RE: Accustomed to projection

January 1, 2008

Oh yes! I deal with this almost daily. Like last night my MIL watched our boys

while my husband and I went to dinner. She started picking at the two dead

leaves on my plant and I took it personally (like you are a bad homemaker look

at those dead leaves). She also talks about how wonderful desitin cream is

although I am a nurse and prefer to use the one I like. She doesn't have BPD and

respects me as a mother but if I don't watch it I can take her comments and

actions personally as I have with my BPD mom. I can specifically remember my

mother pointing out words, actions etc. others said to me and taught me to take

them personally (I guess because this is what she knows and does). She parented

me to dysfunction in so many ways!

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: writermanque@...: Tue, 1

Jan 2008 13:21:47 +0000Subject: Accustomed to projection

Happy New Year everyone! I had a very wierd experience this morning. I awoke

with one very lucid thought in my mind. My husband will occasionally say things

like " The house is a mess " (which is usually true) or " We should take the kids

to get their hair cut soon. " Both non-accusatory statements, right? Except every

time he'd say something like that, I'd immediately feel awful. And for whatever

reason, I woke up this morning and realized that growing up with someone who was

always projecting on me, I had grown used to these types of statements being

jabs at me, off-handed statements about things that I should be doing. In other

words, if nada said " The house is a mess " , it meant, " You better clean the house

or else. " " We should take the kids to get their hair cut soon, " would be

interpreted as " YOU need to take better care of the kids. " I realized this

morning that I have been internally processing these types of statements as

personal attacks, and although I certainly bear some responsibility for the

upkeep of my house and children, I need to better consider the intent behind

these statements. Anyone else with similar experiences?

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