Re: Need Advice on how to handle please

[Guest guest]

I see your side Tony, it feels manipulative......

Yeah so, words got tossed back and forth in the heat of the

argument....she said some things, you said some things, it didn't

warrant that nasty letter though.

Where is your mothers apology for that letter???

If you feel the need to apologize, and are too afraid to speak to

her right now, then maybe put it in a letter or a card???

Bringing in your grandma is just as bad as brining up your dead

grandpa in that letter too. It just down right unkind!!!

Good luck Tony and let us know how it went.....drlingirl

>

> My main concern is that they see that well we can get to me

through my Grandma, so they will continue to do so. When I posted

that letter, i forget who here had kind of interpreted it for me.

And the part where my mom talked about how i should be ashamed for

using one of their friends to help do my housework, was interpreted

as my parents trying to control me through anyone that they can. So

i kind of feel like this is just another way of them to control me.

That if all that they are upset about is me calling my mom that one

bad word, then that is pretty sad. If i do appologize, i feel it is

maybe a trap to open up other ways for them to try and manipulate my

grandma into getting me to do things. I dont know if that makes any

sense. I guess i would like to be sure it is the best move for me,

and making boundaries with my parents to call them and appologize

for this, when i have gotten no sort of thing from them. Thanks for

all your input so far.

> T

>

>

> Re: Need Advice on how to handle

please

>

> Tony,

>

> I totally agree with Kyla, while difficult, it is possible to just

get off the phone.

>

> One thing I would have to be careful with for myself (this may not

apply to you) is that with

> my Nada, doesn't accept a simple anything, so I would have to

psych myself up for the event,

> almost like preparing to speak to an auditorium of 10,000.

>

> I wish you luck.

>

> Another thought, wouldn't it be great to start the New Year,

knowing you apologized, and not

> having to think about that incident any more. Kind of like tying

up all loose ends?

>

> L

>

>

>

>

>

>

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>

[Guest guest]

Tony,

This is an understandable concern. I am glad that you are

continueing to discuss this before taking any action. it seems like

you are getting more of an awareness of what you are feeling about

this. Through soul searching, only you can determine what is the

best move for you.

Here is a suggestion (though not necessarily what I would do). You

could write out an apology, that you are either going to send via

snail mail or email - or are going to say to them in person or over

the phone. In the apology, you can state that you are sorry that

you called your mother a bitch, and that you are concerned that they

have brought your grandmother into this situation which should have

remained just between you and them. You can tell them that you

expect they will not do this any more, and that they will deal

directly with you instead of bringing anyone else into the problem.

Of course, use what words are best for you and your family.

I cannot really determine what I would do in this situation. My

first inclination would be to not apologize. But my feelings for

the other person (in this case, your grandmother) would be a

factor.

I feel that you are really in a quandry, and that there may not be a

solution that is the best for all concerned. Is this when we go to

the lesser of evils? I know you are seriously considering what you

should do. Once your decision is made, understand it is the best

decision you could have made based upon the current situation.

Don't go back later and try to second guess yourself - or beat

yourself up, either. Life is not static, and one decision or action

does not make or break anyone - it is the cumulative effect.

I wish you the best in working through this problem,

Sylvia

>

> My main concern is that they see that well we can get to me

through my Grandma, so they will continue to do so. When I posted

that letter, i forget who here had kind of interpreted it for me.

And the part where my mom talked about how i should be ashamed for

using one of their friends to help do my housework, was interpreted

as my parents trying to control me through anyone that they can. So

i kind of feel like this is just another way of them to control me.

That if all that they are upset about is me calling my mom that one

bad word, then that is pretty sad. If i do appologize, i feel it is

maybe a trap to open up other ways for them to try and manipulate my

grandma into getting me to do things. I dont know if that makes any

sense. I guess i would like to be sure it is the best move for me,

and making boundaries with my parents to call them and appologize

for this, when i have gotten no sort of thing from them. Thanks for

all your input so far.

> T

>

>

........