nada text me after 7mths NC

[Guest guest]

I need some advice

I have been NC since May 7, 07. My nada has called me in the past and I

simply cut her off quickly.

She apologized for what she had done but in these words, " if it was that bad

I'm sorry " .

I never explained why I left the state or why I don't even speak with her. I

believe she knows and understands

what she has done. My first step in going NC was when I hung up on her.

Since then I spoken to her maybe twice. Once when she caught me off guard

sleeping and another time when the caller ID said private.

I don't answer any of her calls otherwise. She recently text me saying " I

love you " . I didn't respond. two days later she text me again with a passage

from our sacred book. I didn't reply.

I remember her being my world when I was younger even as I grew older. When

I went NC at first I was sick to my stomach.

I would have reoccurring dreams with her same behaviors. In my dreams she

would act up yelling at me. At other times she would cry in my dreams.

Finally after being with the therapist for a while I began to realize in my

dreams that I didn't have to put up with her treating me like a child, I'm

38. My emotions were very strong in the dreams.

I was wondering if I should write her or keep on with how I'm doing now. I'm

a bit worried because my friend said to simply write " I love you too " and

leave it at that. Problem is that I don't feel I love her anymore. I feel

nothing. Numb.

I can't write a lie. Now I wonder if I ever loved her. Was it ever love? I

was enmeshed with her. Once she didn't have control over how I did things

she began doing things like me. If I had or bought anything she had to have

or do the same. I tried to keep her happy but you all know how it goes, it's

never enough.

How do you know it's time to talk? What if I never have affection for her

ever again?

She is the only family I have ever had because she isolated me. I have all

my kids tho and they want nothing to do with her.

I'm in thought wondering if I should text anything back. I know she is

trying to reach out. I also don't know if I'm ready. How did some of you

deal with this?

fina

[Guest guest]

I wrestle with the same fake " I love you " with my mother. I used to

stand in front of the greeting card section and gag at some of the

sentiments expressed to mothers, because I felt none of that for

mine.

Your mother is ramping up the drama because she senses you're

pulling away. I wouldn't text back because she isn't really

interested in hearing " I love you " back, she's merely interested in

getting you to reply! If you reply, she wins. (Unless you feel

moved to tell her you love her too -- but if it's not authentic,

then you don't have to write back.)

I'd continue ignoring her. If she catches you like she has in the

past, be vague and unemotional, and get off the phone.

Her " apology " wasn't really an apology. To say " IF it was that bad,

sorry " is one of those non-apologies that BPDs throw down. Very

typical.

My dad's weak " apology " was " Don't know what we ever did to sever

this relationship... " -- which, to me, made ME look like I was a

petulant child with absolutely NO reason to be displeased with

them. More denial of responsibility -- and projecting it on to me.

Your mother's " apology " has the same ring to it -- it almost

says " Well, if you're going to be snippy about it, I'm sorry. "

Just keep ignoring her. Unless you can devise a way to rewrite how

you deal with her. If you think you and she can handle a different

relationship, then map it out in your mind, have a battle plan or

protocol in place, THEN call her.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

Hi There,

I personally would not say I love you back if you dont feel it. I know

it feels weird, I also think back and wonder if I ever loved my nada

unlike you I was never close with her. The only way you can have

contact with her again is when you are strong enough emotionally to

set and keep boundaries. My nada blasted me back in March out of the

blue since then my feelings for her are numb. I talk to her sparingly,

didnt talk to her for a couple months this time only. I keep it light,

short, dont really tell her anything about me much just say things are

ok. basically Im very guarded. If your not ready then dont contact her

back if you want to try to set boundaries with her maybe write down

for yourself what your willing to put up with. Might help you answer

your own questions to write down what you could handle in your

relationship with her and what you cant.

Can give her the option she does xyz or you cant have a relationship

with her. just ideas Dont know if they will work.

Only you can know what will work for you and your nada.

>

> I need some advice

>

> I have been NC since May 7, 07. My nada has called me in the past and I

> simply cut her off quickly.

> She apologized for what she had done but in these words, " if it was

that bad

> I'm sorry " .

> I never explained why I left the state or why I don't even speak

with her. I

> believe she knows and understands

> what she has done. My first step in going NC was when I hung up on her.

>

> Since then I spoken to her maybe twice. Once when she caught me off

guard

> sleeping and another time when the caller ID said private.

> I don't answer any of her calls otherwise. She recently text me

saying " I

> love you " . I didn't respond. two days later she text me again with a

passage

> from our sacred book. I didn't reply.

>

> I remember her being my world when I was younger even as I grew

older. When

> I went NC at first I was sick to my stomach.

> I would have reoccurring dreams with her same behaviors. In my

dreams she

> would act up yelling at me. At other times she would cry in my dreams.

> Finally after being with the therapist for a while I began to

realize in my

> dreams that I didn't have to put up with her treating me like a

child, I'm

> 38. My emotions were very strong in the dreams.

>

> I was wondering if I should write her or keep on with how I'm doing

now. I'm

> a bit worried because my friend said to simply write " I love you

too " and

> leave it at that. Problem is that I don't feel I love her anymore. I

feel

> nothing. Numb.

> I can't write a lie. Now I wonder if I ever loved her. Was it ever

love? I

> was enmeshed with her. Once she didn't have control over how I did

things

> she began doing things like me. If I had or bought anything she had

to have

> or do the same. I tried to keep her happy but you all know how it

goes, it's

> never enough.

>

> How do you know it's time to talk? What if I never have affection

for her

> ever again?

> She is the only family I have ever had because she isolated me. I

have all

> my kids tho and they want nothing to do with her.

> I'm in thought wondering if I should text anything back. I know she is

> trying to reach out. I also don't know if I'm ready. How did some of you

> deal with this?

>

> fina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ahaahah Kyla I still stand in the card isles trying to find the one

and only card that doesnt say what a great frikkin mom she was. Dont

the card makers realize they could sell alot of cards that didnt have

all that on it to people like us ahahah

>

> I wrestle with the same fake " I love you " with my mother. I used to

> stand in front of the greeting card section and gag at some of the

> sentiments expressed to mothers, because I felt none of that for

> mine.

>

> Your mother is ramping up the drama because she senses you're

> pulling away. I wouldn't text back because she isn't really

> interested in hearing " I love you " back, she's merely interested in

> getting you to reply! If you reply, she wins. (Unless you feel

> moved to tell her you love her too -- but if it's not authentic,

> then you don't have to write back.)

>

> I'd continue ignoring her. If she catches you like she has in the

> past, be vague and unemotional, and get off the phone.

> Her " apology " wasn't really an apology. To say " IF it was that bad,

> sorry " is one of those non-apologies that BPDs throw down. Very

> typical.

>

> My dad's weak " apology " was " Don't know what we ever did to sever

> this relationship... " -- which, to me, made ME look like I was a

> petulant child with absolutely NO reason to be displeased with

> them. More denial of responsibility -- and projecting it on to me.

> Your mother's " apology " has the same ring to it -- it almost

> says " Well, if you're going to be snippy about it, I'm sorry. "

>

> Just keep ignoring her. Unless you can devise a way to rewrite how

> you deal with her. If you think you and she can handle a different

> relationship, then map it out in your mind, have a battle plan or

> protocol in place, THEN call her.

>

> -Kyla

>

[Guest guest]

You don't have to respond just because she's reaching out. If you're

not sure you're ready, don't respond. She's trying to call the

shots. The whole thing with not telling her why you're NC is a bit

complicated. I've been NC for about 2 months, and I'd love to be

able to explain why, in detail, but it involves a lot of emotions and

hurt which I know, if shared, will be twisted and manipulated to make

it appear that it's all my fault. So I have to keep reminding myself

that I can't. It's hard not to; I'd love that feeling of vindication

if she and dad would simply own up to their actions. But one of the

features of BPD is that they won't (or can't), and it would only hurt

me if I laid it all out there. It really sucks, actually, especially

when they're out telling people " We don't know why she's doing this. "

>

> I need some advice

>

> I have been NC since May 7, 07. My nada has called me in the past

and I

> simply cut her off quickly.

> She apologized for what she had done but in these words, " if it was

that bad

> I'm sorry " .

> I never explained why I left the state or why I don't even speak

with her. I

> believe she knows and understands

> what she has done. My first step in going NC was when I hung up on

her.

>

> Since then I spoken to her maybe twice. Once when she caught me off

guard

> sleeping and another time when the caller ID said private.

> I don't answer any of her calls otherwise. She recently text me

saying " I

> love you " . I didn't respond. two days later she text me again with

a passage

> from our sacred book. I didn't reply.

>

> I remember her being my world when I was younger even as I grew

older. When

> I went NC at first I was sick to my stomach.

> I would have reoccurring dreams with her same behaviors. In my

dreams she

> would act up yelling at me. At other times she would cry in my

dreams.

> Finally after being with the therapist for a while I began to

realize in my

> dreams that I didn't have to put up with her treating me like a

child, I'm

> 38. My emotions were very strong in the dreams.

>

> I was wondering if I should write her or keep on with how I'm doing

now. I'm

> a bit worried because my friend said to simply write " I love you

too " and

> leave it at that. Problem is that I don't feel I love her anymore.

I feel

> nothing. Numb.

> I can't write a lie. Now I wonder if I ever loved her. Was it ever

love? I

> was enmeshed with her. Once she didn't have control over how I did

things

> she began doing things like me. If I had or bought anything she had

to have

> or do the same. I tried to keep her happy but you all know how it

goes, it's

> never enough.

>

> How do you know it's time to talk? What if I never have affection

for her

> ever again?

> She is the only family I have ever had because she isolated me. I

have all

> my kids tho and they want nothing to do with her.

> I'm in thought wondering if I should text anything back. I know she

is

> trying to reach out. I also don't know if I'm ready. How did some

of you

> deal with this?

>

> fina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

ha ha -- an untapped market, for sure! And don't get me started on

the valentine ones with the lovers holding hands on the beach.....