Re: Have I invalidated my Nada?

[Guest guest]

ii think the problem is that our moms and dads want us as children to

understand and validate their experiences when we're little kids. when

we can't, they turn on us. personally, i think it would be much more

invalidating to try to maintain a close relationship while holding onto

improbable expectations. in a way, that seems like invalidation to me

because we're going on what we want from our parents and not what are

parents actually are. plus, the sheer levels of validation required to

keep my mom placated are above and beyond what i am capable of

providing and a thousand, " it'll be okay's " will be forgotten at just

one, " hold on there a minute... "

i guess my point is that even if i try my hardest to validate her and

her feelings, i think it's a setup because she will come away from the

situation feeling invalidated and even though she projects onto me, i

know it's not me doing the invalidation.

hope this makes sense...

bink

>

> I just realized I have been so torn, angry, and upset about how I was

> invalidated by my Nada and father all my life and now I wonder if I

> didn't do the same thing to them. After all we live how we learn and

I

> learned from some of the best. After I finally opened up to my

parents

> about my perception instead of just telling them what they wanted or

> believed they needed to hear I felt validated. At the same time I

> listened to their pain and it brought further healing. As a parent it

> is so hard to balance being the authority and at the same time

> bringing in your humanness to the relationship.

>

> Kelley

>

[Guest guest]

Bink, I just read this. Boy, did you ever hit it right. All it takes

is one time, and all your previous work is forgotten. That's why I

don't really try any more.

wisteria

> >

> > I just realized I have been so torn, angry, and upset about how I was

> > invalidated by my Nada and father all my life and now I wonder if I

> > didn't do the same thing to them. After all we live how we learn and

> I

> > learned from some of the best. After I finally opened up to my

> parents

> > about my perception instead of just telling them what they wanted or

> > believed they needed to hear I felt validated. At the same time I

> > listened to their pain and it brought further healing. As a parent it

> > is so hard to balance being the authority and at the same time

> > bringing in your humanness to the relationship.

> >

> > Kelley

> >

>