Guest guest Posted April 29, 2006 Report Share Posted April 29, 2006 , Avonex is a bitch in the begining but the side effects taper off after about 4-6 months. Also, with the tylenol have your neuro perscribe a low dose steroid to take an hour before your shot. It really has worked wonders with me. Also, time your shot in the day. For example, I do mine on Sunday afternoon because I know that I can go to bed early if I need too. I've learned not to take shot before bedtime because it takes about five hours to feel the effects and therefor you would have the effects the begining of the next day. Why would they do both shots? Is this a new type of treatment? Seems like a lot of meds to me. Good luck. Mindy > > Hi All, > > I just joined last night, I need other people who know what I'm going > through. > > My name is , I have a hubby and 2 teens and a 1 year old foster > child. > > This is my story... about 3 years ago I had my first symptom, I was 34. I > then had several symptoms and went to my doctor, then several doctors. My > only test that came back postive was my MRI, which I had 3 lesions. Well, I > was unable to get diagnosed with that, according to these doctors. So I > gave up - too many medical bills (my daughter had just had cancer the year > before- she is in remission now) so I went on living, putting MS and my > symptoms 'out of my head' and I went on a low fat diet and tried to stay > healthy. > > That brings me to now. I went to a conference on MS. The doctor said that > it is very important to get on treatment as soon as possible. So I made an > appointment with him, had another MRI, which showed 2 more lesions- so now I > have that 'diagnosis'. > > Now, I wanted to get treatment started, but still finanically strapped. The > doctor is 250 miles away (round trip) and we had an old van. So first we > went and bought something more dependable. Next I decided on a clinical > trial, because it is free for 3 years. It is a trial where I will get > either Avonex, Copaxone, or both. So I will being getting some drug. The > doctor said that he will probably know which one, based on side effects. So > that means I will be giving myself 8 shots a week. That is alittle hard for > me to think about! I start on May 5th. > > I'm wondering how everyone else has dealt with injections? I will be doing > them on my own, my husband would pass out if he saw a needle! > > Thanks for having me ! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Sharon (MSersLife creator/owner) > > " One minute it's a giant cabbage and the next, ka-boom! You've got cole slaw > all over you. " V.R. , Palmer, Alaska, where Cabbages grow huge > > > _____ > > > How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone > <http://us.rd.yahoo.com/mail_us/taglines/postman8/*http:/us.rd.yahoo. com/evt > =39663/*http:/voice.yahoo.com> call rates. > > > > > > <http://us.rd.yahoo.com/mail_us/taglines/postman8/*http:/us.rd.yahoo. com/evt > =39663/*http:/voice.yahoo.com> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 30, 2007 Report Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hello all, I'm new to this forum, although not new to dealing with BPD stuff. Even though it's never been " officially " diagnosed, I believe my mother and my older sister have BPD (with a good dose of narcissism and paranoia thrown in for good measure). I've recently moved closer to them--a decision I still can't fully explain to myself--and am not liking the angry and impatient person I'm becoming in my dealings with them. I'm trying to find a good counselor for myself, but have not had a lot of success. In looking over some of the posts, there are a lot of good ideas for coping, so I hope this will help to get me through while I try to decide if ANOTHER move is in my future. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that, while I feel some connection to these people based on kinship, I really, really don't like them as human beings. They are mean at their core, yet act victimized any time you point out their vicious behavior. I've always been able to ignore it and be the " stand up " person who tried (in vain) to redirect the hostile words and awful behavior, but I've lost my energy for this BS and I suspect a major blowout is on the horizon. We just went through a 12 week family-to-family course run by NAMI with my older sister as the identified patient. It was good from the standpoint that the absolute lack of insight on the part of both my parents was stunning and it helped me to adjust my expectations of what sort of changes they are actually willing/able to make. My dad, the poster child for emotional detachment, doesn't see anything wrong with my sister despite her abusive outbursts, 23 job changes, multiple hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts, refusal to take medication and constant, unrelenting negativity. My mother, who made a failed suicide attempt less than two years ago, was busily trying to point out to other group members how they should fix their own lives. Of course, she never confessed her own issues with mental illness or her attempted suicide or the fact that she was diagnosed with " traits " suggestive of BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I ended up quitting the group because I felt it was not a safe place for me to discuss family issues with so many family members present. Plus, it was not run by professionals and it was clear the BPDs and narcissists were taking over the the agenda. Anyway, sorry for the long post. I am angry at myself for purposely putting myself right back in the " vortex of dysfunction " and know I need to get some support. Just curious--what do " nada " and " fada " mean? I assume they are acronyms, but couldn't find the definition on the site. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 TO: mmannion07 Since you are new to this forum, you may as well know that this has not been of much assistance to me. Yes, you can read other peoples problems and complaints, but getting a response unless you have the time to sit on this web site all day every day responding to other people and ignoring yourself. I have bore my heart and soul on this web site and the only people to have answered me are no longer part of this forum. I empathisize with you, moving to be closer to family. I did the same thing a year ago August, only to regret it. My father passed away 4 yrs. ago October and I moved back here to help my sister with our mother (nada). Father is fada. Our mother has been mentally ill since my sister and I were very young children. Nada is not only narcissitic but extremely emotionally and (physically abusive of me only). She is going to be 90 in 24 days and instead of slowing down she is getting worse. I don't know if my sister is BPD or not, even though she has the book Eggshell's, and has read parts of Boundaries, she still plays into the same old issues with nada. She continually is an enablier, she gets fed up but will not set any boundaries and allows the emotional abuse to continue on. I on the other hand will not tolerate the abuse anymore and become N/C with all of them. I refuse to play their games anymore. Then......... I have a 42 year old daughter who I believe is to severe for the narcissitic behaviors to just be learned, I believe she is BPD and also Bipolar. She had both drug and alcohol addictions and is totally self destructive. She lives with nada and is in control of practically everyting nada does. Finding a good couselor is a big help. I go to the clinic where the co-author of Eggshell's is director of the clinic. I had extremely good couseling from my pastor in Indianapolis, but when I moved back to WI finding a dependable couselor has been difficult. The one I was assigned to first hurt her back and was out for 8 weeks, now she is out on maternity leave. They have assigned me to a PHD student who I have met with once. Our last session was cancelled because she was sick. Been over a week and has not been re-scheduled yet. I like her as far as first impressions go, she works with the head of the clinic area that deals strictly with BPD, they have a group that is for the BPD clients. I wish they would start a group for the survivors and have voiced this to the head of that area. I am getting to the point of where I feel very little connection to my blood family anymore. There is too much hurt and pain when involved with them. If they can't control me they are mean and evil. I don't need that in my life, and when I am able I intend to leave here. Where I will go I have no idea yet. I may go back to Indianapolis. My church family is there and they treat me like a human being. What is NAMI? My father (fada) was also a poster child. His job kept him away from home as much as possible so he didn't have to deal with nada. The only thing he was not totally detached from was physically and emotionally abusing me when he was home because of the lies nada and sister told to get him involved. Those lies stopped when I was 21 and he had hit me in the mouth because my nada accused me of being " shacked up " in a motel with a man. I was married, my husband was in Viet Nam. I had worked all night the night I was gone. I worked for a good friend of my fada's who owned a resturarant that stayed open till 3am. When my fada took me to work the next night (after he hit me when I tried to explain) his friend ask me where I had gone that morning and my fada looked at him and said " she was here all night? " and friend answered " yes, I was going to give her a ride home and she left and walked home, " fada never said he was sorry, even though you could see it in his eyes and face, but he never hit me again, and after that fada treated me differently. He retired at 65 but continued to work for another friend of his who owned a trucking company, and made a couple of trips a month for him to Canada, Arizona, North Carolina, Tennessee, where ever he was sent to stay away from my nada continual nagging, abuse, and controling nature. Well, sorry for the long post. Just trying to let you know, I know where you are at in life. If you need a friend, stay in touch. mmanion07 wrote: Hello all, I'm new to this forum, although not new to dealing with BPD stuff. Even though it's never been " officially " diagnosed, I believe my mother and my older sister have BPD (with a good dose of narcissism and paranoia thrown in for good measure). I've recently moved closer to them--a decision I still can't fully explain to myself--and am not liking the angry and impatient person I'm becoming in my dealings with them. I'm trying to find a good counselor for myself, but have not had a lot of success. In looking over some of the posts, there are a lot of good ideas for coping, so I hope this will help to get me through while I try to decide if ANOTHER move is in my future. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that, while I feel some connection to these people based on kinship, I really, really don't like them as human beings. They are mean at their core, yet act victimized any time you point out their vicious behavior. I've always been able to ignore it and be the " stand up " person who tried (in vain) to redirect the hostile words and awful behavior, but I've lost my energy for this BS and I suspect a major blowout is on the horizon. We just went through a 12 week family-to-family course run by NAMI with my older sister as the identified patient. It was good from the standpoint that the absolute lack of insight on the part of both my parents was stunning and it helped me to adjust my expectations of what sort of changes they are actually willing/able to make. My dad, the poster child for emotional detachment, doesn't see anything wrong with my sister despite her abusive outbursts, 23 job changes, multiple hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts, refusal to take medication and constant, unrelenting negativity. My mother, who made a failed suicide attempt less than two years ago, was busily trying to point out to other group members how they should fix their own lives. Of course, she never confessed her own issues with mental illness or her attempted suicide or the fact that she was diagnosed with " traits " suggestive of BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I ended up quitting the group because I felt it was not a safe place for me to discuss family issues with so many family members present. Plus, it was not run by professionals and it was clear the BPDs and narcissists were taking over the the agenda. Anyway, sorry for the long post. I am angry at myself for purposely putting myself right back in the " vortex of dysfunction " and know I need to get some support. Just curious--what do " nada " and " fada " mean? I assume they are acronyms, but couldn't find the definition on the site. --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 , I would like to suggest to you the possibility that your thinking on this topic is distorted. We all have distorted thinking from time to time, due to insecurities and especially due to growing up under a nada's rule. I believe that your distorted message which you give to yourself is, " people don't listen to me and nobody cares about my problems. " Just this month you posted and received lengthy, thoughtful, caring responses from Sylvia and Kyla. Both of them are currently active on this board. I know I have also responded to your posts. As I have stated before, people respond when they feel compelled to. Sometimes they are busy or just too drained to respond to a post. So I really don't know why you continue to complain that nobody responds to you, because people are responding. I really believe, though, that this is pattern of thinking. Believing people don't listen to you, ignoring it when they do, then complaining that you're being ignored. When we all receive this random spanking every couple of months from you, I think it does serve to alienate people from you. Thus, the self-fulfilling prophecy is fulfilled again. I feel like the post you have made is meant to illicit feelings of shame in those who read it. That everyone should feel badly that you aren't getting enough responses. I believe you are taking things personally which are not meant personally. I really mean for this post to provide you some food for thought, and have absolutely no ill intentions in it. My hope for you is that in the future you can " act as if " this message board is a helpful, loving, safe place for you, one that you are grateful for. Perhaps if you can " act as if " that is true, and stop chastising us for not being helpful enough, things can turn around for you on here. I'm not saying that you are not entitled to your feelings. What I am saying is that you've told us this a few times before, and we have heard you. It seems as if continuing to chastise us only serves to make us feel shamed and to make you feel like a victim. Nobody really wins in this scenario; we all just end up feeling like crap. -Deanna > > TO: mmannion07 > > Since you are new to this forum, you may as well know that this has not been of much assistance to me. Yes, you can read other peoples problems and complaints, but getting a response unless you have the time to sit on this web site all day every day responding to other people and ignoring yourself. I have bore my heart and soul on this web site and the only people to have answered me are no longer part of this forum. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 In response to your question about the inability to handle stress; My nada will fly completely off the handle even if the phone rings. She'll scream, curse, yell at my dad until he answers it. She'll go nuts if she sees a spec of dirt on the floor. Pretty much her entire day is filled with screaming about one stupid thing or another. LL **************************************See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Hi Sara and Kayla, I've just ordered " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and I hope it provides some insight. I'm not clear on whether my mom fits more into the borderline or narcissistic category, or possibly both. Like you, I've had a little trouble connecting with some of the books I've read. My mom and at least one of my sisters meet the criteria for BPD, but they don't really resemble the case studies in the books. I suspect it is because they are pretty high-functioning and are smart enough to act normal in public, which ends up really screwing with your mind. . My sister, especially, is an actress. She is so obviously phony it surprises (and frustrates) me that other people don't notice it. She is very condescending and pretends to be overly kind when speaking to others (treating them, in my opinion, like they are slightly retarded). Then she goes home or privately rails and heaps abuse on her husband and son and obsesses about her own perceived victimization. She remembers the slightest injury done to her from 40+ years ago, for instance suggesting that I purposely broke her nose when I was 9 months old. She also has memories of abuse that I don't have. I think my mother was abusive, but my sister remembers things as far more extreme than I do. I don't want to discount her perceptions because I realize that I could be minimizing, but there are some things she has clearly mis-remembered that are now " fact " in her mind. It can be crazy making. Dad survives the craziness by tuning out and pretending not to notice how bad the behavior is. My mom, dad and one other sister just went through a NAMI (National Association for Mental Illness) program for families with my BPD sister identified as the patient. Needless to say, it was not a productive thing to do when one participant is has BPD and another one simply doesn't want to address any problems. We're with a group specifically focused on mental illness and my mom didn't bother to share her recent suicide attempt or any of the suicidal threats she made since as early as I can remember. In fact, she took the opportunity to correct other people's thinking. It was a 12 week program. I made it four weeks before I had to set a boundary and not participate in what I believed to be an unhealthy situation. So guess what? Now I'm the one with the problem because I didn't want to " work through " the family problem with my sister! And so it goes... One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is an absolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to-day stress we all face. Is this common with BPD? > > > > > > Hey all. > > > > > > My name is Sara, I'm 21 and I believe my mother has BPD. She was > > > diagnosed with it when her and my father were going to marriage > > > counseling about 5 years ago (?) but she doesn't accept the > > diagnosis. > > > > > > I'm new at this. I'm not sure what to write. I don't really > > > communicate with my mom much anymore. I've read SWOE but I think > > I'll > > > have to read it another 2 or 3 times to actually get all of the > > > information in the book. My mom was the type of BP that didn't > > have > > > rages towards her children. I think I can remember one > significant > > > one where she threw a huge bag full of clothes at me (while she > > was > > > pregnant) because I wouldn't apologize to my brother. Other than > > > that, I just chalked them all up to me talking back and her > losing > > > her temper. I don't know, do " normal " mothers get in yelling > > fights > > > with their daughters? And then ground them for three months at a > > time? > > > > > > Well, I just thought I'd introduce myself. I was feeling bad for > > > reading about everyone else's lives when no one knew who I was or > > > that I was even reading. \ > > > > > > Sara > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 My mother does not handle day to day stress very well at all. Neither does my father. Sometimes I have difficulty with it also. I think this is a trait of BPD and being raised in a dysfunctional family. Kelley To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: mmanion07@...: Tue, 1 Jan 2008 18:51:41 +0000Subject: Re: Newbie Hi Sara and Kayla, I've just ordered " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and I hope itprovides some insight. I'm not clear on whether my mom fits more intothe borderline or narcissistic category, or possibly both. Like you,I've had a little trouble connecting with some of the books I've read.My mom and at least one of my sisters meet the criteria for BPD, butthey don't really resemble the case studies in the books. I suspectit is because they are pretty high-functioning and are smart enough toact normal in public, which ends up really screwing with your mind. .My sister, especially, is an actress. She is so obviously phony itsurprises (and frustrates) me that other people don't notice it. Sheis very condescending and pretends to be overly kind when speaking toothers (treating them, in my opinion, like they are slightlyretarded). Then she goes home or privately rails and heaps abuse onher husband and son and obsesses about her own perceivedvictimization. She remembers the slightest injury done to her from40+ years ago, for instance suggesting that I purposely broke her nosewhen I was 9 months old. She also has memories of abuse that I don'thave. I think my mother was abusive, but my sister remembers thingsas far more extreme than I do. I don't want to discount herperceptions because I realize that I could be minimizing, but thereare some things she has clearly mis-remembered that are now " fact " inher mind. It can be crazy making. Dad survives the craziness by tuning out and pretending not to noticehow bad the behavior is. My mom, dad and one other sister just wentthrough a NAMI (National Association for Mental Illness) program forfamilies with my BPD sister identified as the patient. Needless tosay, it was not a productive thing to do when one participant is hasBPD and another one simply doesn't want to address any problems. We'rewith a group specifically focused on mental illness and my mom didn'tbother to share her recent suicide attempt or any of the suicidalthreats she made since as early as I can remember. In fact, she tookthe opportunity to correct other people's thinking. It was a 12 weekprogram. I made it four weeks before I had to set a boundary and notparticipate in what I believed to be an unhealthy situation. So guesswhat? Now I'm the one with the problem because I didn't want to " workthrough " the family problem with my sister! And so it goes...One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is anabsolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to-daystress we all face. Is this common with BPD? > > >> > > Hey all.> > > > > > My name is Sara, I'm 21 and I believe my mother has BPD. She was > > > diagnosed with it when her and my father were going to marriage > > > counseling about 5 years ago (?) but she doesn't accept the > > diagnosis.> > > > > > I'm new at this. I'm not sure what to write. I don't really > > > communicate with my mom much anymore. I've read SWOE but I think > > I'll > > > have to read it another 2 or 3 times to actually get all of the > > > information in the book. My mom was the type of BP that didn't > > have > > > rages towards her children. I think I can remember one > significant > > > one where she threw a huge bag full of clothes at me (while she > > was > > > pregnant) because I wouldn't apologize to my brother. Other than > > > that, I just chalked them all up to me talking back and her > losing > > > her temper. I don't know, do " normal " mothers get in yelling > > fights > > > with their daughters? And then ground them for three months at a > > time?> > > > > > Well, I just thought I'd introduce myself. I was feeling bad for > > > reading about everyone else's lives when no one knew who I was or > > > that I was even reading. \> > > > > > Sara> > >> >> _________________________________________________________________ Don't get caught with egg on your face. Play Chicktionary! http://club.live.com/chicktionary.aspx?icid=chick_wlhmtextlink1_dec Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 I think it is very common! I'll be interested is seeing how others respond. When you put it in the context of the person having the emotions of a 2 - 5 year old child, you can understand that they have a very low tolerance to any kind of stress, just like little children do. What makes it worse, however, is this is an adult. So the actions and words can be adult, but are controlleed by immature emotions. Sylvia > >......> > One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is an > absolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to-day > stress we all face. Is this common with BPD? >....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Yes, I think the inability to handle stress is very prevalent among Dithe BPD-afflicted. In my mom's case (and as explained in " UBM " ), my mother's primary core feeling is FEAR. She spends her life worrying about everything -- won't drive on the freeway, won't consider booking a cruise ( " They throw people off those ships into the sea!!!! " ), didn't get her driver's license until she was 32, etc., etc.... Just spent her life being a Hermit and fearful of the world. So, yes, she's easily stressed -- it usually sends her into an emotional meltdown. Also, I don't blame you for walking out after the 4th week of that 12 week program. Once you identified it as a sham, I can see where I'd quit, too. And yes, you'll be the sacrifical " bad girl " because BPDs and their acolytes ALWAYS need someone to blame. Keeps them from having to look inward. Most of the time, it's a sign you're on the right track! -Kyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Deanna, Thank you for saying this. I'm glad someone had the fortitude to say it. I was disappointed to read 's posting, but now I understand exactly why... Bless you for having the strength to express yourself so well. Dolly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 , Who says you can't take the initiative and help organize a group for KO's or family members of a BPD? Many of these health care providers need someone to help with the ground work of starting one of these groups. It is a daunting task. Just a thought. Carla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 Excellently put Sylvia! I couldn't have said it any better myself. Some of the earlier threads about time management were very pertinent to this issue--BPs' perpetual stress (especially high functioning ones) is often due to them overcommiting themselves as part of their self-designated 'savior' role. They can also possess tireless energy (my nada rarely sleeps more than four hours a night) yet struggle with basic scheduling issues. Lots of everday issues baffle my nada; she is is constantly shocked and outraged by the cost of gas, groceries/ normal services (such as lawn care), traffic and always overestimates how much she can get done in a day. It is indeed a child-like inability to grasp basic cause and effect or, at least in my nada's case, to learn from stressful events and to evolve to avoid them. Conversely, she seems to crave the drama and deliberately waits until the last minute to get ready for church, a play, dinner etc. and then rages at everyone and projects the blame onto us for her inability to plan. Small stresses, such as a stain on the rug or laundry left in the dryer, take on epic proportions. I think this inability to handle basic life stress is one of the reasons they struggle to hold jobs, maintain relationships and embrace equilibrium and balance. It's one of the reasons my house looks like a vacuum-sealed photo spread from Martha Living--the only way she can deal with normal mess and clutter is to forbid it from the house. Otherwise, she feels a total lack of control over the smallest things and has a meltdown... smhtrain2 wrote: I think it is very common! I'll be interested is seeing how others respond. When you put it in the context of the person having the emotions of a 2 - 5 year old child, you can understand that they have a very low tolerance to any kind of stress, just like little children do. What makes it worse, however, is this is an adult. So the actions and words can be adult, but are controlleed by immature emotions. Sylvia > >......> > One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is an > absolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to-day > stress we all face. Is this common with BPD? >....... --------------------------------- Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2008 Report Share Posted January 1, 2008 My nada does this in spades! She's a seamstress (for the most part), and she actually is quite good at it, but she waits until the absolute last minute to get things done, and then if things don't go completely smoothly in her 11th hour crunch she completely freaks out at everyone. I remember once she held up a woman's wedding photos for two hours while she was doing her last minute dash to finish the bridesmaids' dresses. And then she proceeded to blame the fabric, the overweight bridesmaid, and the photographer for her tardiness. > > > >......> > > One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is an > > absolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to- day > > stress we all face. Is this common with BPD? > >....... > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Violetta! I've missed you! -Deanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Dolly, that is so sweet of you to say. I am so grateful for what I have here. Part of growing up and out from my nada's grasp is, I think, learning to have the strength to calmly and without malice say my peace. I plan to practice more of this today. -Deanna > > Deanna, > > Thank you for saying this. I'm glad someone had the fortitude to say > it. I was disappointed to read 's posting, but now I understand > exactly why... > > Bless you for having the strength to express yourself so well. > > > Dolly > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Vi -- I could soooooo identify with what you wrote. I have had the exact same experience with nada and fada, both growing up and into today. You expressed it so well, I'm printing it out. And yes, the BPD always gets a " special pass " to inflict themselves on everyone else in answer to the stresses of life. I think, ultimately, the purpose of that is that they never truly live. By handling the stresses of your life, you can also embrace the joys. I, too, was trained to be in awe of nada's turmoils (she ALWAYS made sure she was " going through " something, and therefore was due special consideration.)....and to minimize my own feelings, accomplishments and joys. That's exactly why I couldn't announce my engagement in my own family's home. (THAT should have been a turning point, but I was too fogged over.) It's her ticket to bypassing the " normal stresses of life " , as the other poster put it. That's really the key -- they think they're exempt from handling life. It's like they swing from one drama to another to use as excuses for skipping out or mistreating us. " Milking misfortune " is my nada completely -- she's now milking pity from her mother's passing away. And if you don't play along with their script, you get hammered. My nada dispatches my dad to do all the hammering. She can't lower herself from her silent treatment to deal with me or my brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks for the great feedback. Have to admit I got a little scared when the first post in response to my request for help was a slam on the site and all other posters. I guess that is only to be expected given the topic at hand, but it was a relief to hear from others. I contacted a therapist in my area and have set up an appointment to get back on track. It is amazing to me how quickly I can get sucked back into the disoriented thinking of my family even though I am intellectually aware of what is going on and have spent years trying to learn to deal with it! Mostly, I don't like the person I'm becoming in response to my BPD family members right now and I refuse to become an angry, bitter, depressed person just to play by their rules. My BPD sister called yesterday to tell me about how awful her life is and what a stupid loser she has for a husband (she lives in a half million dollar house in the hills). She's up in arms because her son is seeing a young woman who is also most likely BPD. She also is furious at my mother for not appreciating my dad and for playing the constant " victim. " I suggested she read some books on BPD to learn how to cope with mom and the new girlfriend (chickened right out about confronting her behavior or the irony of her comments). She is, of course, too busy to read. I sense an impending " battle of the borderlines " coming and am reaching for my track shoes to get the hell out of the way! Sometimes it's very hard to tell the difference between BPD and just plain meanness. > > Hello all, > > I'm new to this forum, although not new to dealing with BPD stuff. > Even though it's never been " officially " diagnosed, I believe my > mother and my older sister have BPD (with a good dose of narcissism > and paranoia thrown in for good measure). I've recently moved closer > to them--a decision I still can't fully explain to myself--and am not > liking the angry and impatient person I'm becoming in my dealings with > them. I'm trying to find a good counselor for myself, but have not > had a lot of success. In looking over some of the posts, there are a > lot of good ideas for coping, so I hope this will help to get me > through while I try to decide if ANOTHER move is in my future. > > I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that, while I > feel some connection to these people based on kinship, I really, > really don't like them as human beings. They are mean at their core, > yet act victimized any time you point out their vicious behavior. I've > always been able to ignore it and be the " stand up " person who tried > (in vain) to redirect the hostile words and awful behavior, but I've > lost my energy for this BS and I suspect a major blowout is on the > horizon. > > We just went through a 12 week family-to-family course run by NAMI > with my older sister as the identified patient. It was good from the > standpoint that the absolute lack of insight on the part of both my > parents was stunning and it helped me to adjust my expectations of > what sort of changes they are actually willing/able to make. My dad, > the poster child for emotional detachment, doesn't see anything wrong > with my sister despite her abusive outbursts, 23 job changes, multiple > hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts, refusal to take > medication and constant, unrelenting negativity. My mother, who made > a failed suicide attempt less than two years ago, was busily trying to > point out to other group members how they should fix their own lives. > Of course, she never confessed her own issues with mental illness or > her attempted suicide or the fact that she was diagnosed with " traits " > suggestive of BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I ended up > quitting the group because I felt it was not a safe place for me to > discuss family issues with so many family members present. Plus, it > was not run by professionals and it was clear the BPDs and narcissists > were taking over the the agenda. > > Anyway, sorry for the long post. I am angry at myself for purposely > putting myself right back in the " vortex of dysfunction " and know I > need to get some support. Just curious--what do " nada " and " fada " > mean? I assume they are acronyms, but couldn't find the definition on > the site. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 " Mostly, I don't like the person I'm becoming in response to my BPD family members right now and I refuse to become an angry, bitter, depressed person just to play by their rules. " Good for you! I feel the same way in my own situation. And good for you for seeing a therapist and distancing yourself from their dysfunction. It will just drag you down. You have EVERY RIGHT to decide how YOUR life is going to be, and that it is NOT at the mercy and whim of the erratic behavior of these others. I like how you recommended those books to your sister -- that kept you from commiserating or endorsing her -- kept you detached, and sent the gentle message that a dysfunction is in the mix. You're smart to distance yourself from all this drama. Go live your own life, free of the muck these people like to inflict on others. -Kyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Yes, the inability to handle stress is the most obvious sign of BPD that I notice. We have a saying in our house that FADA will not be able to attend an event or participate, etc. " if he gets a hangnail. " Doesn't take MUCH. Elle > > > >......> > > One trait I've noticed and wonder if the group could comment on is an > > absolute inability to handle stress, even just the basic day-to- day > > stress we all face. Is this common with BPD? > >....... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 " battle of the borderlines " LOL! I love it! It could be new reality TV hit! I'm glad you stuck with us and weren't scared off by your first response. I haven't been around much lately, but I have found this forum to be a godsend in times of need. Just hearing the stories from so many other people and realizing I was not alone has been amazing. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in front of my monitor with tears of recognition pouring down my face. I've found people here to be very kind and helpful, and I'm full of gratitude for that. I'm lucky in having a lot of non-virtual love and support in my life, but I feel a unique bond with people here, who really " get it " when it comes to living with Borderlines. I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you are here. Letty. > > > > Hello all, > > > > I'm new to this forum, although not new to dealing with BPD stuff. > > Even though it's never been " officially " diagnosed, I believe my > > mother and my older sister have BPD (with a good dose of narcissism > > and paranoia thrown in for good measure). I've recently moved closer > > to them--a decision I still can't fully explain to myself--and am not > > liking the angry and impatient person I'm becoming in my dealings with > > them. I'm trying to find a good counselor for myself, but have not > > had a lot of success. In looking over some of the posts, there are a > > lot of good ideas for coping, so I hope this will help to get me > > through while I try to decide if ANOTHER move is in my future. > > > > I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that, while I > > feel some connection to these people based on kinship, I really, > > really don't like them as human beings. They are mean at their core, > > yet act victimized any time you point out their vicious behavior. I've > > always been able to ignore it and be the " stand up " person who tried > > (in vain) to redirect the hostile words and awful behavior, but I've > > lost my energy for this BS and I suspect a major blowout is on the > > horizon. > > > > We just went through a 12 week family-to-family course run by NAMI > > with my older sister as the identified patient. It was good from the > > standpoint that the absolute lack of insight on the part of both my > > parents was stunning and it helped me to adjust my expectations of > > what sort of changes they are actually willing/able to make. My dad, > > the poster child for emotional detachment, doesn't see anything wrong > > with my sister despite her abusive outbursts, 23 job changes, multiple > > hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts, refusal to take > > medication and constant, unrelenting negativity. My mother, who made > > a failed suicide attempt less than two years ago, was busily trying to > > point out to other group members how they should fix their own lives. > > Of course, she never confessed her own issues with mental illness or > > her attempted suicide or the fact that she was diagnosed with " traits " > > suggestive of BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. I ended up > > quitting the group because I felt it was not a safe place for me to > > discuss family issues with so many family members present. Plus, it > > was not run by professionals and it was clear the BPDs and narcissists > > were taking over the the agenda. > > > > Anyway, sorry for the long post. I am angry at myself for purposely > > putting myself right back in the " vortex of dysfunction " and know I > > need to get some support. Just curious--what do " nada " and " fada " > > mean? I assume they are acronyms, but couldn't find the definition on > > the site. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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