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thanks to everyone who responded to my post about trust. i really took

everything into consideration and really appreciate it.

im still new to this, but i have noticed that sometimes i have behaved

in some of the ways my NADA has. it scares me to death. my worst fear

is that i will become like her. i have had the rages, although through

common sense i don't allow myself to behave like that anymore. i think

i have split other people, and done a few other things that i think are

horrible. although i have not been diagnosed, i honestly believe (after

researching) that i don't have BPD and have asked other close family

members to tell me what they thought and they agreed that i don't have

it. i know that " catching " some of the behaviors of a NADA is common,

and i think this may be the case for me. How do i stop doing these

things? i have made improvement already, but some of the things i do

scare me. i just DONT want to be like her. and i don't want to hurt the

people around me. What can i do to control these habits or emotions?

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Don't feel alone in that -- I've done all that you listed, too.

Somehow, once I found out about BPD in my mother and started to

understand that it's " emotions gone wild " , I started to be more

perceptive about my own reactions to daily life. I started to be

aware of my ability to regulate my own emotions -- to be calmer with

my kids, with my husband, no more raging at him when I'm really

angry, speaking up when it's warranted, forgiving myself for not

being perfect, etc.....

It all worked together, and over the course of about 18 months, my

behavior truly changed -- it calmed down. I was a better wife and

mother -- realized I could handle whatever came my way without being

a screech hag, or screaming, drama-addicted mother. I could just

give of myself and be me. I'm a different person now.

I know you can be, too. Read some of the books recommended here --

in addition to understanding your mother more, you'll gain a

template for how NOT to be -- for yourself! That's what worked for

me, and it really was as simple as that. The decision that I was

going to do it differently -- I wasn't going to indulge my emotions,

at the expense of other people, like my mother.

-Kyla

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