Re: mom's playin the game

[Guest guest]

Sara Jo,

What a post =)

Here's what I thought. You said:

Mom has been really acting up lately. not answering my

> sisters calls because she " didn't feel like it " , saying how the

> family thinks badly of her because she can't " control her

children " .

You and Susie are ADULTS, not children. That might be a valid

criticism if you guys were, say, FIVE YEAR OLDS! And we both know

she's probably just projecting that onto them anyway, right? If they

ARE critical of her for not controlling her GROWN offspring, then

they're as nuts as she is.

> Well, mom calls susie today and tell her how torn up she is about

the

> situation and blah blah blah. my sister has decided to make the

trip

> down with mom instead of staying here.

Aw, that makes me sad =(

I completely respect her

> decision, and of course did not make her feel bad about it, but i

did

> try and caution her.

> I told her that mom is acting semi-nice and sorry out of pure

> desperation, because she IS losing control, that she is acting this

> way out of manipulation. My sister has told me many times that she

> doesn't want to go, so I'm sure she is only going now because mom

> played the " guilt and manipulation game " with her during that phone

> conversation.

I think you did the right thing here. Susie has a better chance of

un-meshing herself with a good example and support from her sister.

I know it must suck to watch her give in, though...

>

> It's just amazing how clearly i can see the games NADA plays.

> Also, NADA asked susie a lot of questions about me...including what

> can she do to change the way things are. Susie said she just told

> NADA if she wants to know anything about me she should just call

me.

> Which, I thought was a smart move on susie's part. Mom always talks

> bad about one of us to the other. IT was for this reason my sister

> and I didn't get along for a long time, i think.

YES, that's awesome. WAY TO GO, SUSIE =)

I keep

> imagining what a phone conversation would be like with her. First

> off, I'm pretty sure she won't DARE call me, because im the child,

> and i need to be the one to show respect and call her first. And I

> have no desire to initiate a conversation with her at all, because

as

> someone else put it, it's never a two way conversation, it is a

> Monologue from my NADA. It would probably end up one of two ways:

> 1) she will patronize me and agree with everything i say just to

> patronize me, to try and get me back under her control

> 2) she will blow up again and one of us will hang up on the other.

Yeah...don't worry about it so much. I keep telling myself and

everyone here, " You know what to do. " You're not planning to call

her. If she were to call you (like you said, fat chance), you'd know

how to enforce your boundaries.

Hang in there, you're doing great.

And I'm sad your sister won't be joining you, but I know you can have

a happy holiday anyway.

Peace,