Re: How does Nada con the enmeshed? Remember OZ- Folie a Deux links

[Guest guest]

Wether the kid stay at home or leave: they can be very dysfunctional,

have axis I Mood disorders, Axis II personality Disorders, and

substance abuse issues with alcohol and drugs, all leading to an

extreamly abusive and abrasive personality.

One article out of the UK and easy to find on an internet search is

from the Anals of General Psychiatry published in 2006, written by

four hospitals and University's in the UK: The nosological

significance of Folie a Deux: a review of the literature.

Second article internet search enter:follie a deux, 2006, Israel

The article should pop up: What is shared in shared psychosis:Folie a

Deux

Functional family members are in the web of their dysfunctional

family till they make a break with their family and set up strong

boundries. Till then, they are at best enablers, and at worst and

most likely the victims of the abusers.

from Ohio, sorry, I meant Kansas

>

> Hey, --

>

> What an insightful post! I have often theorized that these things

> were behaviorally modeled in the family, and thus, passed down from

> generation to generation. I just see it over and over again in my

> relatives.

>

> It really is a " miracle " that any of us made it out -- but, you

> know, that gives hope to the human condition: that anything is

> possible with each human being born.

>

> I'd love to see links to those studies you mentioned --

>

> I'm currently trying to find out more about the family dynamic in

my

> nada's FOO. What I DO know is there was alcoholism, anger and fear

> in that house. (Who knows what else?!) I witnessed a lot of

> drinking, smoking and carousing into the morning hours when I was a

> child. Then my brother and I would wake up hungry while the adults

> slept it off. I remember being bored for hours and hours -- but

> having to be quiet so I wouldn't wake anyone. How selfish is that

> of the adults in charge not to be " available " to tend to the little

> ones in the morning? They were all hungover and slept until noon.

> That was just what I witnessed -- There's no telling what my nada

> lived through.

>

> Even after all that, my nada hovered and fretted over her alcoholic

> mother for the last years of grandmother's life. Grandmother made

> sure to squeeze all she could out of my mom for free, long after

she

> should have had full-time help, or gone into assisted living --

> which she resolutely refused to discuss. She would just rather

have

> my mom come in and provide free care -- and my mom did it.

>

> So, my point is: Even after growing up with self-absorbed,

> alcoholic and possibly raging, fearful parents, my mother still

bent

> over backwards to wait on my grandmother hand and foot. Couldn't

> draw the line at being her full-time nurse. My grandmother wanted

> ALL options given to her, with no regard that she was a burden to

> her children. And still, my mother fretted and slaved.

>

> I just find that to be a curious dynamic -- and the best logical

> explanation I've found for it is in Celani's book " Leaving

> Home " . He points out that the dysfunctional homes are the ones

that

> produce kids who can't seem to " leave " home, yet the functional

ones

> are the ones that push the kids out of the nest prepared to live

> their own lives, and come back willingly and have healthy

> relationships with their parents after they move out. It's the

> dysfunctional ones who are still shackled to the dysfunctional

> family of origin. Very strange.

>

> -Kyla

>