Re

[Guest guest]

i didnt know if this belong on here or the socialward. but, i put

it on here because maybe others are dealing with things like this.

last night my mom tried to hurt me a bit by saying you know your

sister is moving back in two weeks. i said thats fine just tell her

not to wear body lotion. well, it turned into a verbal abuse thing

again and for the first time i saw and realized how to respond when

she controls me by invalidating. she said something to the effect

that i will never get better unless i seek help. which, doesnt make

a lot of sense since im a lot better then i was even 6 months ago.

but, i then said maybe if you seek help you will get better because

you are not normal. she got pissed and said she was normal and i

wasnt. i said according to who, you. and she said thats all in

just your head (she has used this a lot over the years and really

made me question myself). then i said maybe all this is in your

head. she didnt know what to do. this has been our relationhship

for so long when she wanted to curb me. she would attack me and i

would just get down on myself. and it wasnt that bad in our

relationship until the withdrawl of paxil because for the most part

i was a really good kid and didnt do much wrong. so the jabs were

at things that werent so hard to deal with.

i had a question of this? why me? why does, did she do this to me

because it worked? i think its a main reason whenever anything

didnt go right i would just start beating myself up. instead of

finding the best way to deal with something neg. and building myself

up for going through tough times. i would do the opposite. i would

and do even beat myself up for things that are not my fault-- sinus

infection requiring surgery, colds, lost friendships, my recent

tooth problem requiring a root canal, etc...

another thing is my sister is moving back in a couple weeks and when

she is at home i just feel worse. she was home all day yesterday

and i just feel like crap. today i feel a lot better. i do think

im ready to take on another job as long as that job doesnt involve

body lotion and perfumes. but, i dont know if im ready to venture

out on my own yet sensitivity wise, competancy wise, etc...... i

just started to become unsensitive enough to handle the rest of my

family a couple months ago.

i may just try to find a place to give me a break from my sister and

then when she is gone at work go back home. that way i can still

get help if something goes wrong, i need food, etc....

jason