Re: Re: abuser gets what he wants – his kids detach and abandon him to his great rel

[Guest guest]

That is so Woody .

Re: abuser gets what he wants – his kids detach

and abandon him to his great rel

weird. my mom's favorite grandparent wrote kids off after the age of

4. they only started to have a relationship again when she had me.

weirdness. i don't know if this is why i have the exact opposite

feeling towards kids: i like the ones who can talk. they can tell me

what they want and what is bothering them. hell, i'm a middle school

teacher and think the kids are great.

people have suggested that this is because i don't have kids, but i

inherited my baby sister at the age of 10 while she was in the throes

of her " terrible " twos. didn't bother me too much. i just got her a

leash. seriously. she tried to kill herself one too many times (gave

me a friggin' coronary trying to get herself run over....almost

succeeding), so i pretty much demanded a harness and leash for her.

it worked pretty well. she was tied to me, but still had freedom to

move around in an 8' diameter circle. she also would pretend that she

was a puppy dog sometimes, too. i have to say that if you're a 10 yr

old kid raising a 2 yr old kid, leashes are AWESOME!

hahahaha, i just reread this post and it seems like the type of thing

that should be in a black comedy.

bink

> > >

> > > Has anyone read Malignant Self Love? The woman who wrote

> Boomerang

> > Love

> > > recommended it to me. I just ordered it only - expensive, even

> the

> > used copy

> > > I got was over $50.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I wanted to share this section from his website at

> > > http://samvak. tripod..com/ abuse13.html

> > >

> > > Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or

> confronting

> > him. They

> > > are perfect, malleable and abundant Sources of Narcissistic

> Supply.

> > The

> > > narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous

> > relations

> > > with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced

> and

> > > dependent " bodies " .

> > >

> > > Yet, the older the offspring, the more they become critical, even

> > > judgemental, of the abusive parent. They are better able to put

> > into context

> > > and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to

> anticipate

> > his

> > > moves. As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the

> > mindless

> > > pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what

> he

> > has done

> > > to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance.

> > They can

> > > gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which,

> usually,

> > lag far

> > > behind the claims that he makes.

> > >

> > > This brings the abusive parent back a full cycle. Again, he

> > perceives his

> > > sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and

> > devaluing.

> > > He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and

> cold,

> > rejects

> > > any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the

> > > preciousness and scarceness of his time.

> > >

> > > He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and

> > claustrophobic. He

> > > wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have

> > become

> > > totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand

> > why he has

> > > to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes

> himself

> > to have

> > > been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

> > >

> > > He rebels either passively-aggressiv ely (by refusing to act or by

> > intentionally

> > > sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly

> critical,

> > > aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and

> so

> > on).

> > > Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in

> > conspiracy

> > > theories with clear paranoid hues.

> > >

> > > To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek

> to

> > > belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him,

> or

> > stymie

> > > his growth. The abuser usually finally gets what he wants – his

> > kids detach

> > > and abandon him to his great sorrow, but also to his great relief.

> > >

> > >

> > >