Re: JUST JOINED TODAY MY bpd Witch Mother attacked yesterday

[Guest guest]

Cliopatra,

I can hear your pain in this entry. Your self-awareness is a great first step

and removing yourself from your mom's grasp is going to be an important next

one. As long as she is in your life or attempts to control or direct it, you

will feel pulled away from the healthy influences you've tried to cultivate.

Reading BPD self-help books, journaling, making lists of ways you two are

similar (any positive ones you can think of) and identifying the negative things

about her you emulate (verbally attacking people for instance) can be very

helpful. Once you've identified these, you can try to isolate what triggers you

to panic or shout, what helps you to calm down and you can actively work on

trying to develop healthier habits and skills. I used to shut down at the

prospect of any kind of conflict and it has taken a lot of time and work to

develop assertive, healthy relationship skills. My first boyfriend in college

was an abusive alcoholic and we had a very dysfunctional,

codependent relationship. After him, I tried really hard to work on my stuff

(I also found a sliding scale therapist--whoever suggested that before, that was

good advice!) and I do a lot of reflecting, journaling and posting on here when

things feel bleak.

The fact that you are reaching out is a great first step and I'm sure you have

about 5,000 stories like the perfume one in your memory bank somewhere. It's

important to identify those and to think, clearly, about what a normal, kind mom

would have done differently. That's one of the first ways we move toward

recovery and get rid of our fleas (bad habits we pick up from our BPD parents).

Getting in touch with your needs will feel good and help you in your

relationship, especially if you can learn to express your needs while respecting

his. Are your sisters a good influence in your life? If you feel like they

gang up on you or also have an unhealthy relationship with your mom, pulling

away from them for the time being could be good while you try to sort your life

out.

My favorite BPD help book is 'Understanding the Borderline Mother' by

Lawson but that's just a personal preference:)

Good luck!!

cliopatra25 wrote:

Not sure yet how to work this group mess system but looking for help and

I cannot afford coucelling so I found these resources. I just found out

last year my mom had BPD a councellor in my (IN PATIENT REHAB) told me

that everything I described about my mother was exactly that of a BPD

person.

I feel like i've been on a rollercoaser most of my life and finally 7

years ago I ran away with the first boyfriend I met to escape her and

little to my knowledge did I know I was in the hands of a terrible

abuser, from mom to boyfriend I bounced back and forth being beat and

attacked by him and being verbally, emotionally and financially attacked

by her.

I did this for 7 years and finally I was almost dead from his hands and

her words, I crawled to her bedside with my black eye and bruises and

begged for help, she sent me to rehab in Arizona. MY life finally began

at the age of 26 I feel now reborn!

Just yesterday I went to visit her and she told me to f**k off and to go

get a life and that she doesn't care about me, I gave her a perfume set

for christmas and yesterday she said infront of my sisters " Maybe one

day you'll buy me something I like or even care for " .

It's still there I just need to manage it everyday and thankfully I

moved into my own apartment and i'm safe over here it's still as

painfull as ever just with more understanding.

I am so scared of turning into my mother I find myself sometimes able to

attack people verbally and especially if I drink I can def. see similar

characteristics come out!! I'm so scared of that and I have a healthy

relationship now I do not want to ruin it.