To Lottie from Jen Z.

[Guest guest]

Lottie,

I can understand the place that you are right now, because I have

been there before, both before I had chronic illness and pain, and

after. I have bipolar II disorder, and mixed with dealing with pain

and illness too, sometimes, it doesn't paint a pretty picture.

I've been in that bad place, and I also lost my last job because of

my illnesses. It sometimes makes me feel angry and resentful when

people tell me to suck it up and push forward, mostly because it's

telling me that they don't really understand me or my pain. If there

was a way to " push through " pain, don't they think I would have found

it by now?

That dark place you are in is definitely a very lonely and cold

place, and one where you are not going to thrive, let alone get where

you want to be. The things you are only going to make the PAIN

thrive. Living in your room avoiding contact with people, and not

eating, depression thrives on these things.

None of us is the person we were before pain came into our lives.

Someone once told me about this research that was done that said for

every 6 months you are in pain, you go through a personality change.

I'm not sure if I agree with that, but I do believe that living with

chronic pain DOES change you, and it can bring on depression. Are

you taking an anti-depressant? If so, maybe it's time for a dosage

increase or a change. If not, there is no shame in taking one.

I also think that therapy, if you are not already seeing a therapist,

would be a good idea. If money is a problem, check with your local

Mental Health Board. Most towns or counties had a counselling center

that works on a sliding fee scale. I really do think having yourself

committed is way too drastic of a step.

You can come back out of that place you are in Lottie, and step back

into the sunlight. You still have the fight in you, it just needs a

little shove in the right direction. We're all here behind you! One

thing you could possibly do is check out Vocational Rehabilitation

through your local Jobs and Family Services. They can offer you a

wide variety of services, and a whole lot of help, all for free. All

you have to do is reach out and ask for it.

We all yearn for our old lives, for our lives to be " normal " again,

but unfortunately, for most of us, it's impossible to go back to

that. All we can do is try to create a new sense of normalcy for

ourselves, find out what we still can do, and figure out what ELSE we

can do in the place of things we just can't do anymore. Sometimes,

the " new " normal turns out to be more rewarding because it empowers

us, and reminds us that we still are VERY able and capable people.

Here if you need me,

Jen Z.