Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 Hi Grace, Yes, I have problems with being insecure as well, although I think that I am getting better with it (they were exacerbated by graduate school, where my behavior actually was being monitored much of the time. It was a strange place). I remember that one of my ex-BFs noticed that I always needed to get approval for what I was doing. While I feel like I'm getting better in friendships with this issue -- you can either accept me or not -- certainly I still have a lot of hang-ups when I am in a relationship. My last one, I was okay for the first month or so, then started getting worried that almost everything I did would be judged and found wanting. Something tells me I still need to work on this. Also, I have a bad relationship with body issues. I don't do anything extreme, just spend a lot of time judging myself and not being pleased with the results. is --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 is, Wow, some of your thoughts sound like my own! Thanks for relating to what I posted. My husband also points out how I need approval from everyone, and I have always had body image issues. Recently though, I think I've gotten a bit better (only on the body image, though!). I had my second baby four and a half months ago. During the pregnancy, I gained 45 lbs, which really rocked my self image (I gained half that amount with my first child). It was good for me, though. Since then, I'm loosing the weight and it's helping me to realize that I was pretty small when I got pregnant, though I felt " fat " a lot of the time. I see now how silly I was, because I have better perspective. Along those same lines, I used to be so hard on myself, saying my house was never clean enough. I grew up w/ nada always talking about how dirty our house was, insisting we keep it clean, criticizing my cleaning abilities when I did chores... and now it affects how I see my own home. When I was pregnant I was very sick, and I let the house go. During that time, I realized how clean it really had been when I was keeping up with it. It had to get REALLY messy, for real, for me to realize what a great job I had been doing. Perspective is great. I am always afraid people will judge me. Nada judged everyone. Now I am afraid that people will judge me like she judges people, because it was so ingrained in me that her outlook was " normal, " as if everyone kept score like she did. Well, I can really relate to what you posted. I hope my response helps at all... yours helped me. :-) Thanks, is! Grace > > Hi Grace, > > Yes, I have problems with being insecure as well, although I think that I am getting better with it (they were exacerbated by graduate school, where my behavior actually was being monitored much of the time. It was a strange place). I remember that one of my ex-BFs noticed that I always needed to get approval for what I was doing. While I feel like I'm getting better in friendships with this issue -- you can either accept me or not -- certainly I still have a lot of hang-ups when I am in a relationship. My last one, I was okay for the first month or so, then started getting worried that almost everything I did would be judged and found wanting. Something tells me I still need to work on this. > > Also, I have a bad relationship with body issues. I don't do anything extreme, just spend a lot of time judging myself and not being pleased with the results. > > is > > > --------------------------------- > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 That is amazing... it's crazy how similar our issues are, especially in this house cleaning area. Just today I was thinking to myself how I have GOT to stop looking at my house as if it were a mess when really it is clean. My nada didn't really give us chores, either. We did dinner dishes, and sometimes we would take turns cleaning the bathroom, but we didn't really do much. Made her a martyr, I guess. And yes, I also felt like I had to learn on my own how to be organized. Interesting. Sorry she picks on you for that stuff, and gave your kids a toilet seat. I'm NC with her right now, but I could see her doing the exact same thing. > > I could have written this! Thank you for writing it! > " I am always afraid people will judge me. Nada judged everyone. Now I > am afraid that people will judge me like she judges people, because it > was so ingrained in me that her outlook was " normal, " as if everyone > kept score like she did. " > > I also have a major hang-up with the cleanliness of my home, just like > several of you. I think it's a fear of judgement thing, too. Growing > up, my parents never gave us chores and I only remember cleaning the > house when company was coming. So I could never have my friends over > because the house was a mess, according to my mom. It was a good > escuse for the hermit in her. I don't remember it being overly messy, > but she thought it was. My mother was the only one who cleaned much of > anything on a regular basis, so we never learned how to be organized. > Gave her more the whine about, I guess. > > So now keeping my house clean is something I struggle with, especially > with 2 kids (2 and 4) and a full time job. Even when it looks pretty > good, I worry that it could be better and then start the self-blame > anout how it SHOULD be better. Heaven forbid if my mother comes to my > house - I might as well throw the trash in the middle of my living > room. She casually inspects the bathroom, a place she always manages > to keep clean ih her house, and the kids' rooms. She has thing about > trash and having it taken out at all times. Never by her, of course. > If she perceives the smell of a wet pull-up in the bathroom trash, she > lays on a guilt trip about how the children shouldn't smell that. She > gave my children - along with a ton of toys and clothes - A TOILET SEAT > for Christmas. I am not joking. She didn't like how the snap-on > training seat scratched some paint from our toilet seat, so they > wrapped one up as a " joke " present at the end. My daughter, 4, > said, " What's this potty seat all about? " From the mouths of babes. > I, of course, felt I had to announce to my grandparents who were > witnessing this that it was their trainer seat that scratched paint > from the seat and we were going to get a new one when our 2 year old > was potty trained completely. I hate being made to feel like I am an > inferior parent or housekeeper when I am doing my best and everyone is > cared for, safe and loved! Grrr! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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