Re: Pain and loneliness

[Guest guest]

Hi Tina, I can really relate. I don't post very often as I am very

depressed and feel I have nothing to offer anyone in the way of

support but I thought I would reply to you.

My husband left me too. About five years ago, a year after we got

married, I herniated two lumbar discs big time and had to have spine

surgery as I couldn't even walk. Right after the surgery, my husband

became colder and more distant by the day while I struggled to

recover on my own. We broke up a year later. I am still devastated

that he did not understand the meaning of " for better or worse " . He

claims to still love me but says our health problems got in the way

for him. I was left with chronic back pain from that surgery.

Three years later I was diagnosed with advanced cancer and went

through another huge operation on my neck, which has left me with

severe neck pain. I now live alone, all my friends and family have

deserted me, I have no hope of ever finding another relationship in

this condition as I am basically housebound with pain. I have had

every kind of therapy but nothing works. I have tried every

painkiller, including Morphine and Fentanyl patch but nothing stops

this pain. Now I just take Percocet every couple of hours to dull it

down a little.

Tina, one day I was working, going out dancing, happily married, had

friends who cared, beautiful new home, great husband. I blinked my

eyes and everything was gone. I wish you all the best.

You are lucky you found a doctor who is willing to try to help you.

I live in an area where there is a critical shortage of doctors so I

have lost hope of getting any help, although I have tried very hard

to find someone. I wish you all the best and hope your new doctor

can help you.

Francine

[Guest guest]

Tina,

I am so sorry to hear that in addition to your physical pain, you now have

considerable (and warranted) emotional agony to contend with. But you sound like

a very strong person who will get through your husband's abandonment and become

even stronger in the end.

I, for one, am delighted that you've decided to " come out of the closet " and

have your physical pain addressed by a professional. While I hope that your

upcoming testing doesn't reveal anything serious, I do hope that it leads your

doctor to an understanding of your pain and the opportunity to find the proper

meds to alleviate it.

Also, I want to echo the other group member who suggested that you see a

psychiatrist or therapist. Depression seems to go hand-in-hand with chronic

pain, and I can't imagine that you aren't being dragged down by your husband's

inconsiderate and unexpected exit. There's no shame in having our emotional

issues treated along with our physical ones. In fact, depression is a very real

change in brain chemistry, and adding an antidepressant to your meds will likely

not only help you deal with the separation but also prevent your pain from

worsening and getting caught in the vicious cycle of more depression, more pain,

more depression, more pain, and on and on.

I've gone through a divorce, and even though it was my idea to end the marriage,

it was a tough time for me. I'll be more than happy to chat with you off-list

about anything: your marriage, your separation, your emotional state, your

physical ailments, or anything else. Feel free to write to me at

paula_aka_mom@....

Hugs,

a