Oh No another Cindy..... an introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello my name is but I go buy Sue on most boards because

seems to be a popular name. I am 33 an unmarried gal living

with my boyfriend of 5 years just outside Portland Oregon.

I suffer from Chronic daily migraines. I recently conducted an ill fated

experiment on myself after catching baby fever. I decided to stop taking one of

my daily preventative meds as well as my antidepressant, because I was hell bent

on having a child.

I had gastric Bypass September 25th 2006 for everything but vanity, at that time

I was having one to 2 minor headaches a week and maybe one migraine a month.

I weighed 422lbs at my highest weight and suffered from Diabetes, Acid reflux,

edema, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and PCOS. I had to

lose 20 lbs before my surgery and have lost 82 lbs since and I'd feel great if

not for the dramatic up swing

in my migraines.

I no longer have diabetes, acid reflux, the edema is gone, my sleep apnea is

resending, no more high cholesterol or high blood pressure and I can finally

take a bath and have room for water and myself.

However my head pain has never ever been worst. I have never had to take daily

preventative meds.

For the most part I just grinned and bear it as I never responded to rescue

meds, triptans and the like and pain meds always made me feel good for about 30

minutes then I instantly felt worst so I just didn't take them. If things truly

got bad I went to the ER which was about 5 to 6 times a year for nearly 4 years.

I see life now as before surgery and after surgery. I went for 3 weeks after

surgery with no headache and the first one was minor. Other then the surgery

very little has changed in my life.

I do not understand why now, when things are truly going my way that I have to

be stricken. I was doing quite well taking my daily cocktail of preventative

meds, being productive ( I am disabled due to my migraines) appearing happy and

losing weight.

Then 2 dear friends of mine had pregnancy scares, both negative and my dearest

friend from high school gave birth to her first child. The biggest reason I had

Gastric bypass was infertility.

when people wish on stars for their hearts content my wish is never fame and

fortune it is the one thing that has eluded me, a child. not that I am rich or

famous or would care to be but what I want with every breath I take is a child.

So I started on my journey after being convinced by my migraine doctor to go on

Birth control because 2 of the meds I am taking Topamax and cymbalta can cause

severe and profound birth defects.

I got home and pondered this I was pissed and so I rebelled I stopped both. I

threw myself into a tail spin it is now almost 2 weeks later and by the 6th day

I was in so much pain I couldn't see straight and had given up swallowing a hand

full of pills triptans, pain pills, as well as my daily preventatives I had been

avoiding.

I have been back on them now for nearly a week and I am still hurting,

suffering, it is unrelenting. The soonest I can get into see my migraine doctor

is Wednesday and I am going to ask her a series of questions.

Topamax is causing me to lose my hair and it makes me mean. that is why I had

started cymbalta but I have never been able to take anti depressants without

suffering the sexual side effect, not the loss of labido rather the inability to

climax.

I took the anti depressant begrudgingly because I love my boyfriend and chewing

on him like a rabid dog with a pork chop was no longer an

option.

The cymbalta gave me a headache for a week. when I started back up on the

topamax I did not want to take the antidepressant again. Not that particular one

anyway.

I did some research today and I am going to ask her about a few I looked up

Serzone, lexapro and wellbutrin. Each having low rates of sexual dysfunction and

low incidents of weight gain.

I also have an appointment on Monday to see my regular doctor on a separate

issue ( I some how injure my knee) and I am going to ask her 1.) for birth

control and 2.) for a round of steroids hoping to kick myself out of this cycle

of pain.

I would assume I would be feeling better now back on all my meds but I am not. I

think I have squelched my baby fever now.

I know I need to take care of myself and focus on my health and my weight loss

but the need in me is strong and I have never been much on depriving myself of

anything 422lbs doesn't just happen over night.

I am sad and I am suffering and I feel slighted, why is life so unfair and some

how I can't help but blame myself although I do not know what I could have done

to cause this.

I have always thought if I worked hard enough I could fix anything, I am

working, hard. and I am far from fixed.

Sorry to ramble on so.

Sue