Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 i used to have really weird body issues and the single biggest thing that helped me get over them was to take life drawing classes. seeing naked people of all shapes and sizes really went a long way towards alleviating my insecurities in that area. now, instead of thinking, " wow, my knees are so fat (something nobody even notices anyway), " i think, " hey...that's a nice curve there... " > > Hi Grace, > > Yes, I have problems with being insecure as well, although I think that I am getting better with it (they were exacerbated by graduate school, where my behavior actually was being monitored much of the time. It was a strange place). I remember that one of my ex- BFs noticed that I always needed to get approval for what I was doing. While I feel like I'm getting better in friendships with this issue -- you can either accept me or not -- certainly I still have a lot of hang-ups when I am in a relationship. My last one, I was okay for the first month or so, then started getting worried that almost everything I did would be judged and found wanting. Something tells me I still need to work on this. > > Also, I have a bad relationship with body issues. I don't do anything extreme, just spend a lot of time judging myself and not being pleased with the results. > > is > > > --------------------------------- > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 I could have written this! Thank you for writing it! " I am always afraid people will judge me. Nada judged everyone. Now I am afraid that people will judge me like she judges people, because it was so ingrained in me that her outlook was " normal, " as if everyone kept score like she did. " I also have a major hang-up with the cleanliness of my home, just like several of you. I think it's a fear of judgement thing, too. Growing up, my parents never gave us chores and I only remember cleaning the house when company was coming. So I could never have my friends over because the house was a mess, according to my mom. It was a good escuse for the hermit in her. I don't remember it being overly messy, but she thought it was. My mother was the only one who cleaned much of anything on a regular basis, so we never learned how to be organized. Gave her more the whine about, I guess. So now keeping my house clean is something I struggle with, especially with 2 kids (2 and 4) and a full time job. Even when it looks pretty good, I worry that it could be better and then start the self-blame anout how it SHOULD be better. Heaven forbid if my mother comes to my house - I might as well throw the trash in the middle of my living room. She casually inspects the bathroom, a place she always manages to keep clean ih her house, and the kids' rooms. She has thing about trash and having it taken out at all times. Never by her, of course. If she perceives the smell of a wet pull-up in the bathroom trash, she lays on a guilt trip about how the children shouldn't smell that. She gave my children - along with a ton of toys and clothes - A TOILET SEAT for Christmas. I am not joking. She didn't like how the snap-on training seat scratched some paint from our toilet seat, so they wrapped one up as a " joke " present at the end. My daughter, 4, said, " What's this potty seat all about? " From the mouths of babes. I, of course, felt I had to announce to my grandparents who were witnessing this that it was their trainer seat that scratched paint from the seat and we were going to get a new one when our 2 year old was potty trained completely. I hate being made to feel like I am an inferior parent or housekeeper when I am doing my best and everyone is cared for, safe and loved! Grrr! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 I struggle with the fear of being judged, too. I'm sure my nada has had PLENTY to say about me behind my back since I've gone LC. I think my fear of what she would say behind my back has kept me from taking action in years past. And, later on, when I DID decide to ignore what she might be saying, we went into " level 2 " where she sends my dad in to verbalize how bad I am! So, I can empathize with how hard it is to shake that nada voice from your shoulder. I like a clean house, too, but my " flea " from nada came out in the form of procrastination and fear of tackling projects. I think I learned from her that you might as well not try anything -- I guess the hidden message was one of lack of confidence and fear of being judged. That's definitely my nada's way. So, she has spent her life hiding, and I battle that flea every day. It's gotten better, but it's still a big monster that haunts me and makes me feel inadequate. Ironically, I have a longtime friend who I've decided has Obsessive- Compulsive Personality Disorder, and she can't stand NOT to tackle projects! Her anxiety has caused her to be addicted to tasking, whereas it seems I am addicted to avoiding them! -Kyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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