Christmas

[Guest guest]

I think I have things under control, then she totally flips me out.

Nada has had another fight with her boyfriend and wants to come to our

house Friday for the Christmas holidays because she isn't going to

spend another long weekend by herself. " Is that too early? " She

caught me unawares, and all I could think to say was " Well, a little.

Saturday would be better. " I had myself mentally prepared for her

arrival Sunday, and leaving Wednesday, as she usually does. (she

lives 3 hours away.) Then she started in on another of many stories

about the boyfriend, and I practically hung up on her. Oh, and the

beginning of the conversation was her irritation because I hadn't

given her explicit instructions on what to buy me for Christmas. I

asked for a donation to charity last year and she acted like I wanted

her to throw her money in a well.

I got off the phone 3 hours ago and I still want to throw up. She's

73 and thinks of herself as the hottest thing around. She has to have

a man on the string, and he must look and dress like he has a lot of

CLASS. That's her big word. She's dumped really nice guys for

obnoxious jerks who don't have a penny to rub together, like the

current old goat. She could have remarried several times after she

divorced my father, but she'd rather stay single and have herself a

pity party on every holiday. Oh, and every Sunday, too. Did you know

that every other person in Dallas has family that they go to church

with? She's the only person in the whole city who doesn't spend every

Sunday with her children. It's a fact. She tells me so every few

months.

How do I get through this visit? She lives alone, in a city with no

relatives, and I'm the only child. We left town Thanksgiving, in part

to keep her from visiting. Only one of my sons will be here this

year, and he and my husband just disappear into another part of the

house and only surface for meals. She is constantly in my face. She

has to be in whatever room I'm in. She has nothing to talk about,

because I put a stop years ago to listening to her mean stories about

her sisters. She doesn't read, barely watches TV, and will have her

horrible dog with her. She bites verbally; he bites literally.

For years I alternated Christmases with her and my father; once he

passed away she expects to be here every year. She doesn't ask if

she's invited, she just asks if we're going to be here. And even

though they think she's crazy, my boys would think I was awful if she

wasn't included. Nobody understands how awful a NADA makes her child

feel except another kid of. Even my husband, who thinks she's a crazy

bitch and who first told me he thought she was BPD, doesn't really

understand how upset I am.

Coping strategies, anyone? I would be very happy if I never ever saw

her again, never listened to another lie, to another story about how

all the men at the senior center think she's beautiful, or listened to

another veiled criticism of me.

What can I do now to calm myself down? I cannot tell her not to come;

that isn't an option.

Thanks for any ideas,

Wisteria.