Re: self-esteem

[Guest guest]

This is something I have been working on. I found it started with learning the

truth about who I am. I am a unique person created in the image of God. He

designed me just as I am and said it is good. Psalm 139:13-16 " Oh yes, you

shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank

you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I

worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every

bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted

from nothing into something.Like an open book, you watched me grow from

conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The

days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. Another verse from

the Bible that has helped me with this is " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he

is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Cor 5:17-18) " I just

try to take my thoughts captive and when I start saying or thinking, " I'm a

failure, I'll never get it right, or I'm stupid " I know this is a sign of stress

and I need to examine my life to see what I a need and what I am overdoing. Hope

this helps but it is a process that I face daily. At times it seems to get

better at other times (under stress, a move, a difficult situation) it seems to

get worse if I don't hold my thoughts captive and check myself often. The

biggest thing that helped me understand self-esteem and self-worth was when I

intergrated within my heart, mind, and spirit that GOd loves me despite

everything I have and will do. His love for me is unconditional. I didn't

receive unconditional love from my parents so my self-esteem fluctuated as their

love for me was given and withdrawn. When I set God as my focal point instead of

my parents or whoever else I have noticed my self-esteem, body image, and belief

in myself has not fluctuated.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: c_mh13@...: Mon, 31 Dec

2007 09:24:23 +0000Subject: self-esteem

i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my question is a little

different. what do all of you do to help build your self-esteem? what has worked

for you to make you feel better about yourself?

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[Guest guest]

It sounds a bit corny, but relaxation CDs with positive affirmations

were a good first step for me. Positive reinforcement from my husband

is nice, because I trust him to tell me the truth. His perception of

my positive qualities help by holding up a virtual mirror that allows

me to see myself.

At the suggestion of my therapist, I've also been working on running

positive " tapes " in my head. The idea here is to replace the negative,

critical voice in my head with a reassuring, nurturing voice. That

helps too. I'm basically replacing the voice of my actual mother with

the voice of the mother I'd like to have (and eventually be) in my head.

qwerty

>

> i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my question is a

> little different. what do all of you do to help build your self-esteem?

> what has worked for you to make you feel better about yourself?

>

[Guest guest]

Grace,

What an important point you made. Everything we do has both good and bad parts

to it. I believe however we should try to grow as we mature and focus more on

good things while still acknowledging we will never " arrive " here on earth. To

me this is freeing.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: whatacutemom@...: Mon, 31

Dec 2007 14:08:31 +0000Subject: Re: self-esteem

I posted the insecurity question, so I'm very interested in this line!Thanks for

posting about this, and putting it in a positive light.Though I really, really

struggle with it, I feel like I am makingprogress. I'm still super insecure, but

not AS BAD as I was.Here is what I find helps:1. Perspective helps. If I am

looking at my house saying, " It's somessy... I am no good at keeping this house

clean! " I stop and I thinkback to when I've really let it go, and I try to

remind myself thatit's a REAL home, not a magazine photo shoot. Once I think of

it thatway, and recall times when it has really been messy, I can start tosee

that it's actually not that bad and I am in fact doing a good job.2. Sometimes I

list things I like about myself, and I make myself comeup with ten things. Like,

" I'm funny, I take good care of my kids, Iam good at scrapbooking, etc. " (This

is enlightening, because I oftenput little caveats on things, having to qualify

things, which makes merealize that I am afraid of being cocky even if I'm just

thinking tomyself! For instance, I'll say to myself, " Well, I'm pretty... "

andthen I'll pause and think, " Ok, but not that pretty. " Or I'll think, " I'm

funny... I like that about myself, " and then I'll add, mentally, " But I can be

dumb sometimes about it.... " I shouldn't do that! Is itodd that I can't even

compliment myself without qualifying it?)3.Another self esteem boost can come

when I least expect it. Sometimesif I'm watching TV, and I see a clip with a

celebrity who isirresponsible, or if I watch a reality show (like a snotty

brideplanning her wedding and driving her fiance into debt) it will remindme of

how down to earth I am, which makes me feel good about myself. 4. For the moms

out there, I build my self esteem by looking at mykids. They are happy and

healthy. They are GORGEOUS girls (sorry, butthey are knockouts!!!). I receive

compliments on how well behaved mytoddler is, and everyone stares at my infant

and says she is just sosweet and happy (after the colic ended...). I figure hey,

I must bedoing something right in order to have created/be raising such

amazinglittle people.Those are just some thoughts. Thanks for posting... hope

this wasn'ttoo long!!!Grace>> i know there was just a post about insecurity, but my

question is a > little different. what do all of you do to help build your

self-esteem? > what has worked for you to make you feel better about yourself?>

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[Guest guest]

This thread is reminding me of a weird discovery I

made when I was home during the holidays (my dad's, no

BPD mother involved). I was cleaning out a closet and

found three letters that she wrote soon after I was

born. There was one from 5 months later and she said

some things that were just so BPD that it was almost a

parody. My favorites included:

1) You've gotten so grown-up and independent (I was 5

months!)

2) People keep telling me what a beautiful baby you

are. However, I don't want you to let this go to your

head.

And you wonder why I have self-esteem issues!

is

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[Guest guest]

" 2) People keep telling me what a beautiful baby you

> are. However, I don't want you to let this go to your

> head. "

Yes! My brother and I were both in the gifte program in school. She

wouldn't tell us that it was an IQ test we took to get in, and when

our friends did tell us, she wouldn't tell us our reults because " she

didn't want it to go to our heads. " She would hardly even tell us

what GATE stood for because she didn't want to tell us that the

school thought we were " gifted and talened. " She mentioned as an

adult that my preschool teacher thought I sung with perfect pitch.

She never encouraged me to sing, and I spent my whole life completely

untrined to sing, so by the time she mentioned it, I had convinced

myself that I am a crappy singer. I thought I was completely

talentless and ungifted, regardless of being in the program. It

didn't go to my head, did it?

When I has my daughter, I told her from the beginning that she is

smart and beautiful - because I truly believe that she is! My mother

heard me tell my infant daughter that she is smart, and she

said, " You don't want to tell her that too much when she's old enough

to understand or she'll get a big head over it. " I said, with the

protective rage of mama lion, " If she's smart, I'll tell her she's

smart. If she's pretty, I'll tell her that, too. Self esteem is not a

bad thing. " She never said it again.

> >

> > This thread is reminding me of a weird discovery I

> > made when I was home during the holidays (my dad's, no

> > BPD mother involved). I was cleaning out a closet and

> > found three letters that she wrote soon after I was

> > born. There was one from 5 months later and she said

> > some things that were just so BPD that it was almost a

> > parody. My favorites included:

> >

> > 1) You've gotten so grown-up and independent (I was 5

> > months!)

> >

> > 2) People keep telling me what a beautiful baby you

> > are. However, I don't want you to let this go to your

> > head.

> >

> > And you wonder why I have self-esteem issues!

> >

> > is

> >

> >

> >

>

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> > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> >

>