Re: I made a statement and now there's gonna be #%# to pay!

[Guest guest]

I have one more line for my pie skit:

" Since when have you been allergic to coconut, " says lynnette.

>

> I work in higher ed.... I've cashed in favors for her for years

> to 'get her somewhere'... she's burned those bridges repeatedly.

> Thank God my people trust ME and like ME and don't hold ME

> responsible... the #1 thing my therapist told me to do is STOP

> TRYING TO HELP HER... so I have.

>

> I could sense a set up coming on but I'm trying to just say what I

> feel and mean about stuff like this... no more playing mute out of

> fear.

>

> Lynnette

>

>

> >

> > Line them up. Knock them down. Good for you for trying and good

> for her for at least making it two thirds of the way through the

> trip with out unhinging. The road to heck is paved with good

> intentions. As for what she said, yes she can help it and yes you do

> get to say it. She brought it up and you were offering support and

> your opinion. Amazing.

> > Be strong

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I made a statement and now there's

> gonna be #%# to pay!

> >

> >

> > I got brave today and invited mom to come with me while I took

> some

> > pants back and picked up a book I need for school. 2-3 hours TOPS.

> >

> > Everything is a tad uncomfortable but she's really trying to 'be

> > good' most of the trip. I can appreciate that.

> >

> > But on the way home she starts telling me about how her 'latest

> > school plan' is going to be THE ONE and 'maybe' she'll " make

> > something of herself " (she's 60). I said, (dumbdumbdumb) " I think

> > that sounds like you really want this to work. I hope you are able

> > to make this work for you " . (Can you hear the therapist mirroring

> > going on here? lol). Then she says, " well what's your worry? I'll

> > get a job with this despite budget cuts and centers closing " (oh

> > god)... I said, " well, what I'm really hoping is that you want

> this

> > badly enough to see it through and not quit " .

> >

> > CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRA P!!!!!!!! !!!

> >

> > She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

> > therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second half

> of

> > 8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)... and

> > on and on and on and on she went....

> >

> > Why do I even bother to engage?

> >

> > I need MY therapist...

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Well Lookie-there... You've met her!

> > >

> > > Line them up. Knock them down. Good for you for trying and good

> > for her for at least making it two thirds of the way through the

> > trip with out unhinging. The road to heck is paved with good

> > intentions. As for what she said, yes she can help it and yes

you do

> > get to say it. She brought it up and you were offering support

and

> > your opinion. Amazing.

> > > Be strong

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I made a statement and now there's

> > gonna be #%# to pay!

> > >

> > >

> > > I got brave today and invited mom to come with me while I took

> > some

> > > pants back and picked up a book I need for school. 2-3 hours

TOPS.

> > >

> > > Everything is a tad uncomfortable but she's really trying

to 'be

> > > good' most of the trip. I can appreciate that.

> > >

> > > But on the way home she starts telling me about how her 'latest

> > > school plan' is going to be THE ONE and 'maybe' she'll " make

> > > something of herself " (she's 60). I said, (dumbdumbdumb) " I

think

> > > that sounds like you really want this to work. I hope you are

able

> > > to make this work for you " . (Can you hear the therapist

mirroring

> > > going on here? lol). Then she says, " well what's your worry?

I'll

> > > get a job with this despite budget cuts and centers closing "

(oh

> > > god)... I said, " well, what I'm really hoping is that you want

> > this

> > > badly enough to see it through and not quit " .

> > >

> > > CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRA P!!!!!!!! !!!

> > >

> > > She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

> > > therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second

half

> > of

> > > 8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)...

and

> > > on and on and on and on she went....

> > >

> > > Why do I even bother to engage?

> > >

> > > I need MY therapist...

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

This just made me laugh out loud!!! If your junior high issues are

impacting your career at age 60, you are surely f***ed!!!

" Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time & annoys the

pig. "

She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second half of

8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)... and

on and on and on and on she went....

[Guest guest]

I know some of this is sad but let me tell you reading about it stirs up

amusement more than pity. I can picture someone with a big bow in her hair,

wearing a dress two sizes too tight, with lipstick that doesn't match anything

in the known universe, ripping you a new one for trying to care. There are some

events that have no statute of limitations on them, I wonder what could have

happened 45 years ago in junior high that could lead her to make such poor

decisions now.

Pigs will sing before she gets it together.

Be strong

Re: I made a statement and now there's gonna be #%#

to pay!

This just made me laugh out loud!!! If your junior high issues are

impacting your career at age 60, you are surely f***ed!!!

" Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time & annoys the

pig. "

She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second half of

8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)... and

on and on and on and on she went....

__._,_..___

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find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

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[Guest guest]

I know...

What bothers me most is that no matter which avenue I take,

compassion, caring, facilitating, listening, ANYTHING... it's never

right. Never enough. I'm always bad, wrong, ungrateful with her...

You'd think that after a while, if I truly as such a B%@#%, she'd

stop asking for my input...

L~

>

> I know some of this is sad but let me tell you reading about it

stirs up amusement more than pity. I can picture someone with a big

bow in her hair, wearing a dress two sizes too tight, with lipstick

that doesn't match anything in the known universe, ripping you a new

one for trying to care. There are some events that have no statute

of limitations on them, I wonder what could have happened 45 years

ago in junior high that could lead her to make such poor decisions

now.

> Pigs will sing before she gets it together.

> Be strong

>

>

>

> Re: I made a statement and now

there's gonna be #%# to pay!

>

>

> This just made me laugh out loud!!! If your junior high issues are

> impacting your career at age 60, you are surely f***ed!!!

>

> " Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time & annoys

the

> pig. "

>

>

>

> She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

> therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second half of

> 8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)... and

> on and on and on and on she went....

>

> __._,_..___

> Messages in this topic (10) Reply (via web post) | Start a new

topic

> Messages

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

> Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)

> Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest |

Switch format to Traditional

> Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe

> Recent Activity

> *  22

> New MembersVisit Your Group

> Yahoo! Health

> Achy Joint?

> Common arthritis

> myths debunked.

> Meditation and

> Lovingkindness

> A Yahoo! Group

> to share and learn.

> Biz Resources

> Y! Small Business

> Articles, tools,

> forms, and more.

> .

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynnette,

Oh gosh I laughed for so long after reading this. I know exactly how

you feel. This is almost verbatim a conversation I had with my Mother

years ago. And yes I too decided hey if you can't tell the truth then

whats the point it's empty. I have a favorite quote taped inside my

desk drawer.. " If your damned if you do and damned if you don't....

then always DO!!

It's my motto and boy do I know that CRAP CRAP CRAP moment.

Suebee

>

> I got brave today and invited mom to come with me while I took some

> pants back and picked up a book I need for school. 2-3 hours TOPS.

>

> Everything is a tad uncomfortable but she's really trying to 'be

> good' most of the trip. I can appreciate that.

>

> But on the way home she starts telling me about how her 'latest

> school plan' is going to be THE ONE and 'maybe' she'll " make

> something of herself " (she's 60). I said, (dumbdumbdumb) " I think

> that sounds like you really want this to work. I hope you are able

> to make this work for you " . (Can you hear the therapist mirroring

> going on here? lol). Then she says, " well what's your worry? I'll

> get a job with this despite budget cuts and centers closing " (oh

> god)... I said, " well, what I'm really hoping is that you want this

> badly enough to see it through and not quit " .

>

> CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

> therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second half of

> 8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)... and

> on and on and on and on she went....

>

> Why do I even bother to engage?

>

> I need MY therapist...

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Ya know.... I think " most " people live in Hello Kitty worlds...

we're all living in the " here Kitty Kitty Kitty ~ THWACK! " world...

geez.

> >

> > I got brave today and invited mom to come with me while I took

some

> > pants back and picked up a book I need for school. 2-3 hours

TOPS.

> >

> > Everything is a tad uncomfortable but she's really trying to 'be

> > good' most of the trip. I can appreciate that.

> >

> > But on the way home she starts telling me about how her 'latest

> > school plan' is going to be THE ONE and 'maybe' she'll " make

> > something of herself " (she's 60). I said, (dumbdumbdumb) " I

think

> > that sounds like you really want this to work. I hope you are

able

> > to make this work for you " . (Can you hear the therapist

mirroring

> > going on here? lol). Then she says, " well what's your worry?

I'll

> > get a job with this despite budget cuts and centers closing " (oh

> > god)... I said, " well, what I'm really hoping is that you want

this

> > badly enough to see it through and not quit " .

> >

> > CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> > She said, " YOU don't GET to say THAT! I'm working on that in

> > therapy. It turns out all my BIG ISSUES are from the second

half of

> > 8th grade and I CAN'T HELP IT " ... (did I mention she's 60?)...

and

> > on and on and on and on she went....

> >

> > Why do I even bother to engage?

> >

> > I need MY therapist...

> >

> > Lynnette

> >

>

[Guest guest]

the thing that strikes me about this is it is such a double standard.

And I know that is why Randi Krieger named her book " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Bpd's say and do outrageous things every day of the week

and those in the fallout zone are just expected to 'deal with it'

somehow. But step on their toes and there is #@#@ to pay like you

said. I know that the feelings of 'uh-oh' is what makes us different

from the bpd but sometimes it is so unfair that we freak out so much

about what we ourselves do whereas they really don't care about their

actions.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Yeah, I do understand you weren't being judgmental, but any response with any

substance will be used by a BP against you.

I remember being on the way to a wedding with my mother when I was 12. She had

just home permed or colored her hair and it looked bad, and she cared a lot

about her appearance. She kept obsessing, asking how it looked. I kept saying

she looked good. Finally we are on our way, in the car, and she starts SCREAMING

at me to be " honest " and I tell her, yeah, it looks bad. (Which it did,

incidentally, not atrocious, but bad). That she did her usual self harm,

ranting, shrieking, how was she to go to the wedding and be around all those

people after " I " told her she looked bad.

There is no right answer with BPD. I think I disagree with your therapist --

making small sounds of agreement is safest and easiest, if you cannot go NC.

I rec'd NC, of course.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Btw, I, too, value words VERY highly and at age 35 am only beginning to

understand they have neither the import or resonance for others that they have

for me. It is a sad realization, it presents to me the chasm between me and

others, one I thought I could bridge with words -- but it turns out that my

reliance on and faith in words IS the chasm. Sigh... screwed up parenting is so

far reaching in it's consequences.

Pea