Re: ready to pull my hair out

[Guest guest]

Wow Sylvia,

I never looked at it this way......you are so right. If I had a

nada who loved me (said it and showed it) then her poor parenting

wouldn't have hurt as much. I agree with stating the truth with our

nada's, telling them that their best wasn't good enough. I have

always hated hearing that statement. Kind of like an " F-U " ...... " I

did my best " , " you have to accept that " .

My mom recently said in a letter, that her and I were so much

alike. I figure, because of the way she acts, she doens't like

herself much.......so why would she like me???

Also getting an honest " I love you " out of her is like pulling

teeth, as it pains her to do it. Although she is very lovey, dovey

with my sister??? Go figure......

drlingirl

> >

> > Oh my goodness, Carla, that's awful. I feel so bad for Robbie

> (and

> > you!) after reading that. Not only was it awful for Robbie, but

> > imagine being the sibling forced to see your brother treated

that

> > way! It's abusive to all who have to see it! And since you're

> > powerless to help him, you feel even worse for that!

> >

> > I've blocked out a lot of what my mother did -- she

didn't " beat "

> me

> > but I think she slapped my brother. Maybe because he was a

boy.

> He

> > acted out when a teenager, so I'm sure she did a lot that I

don't

> > remember. I acted out, too.

> >

> > My mother and father try to rewrite history just as your nada

did

> at

> > your aunt's funeral. " We did the best we could " and " We tried

to

> > raise you better than that. " What a load of crap -- but if it

> goes

> > unchallenged, suddenly it's part of the family history. I

really

> > think my dad has convinced himself that they " did the best they

> > could " , so that he can hammer me for not fawning over nada now.

> >

> > And yes, technically, I guess they DID do the " best they could " ,

> but

> > that included my dad turning a blind eye to how awful she was,

and

> > choosing her over me. At some point, he made the choices he

> made.

> > So " the best he could " wasn't good enough for a father. I think

> he

> > overuses that phrase to absolve himself of guilt over his

> emotional

> > neglect.

> >

> > -Kyla

> >

>