Re: abuser gets what he wants – his kids detach and abandon him to his great relief.

[Guest guest]

That's about when she started hating me, too! I think it was 11

though. She always makes comments about how I've " treated her like

sh*t since the 5th grade. " Seriously...I was a REALLY good child,

but that IS about the time I started thinking more for myself, so

that explains it! She also always makes little comments about " I

miss little Jessi, you were such a sweet girl when you were a child,

and look at you now. " LOL Most moms would be proud to have a

daughter like me.

> >

> > Has anyone read Malignant Self Love? The woman who wrote

Boomerang

> Love

> > recommended it to me. I just ordered it only - expensive, even

the

> used copy

> > I got was over $50.

> >

> > Anyway, I wanted to share this section from his website at

> > http://samvak. tripod.com/ abuse13.html

> >

> > Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or

confronting

> him.. They

> > are perfect, malleable and abundant Sources of Narcissistic

Supply.

> The

> > narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous

> relations

> > with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced

and

> > dependent " bodies " .

> >

> > Yet, the older the offspring, the more they become critical, even

> > judgemental, of the abusive parent. They are better able to put

> into context

> > and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to

anticipate

> his

> > moves. As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the

> mindless

> > pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what

he

> has done

> > to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance.

> They can

> > gauge his true stature, talents and achievements †" which,

usually,

> lag far

> > behind the claims that he makes.

> >

> > This brings the abusive parent back a full cycle. Again, he

> perceives his

> > sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and

> devaluing.

> > He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and

cold,

> rejects

> > any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the

> > preciousness and scarceness of his time.

> >

> > He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and

> claustrophobic. He

> > wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have

> become

> > totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand

> why he has

> > to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes

himself

> to have

> > been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

> >

> > He rebels either passively-aggressiv ely (by refusing to act or

by

> intentionally

> > sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly

critical,

> > aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and

so

> on).

> > Slowly †" to justify his acts to himself †" he gets immersed in

> conspiracy

> > theories with clear paranoid hues.

> >

> > To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek

to

> > belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him,

or

> stymie

> > his growth. The abuser usually finally gets what he wants †" his

> kids detach

> > and abandon him to his great sorrow, but also to his great relief.

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

OY!! I would hear " Where is that sweet little Mercy I knew and

loved?? She's gone! Bring back the Mercy I love. I don't like this

new Mercy. She doesn't treat me the way the old Mercy did. Throw

her in the closet and bring back the old Mercy. "

I was a good kid too! Not a troublemaker or anything. Shoot,...I

was so verbally abused I was afraid of my own shadow! And sure

enough it was around the time I was 12/13.

Insanity! I can't even imagine saying those kind of things to my

kiddos.

Kindest regards,

Mercy

> >

> > The age of 12 seems to be a magic number with the BPD.

> >

>