Re: JUST JOINED TODAY MY bpd Witch Mother attacked yesterday

[Guest guest]

Cliopatra,

Hello and welcome. I am glad you have found this forum. You will

get a great deal from reading posts and posting yourself.

I am glad that you are out of the abusive relationship and on your

own. Do you have other support resources, since you can't afford

therapy? Is there a possibility that you can find a therapist that

works on a sliding scale?

Based on what you have written, I think that you need to stay

focused on yourself and giving to yourself what you need to remain

healthy. Your mother has indicated that she doesn't want you around

her. The way she reacted to your gift is not how a loving parent

treats his/her children. As painful as that is, it could be a

blessing in disguise for you at this time. Many of us have learned

that we did our best healing when we were not in contact with our BP

parent.

Take care of yourself, don't accept abuse from anyone, work your own

program, (rinse and repeat). Keep on reading on this forum - there

is a wealth of information here. Post whenever you need to.

Sylvia

>

>

> Not sure yet how to work this group mess system but looking for

help and

> I cannot afford coucelling so I found these resources. I just

found out

> last year my mom had BPD a councellor in my (IN PATIENT REHAB)

told me

> that everything I described about my mother was exactly that of a

BPD

> person.

>

> I feel like i've been on a rollercoaser most of my life and

finally 7

> years ago I ran away with the first boyfriend I met to escape her

and

> little to my knowledge did I know I was in the hands of a terrible

> abuser, from mom to boyfriend I bounced back and forth being beat

and

> attacked by him and being verbally, emotionally and financially

attacked

> by her.

>

> I did this for 7 years and finally I was almost dead from his

hands and

> her words, I crawled to her bedside with my black eye and bruises

and

> begged for help, she sent me to rehab in Arizona. MY life finally

began

> at the age of 26 I feel now reborn!

>

> Just yesterday I went to visit her and she told me to f**k off and

to go

> get a life and that she doesn't care about me, I gave her a

perfume set

> for christmas and yesterday she said infront of my sisters " Maybe

one

> day you'll buy me something I like or even care for " .

>

> It's still there I just need to manage it everyday and thankfully I

> moved into my own apartment and i'm safe over here it's still as

> painfull as ever just with more understanding.

>

> I am so scared of turning into my mother I find myself sometimes

able to

> attack people verbally and especially if I drink I can def. see

similar

> characteristics come out!! I'm so scared of that and I have a

healthy

> relationship now I do not want to ruin it.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I too find myself at times reacting to things in a way that reminds me of my

mother. I think this will always happen but with much planning and practice I

can overcome those harmful reactions over time. However, I'm not sure the

temptation to react in an unhealthy way will ever completely be removed. I think

what you are feeling is normal and I have heard many in this group verbalize the

same things. Glad you have found this forum.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: smhtrain2@...: Sat, 29 Dec

2007 15:13:37 +0000Subject: Re: JUST JOINED TODAY MY bpd

Witch Mother attacked yesterday

Cliopatra,Hello and welcome. I am glad you have found this forum. You will get a

great deal from reading posts and posting yourself. I am glad that you are out

of the abusive relationship and on your own. Do you have other support

resources, since you can't afford therapy? Is there a possibility that you can

find a therapist that works on a sliding scale? Based on what you have written,

I think that you need to stay focused on yourself and giving to yourself what

you need to remain healthy. Your mother has indicated that she doesn't want you

around her. The way she reacted to your gift is not how a loving parent treats

his/her children. As painful as that is, it could be a blessing in disguise for

you at this time. Many of us have learned that we did our best healing when we

were not in contact with our BP parent. Take care of yourself, don't accept

abuse from anyone, work your own program, (rinse and repeat). Keep on reading on

this forum - there is a wealth of information here. Post whenever you need to.

Sylvia >> > Not sure yet how to work this group mess system but looking for help

and> I cannot afford coucelling so I found these resources. I just found out>

last year my mom had BPD a councellor in my (IN PATIENT REHAB) told me> that

everything I described about my mother was exactly that of a BPD> person.> > I

feel like i've been on a rollercoaser most of my life and finally 7> years ago I

ran away with the first boyfriend I met to escape her and> little to my

knowledge did I know I was in the hands of a terrible> abuser, from mom to

boyfriend I bounced back and forth being beat and> attacked by him and being

verbally, emotionally and financially attacked> by her.> > I did this for 7

years and finally I was almost dead from his hands and> her words, I crawled to

her bedside with my black eye and bruises and> begged for help, she sent me to

rehab in Arizona. MY life finally began> at the age of 26 I feel now reborn!> >

Just yesterday I went to visit her and she told me to f**k off and to go> get a

life and that she doesn't care about me, I gave her a perfume set> for christmas

and yesterday she said infront of my sisters " Maybe one> day you'll buy me

something I like or even care for " .> > It's still there I just need to manage it

everyday and thankfully I> moved into my own apartment and i'm safe over here

it's still as> painfull as ever just with more understanding.> > I am so scared

of turning into my mother I find myself sometimes able to> attack people

verbally and especially if I drink I can def. see similar> characteristics come

out!! I'm so scared of that and I have a healthy> relationship now I do not want

to ruin it.> > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Welcome -- I'm so glad you're finally free of your abuser and have a

place of your own.

At this point, if I were you, I'd have nothing more to do with my

mother. She has proven, through her words AND her actions, that she

is not a MOTHER. She's abusive -- instead of enriching your soul,

she steals from it.

I would urge you to read some of the materials on taking care of

yourself -- Surviving the Borderline Parent, Understanding the

Borderline Mother, etc.

Since you have a history of linking up with abusers, I'd find some

other books that deal with that issue as well. Join the local

library if your funds are short. One book in particular that I'm

thinking of is Dr. Schlessinger's " Bad Childhood, Good life " .

You CAN build a great life for yourself and leave the bad behind. I

don't have any fear that you'll turn into your mother -- if you're

doing this much soul-searching, then you're probably not suffering

from a personality disorder.

All you have to do is make the decision that you're going to cut

people like your mother from your life, that you deserve a life free

of abuse, that you're not here on this earth to be a target of

abusers, and that you can choose what kind of life you want and then

go out and get it. If I were you, I'd start with breaking away from

a mother who says such vile things as your mother said to you. Just

because she gave birth to you doesn't mean you have to stand there

and take abuse from her. Doesn't make her a " mother " . Any idiot

can produce a child. It takes someone special to be a " mother " .

Your mother isn't fitting the bill -- I'd get a way from her to save

yourself.

I'm glad you're here -- I wish you the best in your road to

healing.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

Hi Cliopatra,

I have learned that there is nothing in the world we can do to change

these people. It's as if they are a recording of some sort and it's

stuck. They can't see their way out and there's nothing we can do about

this. So how can we make this different?

What I have done is changed myself. This is the only thing in this

existence that I have control over. I realized first I needed to find

out who I am. I have found that most children of BPDs don't have a

good sense of who they are. It is my guess it's because we are

bombarded with wounding, offensive, snide, and insulting comments as to

our personalities, we start to believe these insults, and loose touch

with who we are.

I found the best way to change my attitude and fortitude is through

meditation. This method has helped me get in touch with who I am, learn

to distinguish my inferior learned behavior, and built, for lack of a

better description, a protection shield. I was better equipped to

endure her merciless banter during the holidays. Not reacting to her

unpleasantness puts a new spin on things.

Another thing I do is I limit the time I spend with her. Her negative

energy is draining and I have been known to be physically ill after a

visit with her. I only do holidays and one weekend in the summer/fall

season. I have found that limited short visits works well because she

is on her best behavior to get me to come back (she loves telling all

her friends that her children are in for a visit). By the time I

become aggravating to her I am leaving.

I realize it isn't fair that it is WE who have to do the changing

when it's THEM who are the perpetrators. Shouldn't they be the

ones who do the work to make the changes? They are the parents after

all and the ones entrusted with our innocence. Well they aren't

going to do it. Your duty is to protect yourself and make it possible

for you to move past your BPD parent. They are going to stay stuck but

you can grow and flourish.

Below are some websites that are dedicated to meditation. They

don't try to sell you anything and are free. Both sites have great

beginner methods of meditations.

http://www.meditationcenter.com/connect/mantra.html

<http://www.meditationcenter.com/connect/mantra.html>

http://www.meditateforlife.com/index.html

<http://www.meditateforlife.com/index.html>

Namaste!

Pamela

>

>

> Not sure yet how to work this group mess system but looking for help

and

> I cannot afford coucelling so I found these resources. I just found

out

> last year my mom had BPD a councellor in my (IN PATIENT REHAB) told me

> that everything I described about my mother was exactly that of a BPD

> person.

>

> I feel like i've been on a rollercoaser most of my life and finally 7

> years ago I ran away with the first boyfriend I met to escape her and

> little to my knowledge did I know I was in the hands of a terrible

> abuser, from mom to boyfriend I bounced back and forth being beat and

> attacked by him and being verbally, emotionally and financially

attacked

> by her.

>

> I did this for 7 years and finally I was almost dead from his hands

and

> her words, I crawled to her bedside with my black eye and bruises and

> begged for help, she sent me to rehab in Arizona. MY life finally

began

> at the age of 26 I feel now reborn!

>

> Just yesterday I went to visit her and she told me to f**k off and to

go

> get a life and that she doesn't care about me, I gave her a perfume

set

> for christmas and yesterday she said infront of my sisters " Maybe one

> day you'll buy me something I like or even care for " .

>

> It's still there I just need to manage it everyday and thankfully I

> moved into my own apartment and i'm safe over here it's still as

> painfull as ever just with more understanding.

>

> I am so scared of turning into my mother I find myself sometimes able

to

> attack people verbally and especially if I drink I can def. see

similar

> characteristics come out!! I'm so scared of that and I have a healthy

> relationship now I do not want to ruin it.

>

>

>

>

>

>