Re: Feelings

[Guest guest]

Dear L --

Yes, I grapple with the compartmentalized feelings, too. Although,

since I've done a lot of changing and soul-searching, educating

myself on this board, and group therapy with my therapist, I've come

to be less afraid of having feelings.

But I remember it coming to me crystal clear a few years ago when my

son and daughter were almost killed by a car on the street, and I

felt almost nothing at the time -- the feelings of what had just

almost happened right in front of me were too much to bear, so I

numbed myself. But, since repressed feelings always come out

somewhere else, I would wake up in the morning with these horrible

thoughts and nightmarish feelings and they wouldn't go away until

the sun was waaaay up. I hated that time.

Your post brought up to me all the times I just shoved my feelings

down and went numb: When my mother was drunk, other family members

were drunk, when my dad wouldn't allow me to announce my engagement

at a family gathering, when my mom skipped out on my college

graduation, when she and dad turned down invitation after invitation

to do stuff with us, etc......My husband saw it and tried to get me

to see it for years. I just swallowed it and moved on -- not

feeling anything, until one Mother's Day when she turned me down

again and something in me just snapped. It was a turning point. To

mom, it was just another day, but it was life changing for me. I

finally decided that I didn't have to try hard anymore -- because

she certainly wasn't.

It's gotten easier now -- I just realize that I have to do the best

I can, not avoid important things, and trust that God will light the

way.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my therapist

asked me when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the time. I

couldn't answer her, because I have been stifiling my tears since I

can remember. She actually recommended making myself cry every now

and then to get the stress out, but I have never been able to make

that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when I feel it.

Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby and

kids and that's about it!

Cheryl

>

> Hi everyone.

>

> It has been a crazy year, and it ended with an eye opening therapy

session for me. I don't

> know how to feel any so called " bad " or negative feelings for

example sadness.

>

> It seems like I have compartmentalized everything sad in my life to

the point that when I

> think about that time, it seems like it didn't happen to me at

all. Like I am remembering

> something that happened to someone else.

>

> It was so scary to realize in therapy today that I don't allow

myself to feel sadness, I mean

> it makes sense to me, I was always the good child, the happy child,

the one that made

> everyone else feel better.

>

> What is scary is even trying to let myself feel the sadness, I

know I won't ever feel quiet

> right until I do but man the thought just gave me a shudder.

>

> Has anyone else gone through this and come out whole on the other

end or is this just way

> off the charts.

>

> to all my new friend, may 2008 bring you peace, love, and happiness.

>

> L

>

[Guest guest]

I never cried either until I had my first child. My Nada cannot cry anymore she

blames it on her " dry eyes " . I think it is her hardened heart.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: cld@...: Tue, 1 Jan 2008

04:25:02 +0000Subject: Re: Feelings

Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my therapist asked me

when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the time. I couldn't answer

her, because I have been stifiling my tears since I can remember. She actually

recommended making myself cry every now and then to get the stress out, but I

have never been able to make that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when

I feel it. Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby and kids

and that's about it!Cheryl>> Hi everyone.> > It has been a crazy year, and it ended

with an eye opening therapy session for me. I don't > know how to feel any so

called " bad " or negative feelings for example sadness. > > It seems like I have

compartmentalized everything sad in my life to the point that when I > think

about that time, it seems like it didn't happen to me at all. Like I am

remembering > something that happened to someone else. > > It was so scary to

realize in therapy today that I don't allow myself to feel sadness, I mean > it

makes sense to me, I was always the good child, the happy child, the one that

made > everyone else feel better. > > What is scary is even trying to let myself

feel the sadness, I know I won't ever feel quiet > right until I do but man the

thought just gave me a shudder.> > Has anyone else gone through this and come

out whole on the other end or is this just way > off the charts.> > to all my

new friend, may 2008 bring you peace, love, and happiness.> > L>

_________________________________________________________________

The best games are on Xbox 360. Click here for a special offer on an Xbox 360

Console.

http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/wheretobuy/

[Guest guest]

Kelley,

My nada has the opposite issue like Kyla's nada I think. I either get the

waterworks or the

silent treatment. Right now she is getting lots of attention due to the death

of her

husband. I am anticipating the increased calls when she can no longer get the

attention

she needs for her disorder.

Carla

>> Hi

everyone.> > It has been a crazy year, and it ended with an eye opening therapy

session

for me. I don't > know how to feel any so called " bad " or negative feelings for

example

sadness. > > It seems like I have compartmentalized everything sad in my life to

the point

that when I > think about that time, it seems like it didn't happen to me at

all. Like I am

remembering > something that happened to someone else. > > It was so scary to

realize

in therapy today that I don't allow myself to feel sadness, I mean > it makes

sense to me, I

was always the good child, the happy child, the one that made > everyone else

feel better.

> > What is scary is even trying to let myself feel the sadness, I know I won't

ever feel

quiet > right until I do but man the thought just gave me a shudder.> > Has

anyone else

gone through this and come out whole on the other end or is this just way > off

the

charts.> > to all my new friend, may 2008 bring you peace, love, and happiness.>

> L>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> The best games are on Xbox 360. Click here for a special offer on an Xbox 360

Console.

> http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/wheretobuy/

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

It always seemed a little weird to me that the only time I cried was in therapy.

I have been

with the same therapist now for 3 years and she is amazing. I wonder if I am

now starting

to notice since I am off my anti depressant?

What really gets me is I have no problem with laughter, I laugh all the time,

and really

hard. I guess if I could let my sadness out the same way I would be in a better

place but

honestly just thinking about it terrifies me!

L

>

> Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my therapist

> asked me when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the time. I

> couldn't answer her, because I have been stifiling my tears since I

> can remember. She actually recommended making myself cry every now

> and then to get the stress out, but I have never been able to make

> that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when I feel it.

> Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby and

> kids and that's about it!

>

> Cheryl

>

[Guest guest]

Hi L,

For a long time, I didn't cry either although I think

I have gotten better with that over the past couple of

years (maybe also because I went through some

difficult times . As for laughing, I also laugh at

just about anything, sometimes almost too much. What

I have noticed, though, is that I often use laughter

to defuse a situation. For instance, if I say

something more serious or I am worried about the other

person's reaction, then I will laugh to try and make

it seem like maybe it was a joke. I'm actually

starting to reassess when/why I laugh at some things.

is

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

sometimes i laugh so hard i sob. this isn't even a rare occurrence.

i'd say once every two weeks i can't figure out whether i still think

the situation is funny or whether i'm totally depressed.

bink

> >

> > Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my

therapist

> > asked me when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the

time. I

> > couldn't answer her, because I have been stifiling my tears since

I

> > can remember. She actually recommended making myself cry every

now

> > and then to get the stress out, but I have never been able to

make

> > that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when I feel it.

> > Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby and

> > kids and that's about it!

> >

> > Cheryl

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your post about laughter defusing a situation reminded me of a two

week trip I took this past summer.

I remember discussing in therapy that I had just taken a trip with a

friend, and whenever we got lost in unfamiliar surroundings, she

would start laughing as I checked the map. When SHE checked the

map, she always knew where we were and we never got lost. Being

geographically challenged, I sometimes got us turned around and had

to stop and consult the map. She would start laughing. I finally

looked her dead in the eye and said " Why are you laughing? " ....It

seemed so very inappropriate, not to mention a mockery of me.

Later, when I was trying to get into a hotel room and one of my bags

fell off my suitcase, she was standing behind me and started

laughing. I'd finally had enough and said " Would you please not

laugh at me? "

My therapist explained that sometimes laughter is a cover for

anxiety -- and my friend, dear as she is, has a problem not being in

control of a situation, and has trouble " rolling with it " if you hit

a glitch -- like when I got turned around and had to look at a map.

She definitely has anxiety -- she's a hoarder. Her house is piled

high with piles of things she no longer needs, but can't part with.

She loves being right -- probably because she's scared to death to

just roll with it a little. So, she laughs.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

When I was in grade school a friend of mine died in an accident while I was away

with my

family for a few weeks. When I got back the first thing I did was ask one my

classmates

where was. She giggled and replied that was dead. I did not

understand

inappropriate laughter at eight years old. I told her that was not a funny

joke and asked

again where he was and then another classmate confirmed that he had died. I did

not like

that girl for a long time after that. I barely spoke to her again until I was

14.

Carla

[Guest guest]

I don't blame you -- I'd feel the same way about that girl, too, if

it were me.

That's very sad to come back to your class as a child and find one

of your group is gone forever. That would haunt me.

-Kyla

>

> When I was in grade school a friend of mine died in an accident

while I was away with my

> family for a few weeks. When I got back the first thing I did

was ask one my classmates

> where was. She giggled and replied that was dead. I

did not understand

> inappropriate laughter at eight years old. I told her that was

not a funny joke and asked

> again where he was and then another classmate confirmed that he

had died. I did not like

> that girl for a long time after that. I barely spoke to her again

until I was 14.

>

> Carla

>

[Guest guest]

Kyla,

It does sometimes haunt me. The reason being I think that I and one of my

classmates would

have had considerably different lives had he not died.

, Mark and were the only three kids that would play with me. I had

only been

attending that school for two years. I transfered between 1st and 2nd grade.

for some reason

I was excluded from playing with the girls. (Never did figure that one out).

That summer

moved away and died. Mark never spoke to me again. I think he

just had to cut

himself off from all of it to deal.

Interesting side note. One of 's brothers has a son that is the spitting

image of . He

is about 18 or 19 years old. I saw his picture in the paper last summer. Still

feel my heart

squeeze in my chest. Painful and bittersweet.

xoxo Carla

[Guest guest]

Carla --

That is so sad -- but so sweet that his nephew looks just like him.

If only you could tell that nephew that. Makes my heart catch just

thinking about it. And it's too bad that a teacher didn't pull you

aside and tell you because she knew you guys were part of your own

social circle. I'd say it was a more pointed loss to you because he

was a friend, then suddenly was gone. Just one of those things that

got by everybody, but meant something to a little girl.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

L,

Yes, I laugh a lot also. I have a stressful life in many ways, and

the way I get rid of a lot of it is through laughter. However, there

are times when I should probably cry when I feel numb instead. Our

motions aren't normal a lot of the time, and yes, I once cried more

to my therapist than anyone else.

I also see that I now have more honest talks with my hubby about how

I am feeling, why I am short-tempered or down on myself, and so on.

I can see that this is major progress - talking to my husband

relieves a lot of the stress, and I am less of a mystery to him if I

say, " I'm feeling down on myself because the house is a mess and I

have no more energy left to clean today. It's making me grumpy. "

The mood tends to dissipate if I talk about it and we usually are

laughing by the end of a quick talk.

> > >

> > > Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my

therapist

> > > asked me when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the

time. I

> > > couldn't answer her, because I have been stifiling my tears

since I

> > > can remember. She actually recommended making myself cry every

now

> > > and then to get the stress out, but I have never been able to

make

> > > that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when I feel

it.

> > > Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby

and

> > > kids and that's about it!

> > >

> > > Cheryl

> > >

> >

>