Snooty Rheumotology doc and questons thereafter..Was Kathys Intro

[Guest guest]

First, Welcome Kathy, you've come to a place that is supportive and will be here

for you day or night!

I just read Kathys introduction and realized I have some serious doubts going on

in my head due to a recent visit with a Rheumotologist. I was also told at the

end of October by a snooty rheumotology doc that all I needed was some restful

sleep. He got upset with me when I read off the list of pain and lethargy

issues, and sent me home with a prescription for a neck pillow, another sleep

study, and lots of serious questions in my mind as to whether I'm really sick

and in pain or if its all my imagination.

I know that I'm in pain, however, am I making it out to be more than it is?

Should I be able to " just function " through it all? These are the questons that

wander through my mind when I allow myself to think about my health and the

collapse of my life over the past five years. Am I truly lazy as my daughters

boyfreinds parents think? And the loss of a few jobs over missing work due to

health issues-is it because I just don't want to work as my wusband believes?

I truly wish I knew all the answers to these questions. What really gets to me

is that somewhere in my soul I know all of these cruel and uncaring people

shouldn't matter and that I'm in serious pain and discomfort. I have to take

copious drugs to sleep, I never feel rested, and something as simple as doing

the dishes takes me down for most of the day. Its no way to live.

My kids suffer the most. Financially its been so difficult that we were evicted

from our home, lived in a hotel for three months, and are still going day to day

on groceries. They had a Mom who was always involved in their lives, tons of

energy, there for every ballgame, every important moment in their lives, and all

of that came to a screeching halt after my first of three back surgeries. I was

still in recovery from my first surgery when I found out my Mom was sick. I

lost my job, she passed away, my sister passed away, I had another surgery, two

of my cats died, and then my spouse got tired of all the pain and muddled mental

state and left. After the third surgery in which they fused two of my discs I

was left in more pain than before. How do we, as people in pain and on all of

these meds, stay in a positive state of mind? I am a positive person, or, at

least I used to be, honestly I'm not sure who I am at this point. If I look at

the way I live and try to come to some conclusion, I find that I beat myself up

and get furious with who I have become.

On top of everything else I don't think I've actually grieved over the loss of

my job, my Mom and Sister, or even my spouse. The pain rolls over me in waves

when I least expect it and rocks my world . I am doing as some very wonderful

people in this group suggested and meeting with a councelor soon, but I'm

terrified that this doctor will just tell me that I'm not truly feeling anything

unusual. I was so excited when I went to see the Rheumotologist. I had seen

this groups wonderful words of how their doctors finally helped them be heard.

What I didn't pay attention to was how many people had to visit before finding

the right doc who would listen.

This dark depression that has taken over is frightning. Do these so called

doctors realize their playing with peoples emotions and fears when they poo poo

our pain and exhaustion? I didn't know what had caused this major spiral in my

emotions until I read Kathys experience with her doctor visit. I know now what

the breaking point was, but it still doesn't take away my doubts and trepidation

about visiting with a councelor. Anybody got some words of wisdom or just

straight encouragement for me today? I know I've only written twice recently,

and both letters have been long and whiny..but I need some help or I just might

get lost in my own doubts and self oppression. All of you are so kind..thanks

for you patience and your willingness to listen.

Charlotte in WA.

Check out my webpage!! http://www.myspace.com/bigmama83166

Add me on Yahoo messenger: Lottie2u

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" To worry about others approval makes you their prisoner "

~Tao Te Ching

Intro-newbie-Kathy from Massachusetts. I call myself K2

[Guest guest]

Hi Charlotte,

Please try not to doubt your experience. I saw many Drs. before finding

one who actually looked at my MRIs and listened. Most of them made it pretty

clear I was taking too much of their time and was " crazy " to be actually

expecting something from them. I got angry with a couple of them which was an

entirely new experience for me!

I found it helpful to think to myself, if this was my daughter telling this

doctor this information and that doctor talked to her that way, how would I

respond? I wasn't very good at taking care of myself, and was much better at

watching out for others. It eventually worked.

I must say I ran into some pretty defensive, rude people in the process, but, do

not help them by acting as if you are wrong. You know far more than they exactly

how you feel. If the doctor you see will not pay attention, then don't go back

to them. Don't waste your time with an uncooperative doctor.

Doctors have some mean names for patients who bounce around from

one doctor to another, but finally finding the one who believes you, who thinks

treating your pain is a challenge rather than a " pain " , is well worth it! The

difference in the quality of my life with proper meds is so great, I give thanks

every day!

I am sorry that our medical system is still pretty unsupportive of dealing with

chronic pain, but try not to let yourself be discouraged by their ignorance and

their laziness and don't accept poor treatment. You are entitled, by law, to

pain management.

Elise

>Charlotte wrote:

>I have some serious doubts going on in my head due to a recent visit with a

Rheumotologist.

[Guest guest]

Charlotte,

You have way too much going on, too many different things to deal with. I am

just SO glad that you've decided to meet with a counselor to help you sort

through things. I'm a big advocate of therapy, as my own therapy has helped me

deal with so many different traumas in my life, and continues to do so.

One thing that I can tell you is, Do not give up on finding a doctor who will

give you a real diagnosis. It's pitiful that the medical profession hasn't

changed its attitude since 1990, when I started having pain in my right wrist. I

went to see a local orthopedist, I had an X-ray taken and was told it was

probably just a sprain, ice it, heat it, have a good life. Oh--and you can have

an MRI if you " want " to. I asked the doc, Do I need an MRI? Why would I want one

if I don't need one? I wanted to scream at him, YOU are the doctor, YOU figure

it out!

Long story short, I eventually did get an MRI done after traipsing from one

orthopedist to another, one rheumatologist to another. I suffered through

cortisone shots in the hand, I was prescribed methotrexate for the pain, and in

the meantime, I had to hire a full-time nanny to help me with my toddler and

infant.

I'd finally gotten to the point where I was ready to give up when I told

myself, Okay, one more orthopedist and that's it. I dragged my 6-month-old MRI

and a bad attitude in to his office. He put the films into the light box and

within a minute said, " There's the problem. " It was a rare kind of break. I

wasn't crazy after all! It took me eleven months to get the proper diagnosis and

have the surgery to fix my wrist. And I will never, ever forget the experience.

The point is, if this rheumatologist is a jerk, go see another one. And

another. I know what a pain in the butt it is to drag yourself from doctor to

doctor when you're in pain, but there ARE doctors out there who listen and try

to help their patients, rather than dismiss their pain and other symptoms.

As for the home front and your economic situation: Have you applied for SSDI?

If you can no longer work, you're entitled to benefits, even though you'll

probably have to fight for them. (I'm in the process of trying to get my

disability benefits myself.) If things are so bad that you're living hand to

mouth, have you considered going to a local food bank? There's no shame in

needing help, you know. You've paid your dues to society all these years. Now

you can accept the help of others to help you and your family get by.

Are your kids working and contributing to the household? Sounds like they're

old enough to contribute, and old enough to learn that there's no such thing as

a free ride. I'm dealing with this very issue with my own kids now, too. I'm

also dealing with my son's attitude, which could use some serious adjusting. So

I know where you're coming from on this.

I'm confident that a good counselor will help you sort through the myriad of

problems you have right now, as well as help you grieve the loss of your mother

and sister, your job and your spouse, your independence and health. If you don't

" click " with the first counselor you see, try another. And another.

I wish you a happier, healthier 2007.

Hugs,

a

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