Guest guest Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hello All, I have let my boyfriend know about my chronic pelvic pain and how there are just some days it affects me more than others. I take medication to help manage the pain but sometimes it still gets to me both physicall and mentally. Yesterday was one of these days so I mentioned to him I was having a really hard day. It was recieved with silence. I'm not sure what I was expecting but avoiding it altogether just seems the wrong approach. Last week when it came up (he was trying to get physical and it was hurting too much for me to even consider getting aroused) he told me I should just get it removed. When I explained " it " was my uterus/ovaries and I'm only 25 and want to try for children removal is not an option right now. So I'm afraid he just doesn't get it...and is not making much effort to. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn't know what to say but it's still hard. Have any of you ran into this? Any advice on how to make it a more open discussion? Am I expecting too much by thinking this is something we should be able to talk about? I'd hate for my pain to become an issue between us due to his inaction, but I don't know what to think at this point. Also, thanks again to all of you for your support in the past. I have not posted for a while but just knowing there is a community that understands chronic pain and is open to discuss it really helps. Thanks in advance for you input on this. I hope you are all having great weeks. starr/MT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 starr wrote:Yesterday was one of these days so I mentioned to him I was having a really hard day. It was recieved with silence. I'm not sure what I was expecting but avoiding it altogether just seems the wrong approach. Starr, The exact same thing happened to me last night. I want to discuss my pain and options and I get dead silence. No reaction, no response and to me that equals, NO SUPPORT! I cried. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm in this alone, even though I have many supportive friends, I want my husband involved too. Is that too much to ask? I took my husband to therapy the last time I was feeling this way and he shaped up considerably. Maybe I need to do that again. In his defense, he lost his father last year and the holidays were really hard on him. I try to be there for him, but don't know how sometimes. Maybe he is thinking the same thing. I'm thinking since they can't fix the problem, it bugs them to even hear about it. When I ask about it he says " what do you want me to say " ? Sometimes he writes supportive messages in emails but that is not the same as hearing it and getting a hug or SOMETHING! So I'm right there with you. If you go to therapy, maybe you could drag your partner along to address the issues? That is all I can think of right now, besides communication, which is what we are upset about to begin with! Take care, Caitlin . --------------------------------- Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know. Ask your question on Yahoo! Answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Caitlin Kennedy wrote: > I cried. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm in this alone, even though I have many supportive friends, I want my husband involved too. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps your husband is very scared of all the things that are happening to you. This whole chronic pain deal is extremely hard on the people who love us the most. Sometimes shutting down for awhile is the only coping mechanism that seems to work. -- Lyndi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 Thanks Lyndi, I know its hard for him too and that I am highly emotional about these issues which does not help the matter. I am not speaking badly of him, he is a good person. I think sometimes we get so consumed with our pain we don't even realize what it does to our partners to have to watch us or the emotional burden they have to carry as well. Caitlin Lyndi wrote:Perhaps your husband is very scared of all the things that are happening to you. This whole chronic pain deal is extremely hard on the people who love us the most. Sometimes shutting down for awhile is the only coping mechanism that seems to work. -- --------------------------------- Everyone is raving about the all-new Yahoo! Mail beta. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2007 Report Share Posted January 10, 2007 > Sometimes shutting down for awhile is the only coping mechanism that seems to work. I guess for my guy it's not really shutting down, it seems more avoiding the issue/unwilling to talk with me about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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