Re: I couldn't believe my ears-to all

[Guest guest]

I have read all the replies, and really appreciate the input. I just

wish all of you could meet my daughter when she is in a " mood " .

Here is a list of the DSM-IV criteria for ODD, and believe me, it

fits my daughter to a " T " : first off, it says, a pattern of

negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior, in which 4 of the

following present-often loses temper; often argues with adults;

often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or

rules; often deliberately annoys people; often blames others for

his/her mistakes or misbehaviors; is often touchy or easily annoyed

by others; is often angry or resentful; is often spiteful or

vindictive.

This is a child who, now that she has her license, will take one of

our cars after we are asleep, without permission, and after curfew,

or go to someone's house, and spend the night, also without us

knowing until morning. Her excuse " I didn't want to wake you up and

make you mad. " We have told her countless times that she is not to

leave after we go to bed, especially after curfew, or if she leaves

before curfew, that she's to wake us up and tell us-I'm not sure

where she got the idea she'd make us mad by waking us up!

Punishing her doesn't work either. We've tried everything. Taking

away priviledges, refusing to speak to her unless she uses a normal,

pleasant tone, we've tried everything. One time, my husband said

something nice to her, or did something nice, and she said " You're

just being nice to me so I'll hate you less! " We have never really

believed in corporal punishment, but I admit that there have been a

few times I'd have liked to put her across my knees!

If Keeley doesn't take her medication, and sometimes even when she

IS, she still fits 99% of this diagnostic criteria. No, I don't

believe she is angry at me for having a chronic illness, but she will

definitely use it as a tool to hurt me. However, it's only been

since the Thanksgiving fiasco (where my niece tried to tell some of

my family, parents included, that I was a coke head-as if! She just

had to find a reason why I was losing weight and she was gaining!),

and actually last night, that she make the first comment about the

Oxycontin.

It's not that she's unaware of what Fibro is, or what it can do. My

SIL's ex-boyfriend had juvenile Fibro, HER ex-boyfriend's mom has

Fibro, and one of her friend's mom's has it too. When she was dating

the boy whose mom has Fibro, he asked her if I used it to " get out of

doing things " , and she said no, that I do as much as I can. And she

was really proud last year when I was in the paper speaking about

National Fibro Awareness Day.

But last night, she made the comment " Can't you stand a little pain

for a while? " , and with the tone she used, it made me realize, she

has absolutely not one shred of sympathy, and when I said I wasn't

just in a " little bit " of pain, that I'd been in pain since an hour

after we left the house (we were gone for almost 5 hours), she just

shut down and didn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to hear how

little I take anymore, or that every med I take is NOT an

Oxycontin.

As for the worry that she might someday get it, I worry about it

too. I've made a " silent arrangement " with the doctor, and he does a

tender point exam whenever she is in there. And with my niece, there

really is no neutral party! Pretty much everyone except her mom and

her husband are mad at her, and I wouldn't call them neutral at all!

I've flat out told her that I don't want her to have any contact with

my daughter, because all she does is fill her head full of BS, and

things she knows nothing about. She was working hard on getting my

daughter to resent me.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I adore my daugthers. I would go

without so they could have, and I'm proud of everything they have

accomplished. They've been told and shown every single day of their

lives that they are loved and wanted. It sunk in with my youngest,

who is soon to be 14, and I hope that somewhere in that brain of my

16 year old, she knows it too, even if she doesn't seem to act like

it.

I'll admit, I get angry and frustrated with her, and she has brought

me to tears more than one time, but I don't blame her for having bad,

and vindictive information being put into her head. Up until last

night, my medication was never even a topic of discussion. One

minute, she was all happy with the things she bought with her

Christmas money, the next she was turning on me. I was kinda

dumbfounded, like " What the heck just happened? " .

I need to convince her to go back to therapy, rather than just going

to see the psych, because she has a lot of issues she needs to work

out!

Jen Z.