Re: Love for Our BP-Was Anyone reading Surviving...

[Guest guest]

Sorry you guys...I didn't mean to make such a universal statement

about loving our nada's and fadas. I just need to keep in mind that

we aren't all on the same place on the same path to being a

recovering KO.

I think a better statement for me would be that I love my NADA, but I

don't like her, not one bit. does that makes sense?

> > > >

> > > > in spite of

> > > > everything, we ALL love our NADAs and FADAs really. Or at

least

> i

> > > > think we do.....isn't that what brought us all here to the

> > message

> > > > board?

> > > >

> > > > Take care,

> > > > Sara Jo

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi all, 'love' and 'forgiveness' are very tricky topics when it comes to having

a nada/fada. I

think that the most important thing is for everyone to feel completely

comfortable posting

their real feelings about bpd parents on the board--whatever those may be.

My personal opinion is that those who were physically and sexually abused by

nadas

usually don't feel 'love' as adults, and it's not fair to ask them to do so.

It's pretty much

the same for those split black. For those split white though for any

significant period of

time I think they do struggle with issues of love and loyalty, and find them

harder to let go.

This is just my observation though, and not scientific. Either way I've always

valued the

board as a safe place for KOs to be real and authentic, and to progress by

becoming

strong enough to show Love for all peoples with a capital L, contributing to the

universe in

whichever way they are meant, and saving personal affection and loyalties for

those who

do not abuse and destroy them.

--Charlie

> > > > >

> > > > > in spite of

> > > > > everything, we ALL love our NADAs and FADAs really. Or at

> least

> > i

> > > > > think we do.....isn't that what brought us all here to the

> > > message

> > > > > board?

> > > > >

> > > > > Take care,

> > > > > Sara Jo

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's perfectly OK. It's good to be able to share our similarities

and differences as well. I think that your experiences with your

nada were different than mine. Even when you are years down the path

of recognizing and protecting yourself from dysfunction, you might

still be able to feel love for your nada but see all the qualities

you dislike. In my FOO, there was very little affection

displayed...therefore it may have been easier to detach than it

otherwise would have been. Sometimes I'm glad for that, other times

I wonder if there's still something brewing underneath that will end

up erupting when I least expect it. Most of the time I feel fairly

stable, but I still compulsively overeat and haven't decided whether

that's just a really bad habit or a sign of unaddressed emotions sent

to an early grave. I guess that's something to be explored with a

new therapist in 2008.

Cheers,

Sakura

>

> Sorry you guys...I didn't mean to make such a universal statement

> about loving our nada's and fadas. I just need to keep in mind that

> we aren't all on the same place on the same path to being a

> recovering KO.

> I think a better statement for me would be that I love my NADA, but

I

> don't like her, not one bit. does that makes sense?

[Guest guest]

well said Charlie, even though we are all KO's everyone is different and

everyone has a

different experience, that is the great thing about this board, we can share

and help each

other to understand.

Growing up for me Nada was extremly high functioning. As she gets older it gets

worse

and worse. It seems everytime someone in our family dies a little piece of her

dies with

them. I don't get it, half the time she hates these people!

Happy New Year

> > > > > >

> > > > > > in spite of

> > > > > > everything, we ALL love our NADAs and FADAs really. Or at

> > least

> > > i

> > > > > > think we do.....isn't that what brought us all here to the

> > > > message

> > > > > > board?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Take care,

> > > > > > Sara Jo

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>