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It is so hard for me to post because my mother caused such great

anxiety in my life that I question so many of my moves, but I do feel

the need to reach out. I have just decided to end my relationship

with my mother (who I now refer to as RG and not mother).

Unfortunatly this also ment ending my relationship with my father.

For years he has delt with her disorder but, stays put and obeys.

Because I have my own child and husband I can not take on the worries

and complaints he has anymore. I guess what I am needing to verify

is, does my mother really have this personality disorder and am I

doing the correct thing by ending the relationship? I have been told

by a therpaist that she does have a personality disorder and friends

and family agree. It did come to the point last Christmas that my

brother, father, and I agreed to tell her she needed to admit herself

for help or all relationships would end. Well, just at the perfect

moment she came around to spread these tenicles that pull everyone

back in. I do not know how much I should share and shouldn't to have

someone support me on ending the relationship (I know there are no

yes or no answers). Just to share a few things.....Growing up things

were odd (my brother will say emtionally abusive). My mother seemed

to be particuarly mean to my brother I remember one winter night, he

was about 8, she sent him with his suitcase walking through the snow,

telling him to leave and not come back. She made my father cut all

ties with his family saying they were not good for him and she was

the one who made him better. She would constantly call my friends

mother's and my teacher's to yell at them for something. I remember

being in 6th grade, sitting in the principals office her telling the

principal I had a kidney disease and the teacher had better let me

use the bathroom at any moment. This all came about because the

teacher gave us periodic bathroom breaks during the day. I did not

have a kidney disease and she made things awful between my teacher

and I. She constantly told me I was a " little snot. " Finally, by

7th grade I had been diagnosed with cancer and just sort of flowed

through the next few years. It is funny, but thank god I had a few

years of peace when I had to live in the hospital. Back in high

school again things were odd. She would never help my brother and I

buy clothes or things for school, even when we were little. Thank

god I had a grandmother who would step in and do this for us. Of

course she treated my grandparents just as bad. One time around

Christmas they stopped by for a visit and she screamed and yelled

telling them that this time was her time with us kids and to leave.

The wonderful person she is, she then made my father call my

grandparents as she stood there telling him to say that he also had

not wanted them to stop by. She does this to him, saying she will

leave if he doesn't follow her instructions. Unfortunatly, my father

has a heart condition, does not work, and needs her health

insurance. She sent me to college saying I had to pledge a sority,

so yes I did. Then she took away my car saying she did not want me

to have it at school, I could not make it to study hours or

functions so I had to quit the sority. When I wanted my car back,

she said no she was paying for my college and I had to do what she

said. Come to find out she filled out the financial aid papers for

me and she was not spending a dime. She pushed me to a divorce with

my first husband, constantly telling me his family was not good for

me (funny thing is, looking back they had a very successful business

and shared many things with me). She accussed my current husband's

sister of stealing, causing his family grief. The final straw was

this past weekend. My son went to stay with her for the weekend. I

had talked to her, things seemed good, I said I was going to take a

bath and go to bed, thanking her for the break. When I got out of

the bath there was this message, " I do not know what you or Ron's

problem is but, you need to get your sh** together because you are

not raising your child right. I called her back and asked what was

going on. While she was on the phone with me, my son (he is three)

had thrown some things off her dresser and the pillows from the bed

on the floor. I told her I was sorry, offered to come get him. I

also asked her to not leave messages like she had or speak to me in

that manner, well that did not go over well. So, I told her I was

done with the relationship. She drove my son home and my husbund

took him in without speaking a word to my mom and I refused to see

her. My son now for two days has complained of his hand hurting

because grandma did something to it. He also told us he was spanked

twice by her and it made him cry. It breaks my heart. I should have

known not to send him there, never to let her hurt him the way she

has me. I am sorry for the long email, I could go on and on. Can

anyone give me words of advice or comfort? Thank you.