Re: self-esteem

[Guest guest]

I posted the insecurity question, so I'm very interested in this line!

Thanks for posting about this, and putting it in a positive light.

Though I really, really struggle with it, I feel like I am making

progress. I'm still super insecure, but not AS BAD as I was.

Here is what I find helps:

1. Perspective helps. If I am looking at my house saying, " It's so

messy... I am no good at keeping this house clean! " I stop and I think

back to when I've really let it go, and I try to remind myself that

it's a REAL home, not a magazine photo shoot. Once I think of it that

way, and recall times when it has really been messy, I can start to

see that it's actually not that bad and I am in fact doing a good job.

2. Sometimes I list things I like about myself, and I make myself come

up with ten things. Like, " I'm funny, I take good care of my kids, I

am good at scrapbooking, etc. " (This is enlightening, because I often

put little caveats on things, having to qualify things, which makes me

realize that I am afraid of being cocky even if I'm just thinking to

myself! For instance, I'll say to myself, " Well, I'm pretty... " and

then I'll pause and think, " Ok, but not that pretty. " Or I'll think,

" I'm funny... I like that about myself, " and then I'll add, mentally,

" But I can be dumb sometimes about it.... " I shouldn't do that! Is it

odd that I can't even compliment myself without qualifying it?)

3.Another self esteem boost can come when I least expect it. Sometimes

if I'm watching TV, and I see a clip with a celebrity who is

irresponsible, or if I watch a reality show (like a snotty bride

planning her wedding and driving her fiance into debt) it will remind

me of how down to earth I am, which makes me feel good about myself.

4. For the moms out there, I build my self esteem by looking at my

kids. They are happy and healthy. They are GORGEOUS girls (sorry, but

they are knockouts!!!). I receive compliments on how well behaved my

toddler is, and everyone stares at my infant and says she is just so

sweet and happy (after the colic ended...). I figure hey, I must be

doing something right in order to have created/be raising such amazing

little people.

Those are just some thoughts. Thanks for posting... hope this wasn't

too long!!!

Grace

>

> i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my question is a

> little different. what do all of you do to help build your self-esteem?

> what has worked for you to make you feel better about yourself?

>

[Guest guest]

,

Wow, thank you! What an encouragement!

I have struggled spiritually for a few years. First, my brother died

of cancer, and shortly after I realized that my mom was BPD and I

became the black sheep of the family when I stopped letter her control

me. Also, she is SUPER SPIRITUAL, spends almost the whole day studying

the Bible and reading books, and her intensity left a bad taste in my

mouth. I felt smothered by it all.

But, I still know that I am a Christian, and my relationship with God

is independent of her and is stronger than rough circumstances.

Thanks for those verses... you are right - having God at the center

and seeing yourself as loved unconditionally really does help. Nada

told me love is conditional. As a believer, I know that God's love for

me is NOT conditional - it is eternal and forever.

Thanks!

Grace

>

>

> This is something I have been working on. I found it started with

learning the truth about who I am. I am a unique person created in the

image of God. He designed me just as I am and said it is good. Psalm

139:13-16 " Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me

in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body

and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a

creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from

nothing into something.Like an open book, you watched me grow from

conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before

you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Another verse from the Bible that has helped me with this is

" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has

gone, the new has come! (2 Cor 5:17-18) " I just try to take my

thoughts captive and when I start saying or thinking, " I'm a failure,

I'll never get it right, or I'm stupid " I know this is a sign of

stress and I need to examine my life to see what I a need and what I

am overdoing. Hope this helps but it is a process that I face daily.

At times it seems to get better at other times (under stress, a move,

a difficult situation) it seems to get worse if I don't hold my

thoughts captive and check myself often. The biggest thing that helped

me understand self-esteem and self-worth was when I intergrated within

my heart, mind, and spirit that GOd loves me despite everything I have

and will do. His love for me is unconditional. I didn't receive

unconditional love from my parents so my self-esteem fluctuated as

their love for me was given and withdrawn. When I set God as my focal

point instead of my parents or whoever else I have noticed my

self-esteem, body image, and belief in myself has not fluctuated.

>

> Kelley

>

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: c_mh13@...: Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:24:23

+0000Subject: self-esteem

>

>

>

>

> i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my question is a

little different. what do all of you do to help build your

self-esteem? what has worked for you to make you feel better about

yourself?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> i'm is proud to present Cause Effect, a series about real people

making a difference.

> http://im.live.com/Messenger/IM/MTV/?source=text_Cause_Effect

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for that suggestion... that is a great one! I feel like I

have those negative tapes playing in my head all the time.

Sometimes when I'm talking to my two year old, I really focus on

building her self image and self esteem, saying she is creative,

sweet, beautiful, etc. Maybe I should nurture myself and compliment my

own self, and let my inner mom come out for my own self. Hmm. Thanks

for the idea!

Grace

> >

> > i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my question is a

> > little different. what do all of you do to help build your

self-esteem?

> > what has worked for you to make you feel better about yourself?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is so messed up... how she said you were a beautiful baby but

didn't want it to go to your head??? Kids need to hear that they are

beautiful! I would RATHER have my two year old be full of herself and

need to bring her back down to earth, rather than have her become self

conscience or feel insecure.

>

> This thread is reminding me of a weird discovery I

> made when I was home during the holidays (my dad's, no

> BPD mother involved). I was cleaning out a closet and

> found three letters that she wrote soon after I was

> born. There was one from 5 months later and she said

> some things that were just so BPD that it was almost a

> parody. My favorites included:

>

> 1) You've gotten so grown-up and independent (I was 5

> months!)

>

> 2) People keep telling me what a beautiful baby you

> are. However, I don't want you to let this go to your

> head.

>

> And you wonder why I have self-esteem issues!

>

> is

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Be a better friend, newshound, and

> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

>