2 year NC has turned into 10 years

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted in a LONG time. Some of you might remember my story. If not,

here we go...My BP sis and Nada and I had the LAST triangulation trauma that we

will ever go through again. Sis was admitted into Baker Acting after cops were

going to hull her away for breaking and entering a neighbor's home at 4 am after

a drug-induced binge. Her 2 children, at the time, were 6, 2 and 6 months.

When the cops came, and hauler her and her drug- addicted 3rd husband away, they

almost put the 3 kids into Child Protective Services. If it wasn't for my Nada

coming to the rescue and making it look like the kids were in no danger, they

would have. I was always the family resucer, the peacemaker, the one to keep

the family in tact. The first phone call I got from Nada was at 4 am, phone

off, it went straight to VM. When I got up at 7 am to check VM, the barage of

phone calls began. I was to immediately stop what I was doing (Christmas

shopping 2005 with hubby), and come rescue

the kids, see my BP sis in Treatment, and believe this cockamamy story Nada

thought up, that sis was gang raped, drugged, and forced into all this mess.

When I didn't do my normal behavior and run to them, this is the day my life

began.

That first week I went to my therapist and he gently told me that the fantasy

Mom and Sis that I had always dreamed of having was never going to happen.

Unless the both of them received serious treatment, 3-5 years, 4 times a wk,

with medication and most importantly, WILLINGNESS to get help-- I was going to

have to face the facts that I raised myself and to learn to depend on ME, my

higher power, and my family of choice. I was not eating or sleeping right.

Constantly worried about the next chaos drama to break out, worried about the

children not being fed or cared for. I lived underneath a raining cloud,

constant anxiety and depression. I had no choice but to go NC, if I wanted to

live.

You should've been in my shoes the first week that I sent the 2 year NC letter

out to the both of them. Nada called 52 times in the first 7 days. She calls

about 1X a month just to see if I will pick up. She hasn't in about 6 months.

You have to understand, the last incident I have just explained is only ONE

among thousands of outbreaks, incidents, betrayal, sexual and emotional incest,

suicide threats just for attention, manipulation, mind-games, smear campaigns,

addictions, alcoholism, and rage that I grew up with. As one book puts it I was

the Good Child lost with a Waif and a Witch pulling me down for their own

selfish gain or empowerment, or sense of heightened abandonment. Little did

they know, I was the least likely to abandon them. Like the loyal dog, kicked

in the head, I would always be there. I was like a puppet on strings completely

controlled by guilt and fear.

The realization I have come to, is that without treatment, they don't even

realize they have a disorder. I no longer blame them for having BP, I just

realize that I cannot be around them. My protection and sanity is far more

worth what I used to think. I actually have self-worth now, and it took 2 yrs

of NC to wake up and drain the co-dependent drug from my veins.

With me stepping out of the caretaker role, guess who had to fill my shoes?

Our Narcisstic Father who abandoned me with these two when I was 4. He is now

the one getting those phone calls, and let me tell ya, HE DOESN'T LIKE IT! If

it weren't for the 3 grandchildren, he would've stayed NC. Hell, he divorced my

nada at 4, and for the past 15 of my adult yrs he has been NC with her. At one

point, he was even NC with my sis, his own daughter, for at least 3 yrs, until

she became a mom. Everytime I see him or talk to him, he attempts to make me

feel guilty for this decision I have made. But, the way I see it, I carried the

torch for 31 yrs, it's his turn.

My two-year NC letters that I originally sent are expiring in one month. My

therapist and I have worked through a ton of guilt and shame and it's now time

for a Ten-Year NC letter.

A wise friend said, what a gift you are giving them (sis and mom). By

choosing to take care of yourself for ten more years, because they are still

sick, you might send a powerful message to them to get help. Maybe, but I thank

my therapist for getting me outta fantasy land.... Thank God the FOG has

lifted, and I am free.

Thanks for listening. Love to all you, and Happy Holidays!

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