- battling pain

[Guest guest]

--- " guess " wrote:

>I feel like I am fighting a battle with

> this pain. I know I can't let it win. I need to find away to let go of

> the past and see the positives in today.

Hi -

Your statement above really jumped out at me.

I know a lot of people get strength from the " battling pain " metaphor.

If it works for you, great.

However, after " fighting " pain for years, I realized that a " battle "

mindset was really counterproductive for me personally. I think it can

be for other people as well. Whatever works for any one person

individually is best, but maybe a change in approach will help you in

your struggles.

I realized that didn't want to be engaged in " battle " every day of my

life. It was draining and stressful and negative - and you're right,

you can't win. Plus, who really wants to be " battling " their own

body? And that is what it boils down to, really. A battle between

your mind and body. Talk about stressful! That means you're system is

under constant attack not only from the pain, but from the " failures "

you create as a result of your own expectations, and you can't sustain

that " fight-or-flight " mode for long without serious health

repercussions.

Instead, I started cooperating with my body and the pain. That's not

the same as " giving up " - a long way from it! Instead, I started

looking for ways to make my body happy instead of fighting against it.

And when I started cooperating with my body instead of fighting

constantly, my pain levels dropped. They dropped partly just from the

release of the constant stress of the battle mindset, and mostly from

the significant changes that I made simply by no longer focusing on

fighting the pain but instead on making life better.

That means acknowledging my limitations and not going past them (much

easier said than done, but that's my goa1!) That means letting go of

unrealistic expectations of myself - because in truth, there was nobody

but me pushing myself to do more than I was capable of. (Also hard to

do in reality - I was always an overachiever too! - but realizing it

lets me forgive myself when I don't accomplish everything I think I

should in a day.) It means finding positive alternatives for when and

how I would do things - for example, I may not be able to garden for

hours like I used to and create a wonderland of my landscape, but I

still get pleasure out of putting my hands in dirt and potting up a

single house plant at a time and caring for it.

I quit looking for the " fix " for my pain, and accepted that it was now

part of my life and I would have to live with it and change to

accommodate it. In my case, that's the reality - there is no " fix " for

a spinal cord injury - but certainly if potential solutions exist for

your condition you must pursue them.

I also am not suggesting that you give up trying to treat your pain -

finding a doctor to be your partner in pain management is critical. In

fact, I put together a team of my pain doctor, a psychologist trained

in pain management, a great physical therapist, a great massage

therapist - I don't see them all all the time, but if I need one

they're there. It took a while to get it all in place, and I still

make adjustments to my meds and regime all the time to fine-tune things

as my condition changes, but I quit going to appointment after

appointment, doctor after doctor, trying to find a " cure. " It was

exhausting and disappointing and frustrating and frankly useless.

I also started making a conscious effort to find joy in my life -

little moments that were worth living, that transported me out of my

pain. Helping others is a huge one - that's why I love this list! But

it can be as simple as being in the moment laughing with my dog while

she is in wriggling ecstacy over a really good back rub, or enjoying a

good cuppa with the Sunday funnies on the back porch on a beautiful

fall morning, or snuggling with my kitty in my warmest pj's and fuzzy

socks while I watch a great movie on DVD, or reading a wonderful new

book, or soaking in a hot bubble bath listening to my favorite jazz on

the radio. You get the idea!

I just consciously made the effort to quit battling. It was like a

weight had been lifted off my shoulders. No more need to run around

from doctor's appointment to doctor's appointment. No more need to

feel failure for not living up to my expectations. No more focusing on

the negative, but finding joy and letting it distract me from my pain.

My mantra has become: " The pain may be inevitable, but suffering is

completely optional! "

I'm not saying this is easy, and I'm not suggesting I'm perfect at it.

But I don't have to be - that's the point! It's not a battle - it's a

cooperation. Every time that I succeed in cooperating with my body

just makes my life better, but missing a step doesn't mean that I

failed or " lost. " It's not about winning or losing - it's the only

life I have, and I'm just living it as best I can. The result is less

pain, less depression, a better relationship with the people around me,

I became better at dealing with setbacks and roadblocks in my life

journey, and ended up with just a better all-around life.

There is a better life out there that is worth reaching for, even with

pain and all the setbacks each of us have suffered. It may not be the

life we planned - but then who really gets that, even without pain?

There is a grieving process that has to be gotten through - and the

ugly secret is that you're never finished with it. Just when you think

you're through with grieving, a new roadblock will pop up, or you'll

get a reminder of what you've lost, and you'll be right back in the

grief cycle all over again. But the good news is that you get better

and faster at getting through it with practice. Pretty soon nothing

seems like much of a roadblock any more - more like just a speed bump.

I hope something in here helps you with your own journey. As I

mentioned, if the " battle " concept really works to help make your life

better, then stick with it. But if you feel like you're constantly on

the losing side of that " battle, " then maybe it's time for a change of

perspective.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator