mystery)

> > semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

> friend

> > onions.

> > Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and creamed

> > corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

omigod my nada did the EXACT same thing with hidden valley ranch

dressing when it first came pout in the packets. and she put miracle

whip on EVERYTHING. blech.

>

> ....

>

> Severely overcooked pasta (she would just turn off the burner when

the

> timer went off -- she didn't bother to DRAIN the pasta, so it just

sat

> in the boiling water and continued cooking. I think she thought

she

> was keeping it warm...) The pasta just disintigrated on the

plate....

>

> Remember Hidden Valley Ranch dressing? When it first came out, she

> bought it and instead of using mayonnaise, she used Miracle Whip.

> Made it chalky-tasting -- awful. My brother and I both spit it

out,

> but classic nada never would admit that she'd made a mistake, so

she

> would say, very dramatically, " MMMMM!! I liiiike it! "

>

> Cole Slaw dripping in dressing.....

>

[Guest guest]

rotflmao

this is great! --- ah yes i remeber the bbq chicken wasn't done

until sauce became sticky and black resembling that carmalized stuff

at bottom of coffe pot when you leave it on with a tablespoon of

coffee in it all day long.

Thanks for the sentimental recipies just like nada made them.

Tina

> >

> > Here are some other dishes nadas are famous for:

> >

> > Burnt bacon. Runny omelets. Lumpy tang.

> > Burnt popcorn dripping with yellow margarine.

> > Lumpy minute brand rice (how you make minute rice lumpy is

mystery)

> > semi-raw liver burnt to a crisp outside. Served with very greasy

> friend

> > onions.

> > Macaroni and cheese served with instant mashed potatoes and

creamed

> > corn smothered in black pepper. Stale Bread for desert.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is too bad -- she squandered all those opportunities to spend

time with you in the kitchen. As a mom, I know it's just easier if

everyone will leave you alone and just let you cook -- but to see my

daughter jump up and want to help me, I realized that there are things

more important than being " left alone " --

Sorry your mother chose the other route -- mine did, too. She wasn't

much of a cook, but we know that's not really the important thing.

The good news is -- indeed the silver lining! -- is that you can

rewrite those memories with your own children -- (or a niece or nephew

or friend's child, etc.) -- someday. You get another chance to relive

those moments and turn them into something positive now that you're in

charge of your own life. That's exactly what I did, and having my

daughter in the kitchen is a joy.

{hugs}

Kyla