Thanks for all of your support

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thanks for all of the support, advice, and

encouragement you all have offered over the last several months,

particularly this past week. It finally hit me last night that the

reason that email hurt so much was because, deep down, I was still

hanging on to hope that nada would see her evil ways and be sorry and

change. My mind has known for awhile now that this just is not

possible, but I guess that's what it took for my heart and soul to

finally accept it.

Strangely, I am more excited about decorating for Christmas and

Christmas itself this year than I have ever been. I think it may be

because I don't have ANY guilt about not going to see them like she

always laid on thick this time of year. Ahhhhhh.....

I haven't seen a therapist once through all of this, and I'm still on

the fence about whether or not I want to go, but I'm seriously

contemplating it. I think I may need some help and guidance in

learning to deal with the pain and let it go, rather than " dealing "

with it and then tucking it away to raise its ugly head again in a few

years. I'm so nervous about going to a therapist though. I called one

here in my local area, and asked if he had treated patients with BPD,

and his assistant said " most certainly " . So I think that's a good

sign. I've tried to find one that specializes in it, but there's not

one, so I think this guy might be my best bet. However, I'm terrified

that I'm going to go in there, tell him my story, and he'll tell me

it's my fault that things are the way they are. I know that's not

true, but hearing it from a doctor who treats patients that have it

would just bring on all these doubts about myself, I'm afraid. Any

advice? Also, for those of you who are in or have been in therapy,

would you recommend just a " counselor " or a psychiatrist? The guy I

mentioned is a psychiatrist. My thinking is that a psychiatrist might

have more training in personality disorders than a counselor would,

but I'm not sure. Can you lend some advice?

Thanks, I'm making place mats today. lol