Re: catching

[Guest guest]

c_mh13,

You have probably got what we KO's call fleas. Unhealthy behavioral reactions

learned

while living with a BP.

I learned constant criticism from my nada. I struggle constantly with being

judgmental

about everyone around me. I especially hate bad drivers. Idiot, twit and

jerkoff are my

terms of choice. Had to modify what I used to say when I got a little set of

ears in my car.

now I gotta learn to drop those too. Working on it.

xoxo Carla

" c_mh13 " wrote:

im still new to this, but i have noticed that sometimes i have behaved

> in some of the ways my NADA has. it scares me to death. my worst fear

> is that i will become like her. i have had the rages, although through

> common sense i don't allow myself to behave like that anymore. i think

> i have split other people, and done a few other things that i think are

> horrible. although i have not been diagnosed, i honestly believe (after

> researching) that i don't have BPD and have asked other close family

> members to tell me what they thought and they agreed that i don't have

> it. i know that " catching " some of the behaviors of a NADA is common,

> and i think this may be the case for me. How do i stop doing these

> things? i have made improvement already, but some of the things i do

> scare me. i just DONT want to be like her. and i don't want to hurt the

> people around me. What can i do to control these habits or emotions?

>

[Guest guest]

Carla and others,

Where can we go to find a list of abbrevations (ie " fleas', " NADA " ,

" KO " ) that are commonly used on this message board?

I am thinking I saw a listing of these somewhere on this message board,

but have done a search and cannot find it!

Thanks so much for your help with this,

midof9

>

> im still new to this, but i have noticed that sometimes i have behaved

> > in some of the ways my NADA has. it scares me to death. my worst

fear

> > is that i will become like her. i have had the rages, although

through

> > common sense i don't allow myself to behave like that anymore. i

think

> > i have split other people, and done a few other things that i think

are

> > horrible. although i have not been diagnosed, i honestly believe

(after

> > researching) that i don't have BPD and have asked other close family

> > members to tell me what they thought and they agreed that i don't

have

> > it. i know that " catching " some of the behaviors of a NADA is

common,

> > and i think this may be the case for me. How do i stop doing these

> > things? i have made improvement already, but some of the things i do

> > scare me. i just DONT want to be like her. and i don't want to hurt

the

> > people around me. What can i do to control these habits or emotions?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Carla,

I get so upset with rude drivers. This is one area where my anger

still comes out big time. Yesterday, I had my grandson in the car,

and he and I were having a very, very nice conversation. Then there

was this driver who was weaving in and out of the lanes. So, out

loud I said, 'Oh, you stupid jerk!', and immediately realized that i

had spoken out loud, and my grandson probably thought I was talking

to him! I just as immediately said - Oh, (grandson's name) I am not

talking to you, I am talking to a crazy driver who can't even hear

what I am saying. I hope you didn't think I was talking to you!.

And I added that is was silly of me to say anything, since the

person couldn't hear me. I tried to make a joke of it - my being

silly.

Sylvia

>

> c_mh13,

>

> You have probably got what we KO's call fleas. Unhealthy

behavioral reactions learned

> while living with a BP.

>

> I learned constant criticism from my nada. I struggle constantly

with being judgmental

> about everyone around me. I especially hate bad drivers. Idiot,

twit and jerkoff are my

> terms of choice. Had to modify what I used to say when I got a

little set of ears in my car.

> now I gotta learn to drop those too. Working on it.

>

> xoxo Carla

>

>......

[Guest guest]

c_mh13,

When you look at your screen when you are at this site on mine on the upper left

there is

a box that says HOME MESSAGES POST FILES PHOTOS

Click on FILES and there will be selection that says abbreviations. Some of the

words and

acronyms that are unique to us are listed here as well as the normal ones for

those that

are not up on the online shorthand. This is also where you will find the

agreements for

this board too. I printed up the abbreviations and just kept in on my desk til

I got used to

them.

xoxo Carla

> I am thinking I saw a listing of these somewhere on this message board,

> but have done a search and cannot find it!

>

> Thanks so much for your help with this,

>

> midof9

>

> >

> > im still new to this, but i have noticed that sometimes i have behaved

> > > in some of the ways my NADA has. it scares me to death. my worst

> fear

> > > is that i will become like her. i have had the rages, although

> through

> > > common sense i don't allow myself to behave like that anymore. i

> think

> > > i have split other people, and done a few other things that i think

> are

> > > horrible. although i have not been diagnosed, i honestly believe

> (after

> > > researching) that i don't have BPD and have asked other close family

> > > members to tell me what they thought and they agreed that i don't

> have

> > > it. i know that " catching " some of the behaviors of a NADA is

> common,

> > > and i think this may be the case for me. How do i stop doing these

> > > things? i have made improvement already, but some of the things i do

> > > scare me. i just DONT want to be like her. and i don't want to hurt

> the

> > > people around me. What can i do to control these habits or emotions?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

Yeah my eight year old started referring to bad drivers like mommy does. One

day someone

cut us off and he immediately said " hey you stupid idiot! " I used to drive a

truck in the Army

in Germany and some of the things I used to say then are not fit for print. I

modified my

language when I had a kid but it has been step by step. I listen to country

music and one guy

wrote a song about his four year old saying a bad word in the car. I think it

is called Watchin

you. Everyone just calls it the Buckaroo song.

xoxo Carla

[Guest guest]

in addition to understanding your mother more, you'll gain a

template for how NOT to be -- for yourself! That's what worked for

me, and it really was as simple as that. The decision that I was

going to do it differently -- I wasn't going to indulge my emotions,

at the expense of other people, like my mother.

-Kyla

This is so true! I had a sort of break thru with my therapist

recently when I realized that I pretty much never got any real

empathy from my smother. Mine's a little sneakier than most so she

acts concerned and like she wants to know about your life. The

sucker punch comes when you actually fall for it and tell her what's

going on. You get either criticism, a passive aggressive joke or no

response. A typical example: Me: " I'm not doing so hot, I've got

the flu. " Her (sarcastic jokey voice: " Well, what did you go and do

a thing like THAT for? "

At any rate realizing that she didn't empathize with me actually made

me more aware of trying to be truly present and empathetic towards

other people.

LJ