Just discovered recently that my mother has BPD

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I am new to this group, and am delighted to find out that there are other

people in this world that have to do deal with a BP " nada " .

I am over joyed to have discovered this group, as well am feeling a sense of

relief having discovered what is wrong with my mother, after basically 25

years of a terribly rocky and painful relationship with her, observing her

fight with mostly everyone person she came into contact with, including

friends, ALL family members, work mates, etc, after being told my whole that

I was the one with the problem -yet having positive relationships with

everyone around me, and dealing with the confusion of being very young and

not knowing anything about this disorder, yet realizing there was an obvious

discrepancy in what my nada says vs.my reality.

Can anybody recommend a good starting point for a person (like me) who has

just discovered that their parent has BPD?

Perhaps understanding how to set healthy boundaries, understanding the

disorder in greater details, or whatever else that has helped others to

understand, accept and let go of this nasty and devasting disorder?

Also, I would love to share stories with anyone about experiences that

they've encountered with their BPD parent, for some reason it helps me to

hear other stories (I guess I don't feel as alone, and like I am the only

one).

Hope everyone has a happy new year!

Best,

Blonde Fishy

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Welcome to the group. I actually just joined last

week. I also like yourself didn't know of this group.

I was informed of it by my mother-in-law. Like

yourself, I didn't realize that such a disorder

existed. I found out about three or four years ago.

It's wierd that you mentioned that your " nada " would

fight with everyone in her path, especially her family

members. I delt with that growing up too. I was the

oddball, and would stand up for everything that I felt

strongly for. I got chewed out for it everytime. My

mother had her favorite (my younger sister) and would

turn family members against each other. What kind of

parent does that? She always put out this personality

in public. She was always pleasant and for the most

part was liked by others. She LOVED to gossip. I

remeber this one incidence where some person had keyed

her car with the word f*** you. It was shocking but at

the same time I felt that she deserved it. My husband

believes that she may have multiple disorders. She is

so messed up in the head that some stories may sound

like something a BP would do, but others don't. Well I

have to go, my little one needs to eat some lunch.

Take care and hope you had a happy new year.

--- Leah Kempe wrote:

> Hello,

>

> I am new to this group, and am delighted to find out

> that there are other

> people in this world that have to do deal with a BP

> " nada " .

> I am over joyed to have discovered this group, as

> well am feeling a sense of

> relief having discovered what is wrong with my

> mother, after basically 25

> years of a terribly rocky and painful relationship

> with her, observing her

> fight with mostly everyone person she came into

> contact with, including

> friends, ALL family members, work mates, etc, after

> being told my whole that

> I was the one with the problem -yet having positive

> relationships with

> everyone around me, and dealing with the confusion

> of being very young and

> not knowing anything about this disorder, yet

> realizing there was an obvious

> discrepancy in what my nada says vs.my reality.

>

> Can anybody recommend a good starting point for a

> person (like me) who has

> just discovered that their parent has BPD?

> Perhaps understanding how to set healthy boundaries,

> understanding the

> disorder in greater details, or whatever else that

> has helped others to

> understand, accept and let go of this nasty and

> devasting disorder?

>

> Also, I would love to share stories with anyone

> about experiences that

> they've encountered with their BPD parent, for some

> reason it helps me to

> hear other stories (I guess I don't feel as alone,

> and like I am the only

> one).

>

> Hope everyone has a happy new year!

>

> Best,

>

> Blonde Fishy

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Looking for last minute shopping deals?

Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping

[Guest guest]

Kyla!

Thanks for the great advice! I am going to get the books.

Another book I have just recently bought is " Toxix Parents " - it is yet to

come in the mail still, but apparently it is very good!

Thanks again!

Blonde Fishy

> Blonde FIshy --

>

> Re: Surviving the Borderline Parent -- That's a GREAT book -- and

> not too long, either. It will give you the essentials you need to

> start protecting and building your own life. It has great exercises

> that help you really explore how mired your thinking has become by

> being raised by a Borderline.

>

> For deeper diving into the subject in general, " Understanding the

> Borderline Mother " is a fantastic resource.

>

> Also " Stop Walking on Eggshells " -- has a workbook, too.

>

> " I hate you, don't leave me " is a good one at explaining BPD.

>

> Also, one of the best I've read about separating from your family of

> origin (FOO) is " Leaving Home " by Celani.

>

> Also, many posters on this board really highly

> recommend " Boundaries " by Henry Cloud.

>

> All of these books are in paperback, and most are not that

> expensive -- considering it could change the course of your life for

> the better, it's a tiny investment with huge returns!

>

> I found most of mine on Amazon --

>

> Welcome!

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah, I have that one, too! (Leaves the room to go look for

it....)

Also, the very first book I was reading that led me to this sight

was " Emotional Blackmail " by Forward. I was just a few weeks

into the new mindset that my parents weren't good parents. (I was 43

years old at the time....late bloomer!) They had turned me down and

cancelled -- yet again -- on a couple of things we had planned and I

just " snapped " . It was almost imperceptible -- but was actually the

beginning of a major shift in my thinking.

I really think it was a God thing, because I had bought

the " Emotional Blackmail " book a year or so before and had not

gotten around to reading it. Stuck it on the shelf and forgot about

it. But it popped into my mind after my parents' latest

cancellation, and I got it off the shelf and began reading it. I

connected with it immediately. I must have been ready to hear the

message.

An internet search from that book led me to this board -- and my

life hasn't been the same. It's had its tough moments, but I

wouldn't trade my awakening for anything in the world. My long

suffering husband saw it years ago, and was always a good sport

about putting up with my parents' antics. (We had our good times,

too, to be fair.)

I'm now trying to figure out how this " relationship " is going to

settle. I'm taking my time -- I won't be rushed by them. Those

books really help. Good luck on your journey, too.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

I just remembered something else: When I bought the " Emotional

Blackmail " book, I remember thinking " I don't need this -- why am I

buying it? " .....I was still in the FOG of thinking that my

relationship with my parents was just fine -- good, in fact! It's

amazing how much I had repressed, because it all came pouring out at

that last cancellation of my parents. My dad casually said " Oh, we

can't make it. " and it was a huge birthday weekend I was planning at

our lake house. I'd been planning it for months -- with their

input!! It hurt my feelings, and for once, I let myself FEEL it.

The fact that he treated it so casually -- like it wasn't important,

caused a " dam " to burst in me. My mom didn't even bother to call

and cancel -- she delegated it to my dad. (And HE didn't even say

they weren't coming until I e-mailed him directions!) Someone on

this site described it as a " stone breaking open " -- a great

description.

Anyway -- that just illustrates that I was so accustomed to

repressing how I was really feeling, in favor of their feelings (and

when I reached adulthood, everyone else's feelings around me), and

was just going through life numb.

That tiny part of me that was still alive inside, trying to get out,

was the part of me that marched toward that cash register and bought

a book that I didn't even think I needed.

-Kyla

>

> Oh yeah, I have that one, too! (Leaves the room to go look for

> it....)

>

> Also, the very first book I was reading that led me to this sight

> was " Emotional Blackmail " by Forward. I was just a few

weeks

> into the new mindset that my parents weren't good parents. (I was

43

> years old at the time....late bloomer!) They had turned me down

and

> cancelled -- yet again -- on a couple of things we had planned and

I

> just " snapped " . It was almost imperceptible -- but was actually

the

> beginning of a major shift in my thinking.

>

> I really think it was a God thing, because I had bought

> the " Emotional Blackmail " book a year or so before and had not

> gotten around to reading it. Stuck it on the shelf and forgot

about

> it. But it popped into my mind after my parents' latest

> cancellation, and I got it off the shelf and began reading it. I

> connected with it immediately. I must have been ready to hear the

> message.

>

> An internet search from that book led me to this board -- and my

> life hasn't been the same. It's had its tough moments, but I

> wouldn't trade my awakening for anything in the world. My long

> suffering husband saw it years ago, and was always a good sport

> about putting up with my parents' antics. (We had our good times,

> too, to be fair.)

>

> I'm now trying to figure out how this " relationship " is going to

> settle. I'm taking my time -- I won't be rushed by them. Those

> books really help. Good luck on your journey, too.

>

> -Kyla

>