Re: Hey, I need a little advice

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

My mom and dad are the same way. They don't think that you should ever share

your family problems with anyone. However, after my mom tried to commit suicide

when I was a kid, she started therapy. She talks to the therapist but no one

else.

I know you've been going through a really tough time lately and you have some

very serious decisions to make in your life. You really need to go. You need

to tell him that the therapist is trained to help you get through the tough

times and that he/she can guide you and direct you to the proper treatment for

your depression so that you can make wise clear-headed decisions.

I know you aren't giving up but you really do need an outsider to talk to. You

need someone who has no family involvement at all to help make decisions. This

person can help you without bias. If it would make him feel better assure him

that they are not allowed to discuss your case with others and that he would be

welcomed to come with you if he would like. Maybe he would feel better being in

the room the first time.

Hang in there Cheryl. Things will get better and your family really needs you

well. Every day that you wait is another day that they are worrying about you.

I know. I've been there. My mom actually tried to commit suicide 3-4 times

over the years and thankfully is still here with us.

I'm now 46 but still remember when she first tried when I was very young.

Please quit worrying about what his reservations might be and make the

appointment. Your family will get over it when you are back to the old Cheryl -

happy and thinking clearly.

My thoughts are with you right now. Please, please make the appointment.

Robyn

>Cheryl wrote:

I live with a wonderful man. He is very understanding about most things.

However, he doesnt understand therapy. He wouldnt mind if I took an

anti-depressant, but, to air our dirty laundry, in public, that would be too

much.

[Guest guest]

Would he be open to you attending support groups? They arent exactly therapy,

but do help in the same way.

Sometimes, however, to get ourselves in a healthier state of mind, or

significant other cant understand why talking to them wont help us. I had a

similar issue with my ex boyfriend.

He had a very hard time with me going to a male dr for anything. He thought they

were all perverts, and that if a man did a pap smear on me, he considered that

cheating. ( I know it sounds ridiculous). If I had no other choice but to see a

male Dr, I would just keep that part from him.

I know that honesty is the best policy. But when it comes to our health, some of

us have to omit some things just to save a huge argument. You dont have to take

my advice, but its my two cents anyways.

Take care,

Angie

[Guest guest]

Angie wrote:

> I had a similar issue with my ex boyfriend. He had a very hard time with me

going to a male dr for anything. He thought they were all perverts, and that if

a man did a pap smear on me, he considered that cheating. ( I know it sounds

ridiculous). If I had no other choice but to see a male

> Dr, I would just keep that part from him.

Hi Angie

I'm cheered to read that this man you described is your EX boyfriend.

Spending your entire adult life with someone that jealous, and that out of touch

with reality, would very likely have turned your days and nights into a living

hell. Life is too short to spend it with someone who has that little

understanding of how the real world works.

--

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Cheryl in TX,

A few years ago I was in a place where I needed someone to talk to

other than my wife and she didn't like the idea of me airing our

family laundry either. My mother believed therapists were little

more than " witch doctors " . I tried to bend to their opinions and

held off for quite a while but I finally realized I needed to talk

to someone other than my spouse if I was ever going to be happy. I

think my wife didn't like the idea of me going because she feared

the truth of our relationship would come out and, with it, drastic

change.

I almost didn't make it. I had an appointment with a therapist and

was unable to make it because that was the day I had a breakdown

that put me in the psychiatric hospital. After that my wife was less

inclined to worry about who I talked to and more inclined to admit

that some problems are beyond the reach of spousal advice.

If you think you need help, then you probably do need help and

waiting will only make things worse, both for you and for your

partner.

Good luck and prayers to you in dealing with your situation.

Charlie Fox

[Guest guest]

Moderator's note:

We have two Cheryl's. The one who posted this original question, is Cheryl in

TX. Our other Cheryl, is Cheryl in AZ.

We also have several Jen's. They are each using the first letter of their last

names to distinguish between them.

Please be sure you write which person you are responding to in all your

messages.

Thanks

Kaylene

Hi Cheryl:

It sounds to me like you're too isolated and his

opinion is too important. Yes, our man's opinion

counts, but we have our own lives to live, too, and

our own decisions to make. It's up to you if you go to

a therapist, don't you think? I went to one, tried

that route, and can say it didn't help.

I was very isolated myself and got more active in

church and church activites. It's amazing how many

friends I've made there, wonderful people. I'm going

to an art workshop tonight. I joined a choir, I go out

twice a week at least. It's up to us to get out and be

sociable. I'd like to suggest that you think about it.

It would make you so much happier. Joan

>

>Cheryl in TX wrote:

I appreciate this group, so, I can have someone to

> talk to, Sorry for dumping on you today, I jjust

> dont know what to do. Any suggestions would be

> appreciated.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl in TX wrote:

I appreciate this group, so, I can have someone to talk to, Sorry

for dumping on you today, Any suggestions would be appreciated.

---

Hi, Cheryl,

My name is " Cyn " and I am a " newbie " I guess lol but you can " dump "

on me all you like and I will be there to listen. My nursing background

does help as we were trained to listen very well to what the patinet

is verbalizing as well as body language, but not on computer,lol

--

Cyn K.