Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 Thank you for all of the great info and insight about the eulogy exercise. My H did this regarding his fada some months ago. He then felt as if he was grieving his fada's death in the true sense of the word, even though the " man " was still alive.I guess he was grieving the idea of having a loving, normal father, which he finally accepts is never going to happen. My question involves other acts of detachment and acceptance. My H is now in a state of no contact with his parents and has recently spent some time with our old photographs. He informed me that he had thrown away all of our photos of them and cut them out of our family photos where he wanted to keep the photo, but just didn't want them in it. I question whether this is healthy or not. Seems both cleansing and twisted to me. I have heard of such things when getting an old lover out of your head--you know-- a ritualistic burning of mementos and such to be " rid " of them psychologically. It just seems wrong to discard family photos. I understand that it's painful for him to look at them. I thought putting them away would suffice... What are your thoughts? Elle > > > > Kara & Sara Jo ~ > > > > I think I will be relieved when my mother (NADA?) is gone, too. The > > stress of her unpredictability and constant boundary breaking or > > threats is beyond comprehension. It adds stress to my life > > emotionally, physically, professionally and spiritually. I question > > how God could allow such a crippling disease as this... It destroys > > family units much like cancer destroys individual bodies. I would > > contend that BPD has various physical repercussions for families who > > have a BP in their unit, as well... > > > > My mother used to take my brother and me to her grave site so that > > we could see where she would be buried and so that we would know > > where to visit her. SICK? Yah, I thought so, too! Just last month > > I found out that Dad is selling those plots. Allelujah! > > > > Mom has perseverated about her own death as long as I've known her. > > She says things like, " You'll miss me when I'm gone, " and " You'll > > wish you hadn't said that when I'm no longer here. " She apparently > > thinks the world will end when she dies. Mom is quick to point out > > all of my mistakes and all of the regrets I will have once she's > > gone. > > > > Part of me just wishes it would happen (according to God's plan, of > > course) so that we could all just find out. I've heard these empty > > threats that's she's on her death bed for the past 32 years. She's > > been almost dead for at least the past 28 years that I can recall! > > > > I want to preserve time with my father. I want my Daddy to live and > > relax and just be himself for once. He's weathered enough already. > > When will he be free of this burden. I'm already convinced he's got > > a mansion in the sky! I just wish I could have some uninterrupted > > time with my father! I'm not sure what it would feel like to have a > > conversation with my father about his interests and dreams! I'm > > sure he used to have some. > > > > > > Just my 2 cents (or was that 2 bucks worth...sorry), > > > > Dolly > > > > > > Perhaps the absence of my BP mother would afford all of us a dream > > or two... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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