-losing it

[Guest guest]

I mostly lurk and just read the posts which help me tremendously. Though some

of our diagnosis's are different I can relate to you. I have been in chronic

pain for the last 6 or 7 years from back and leg problems.

When I found out I have advanced chronic hepatitis c, it was like a slap in the

face. No doctor will do surgery because of the advanced liver damage.

Whenever I see the doctor, I'm either told I'm between a rock and a hard place

or that I am a mess. I always dread the doctor visits and become quite anxious

before going. It never fails they find something different, another diagnosis or

want more tests. And it is so very hard to get out even to these appointments.

I no longer have friends except through the internet. One person has helped me.

The psychiatrist I see got me into what they call Transitions and I have a

social worker that will take me out occasionally for my mental health. She has

been a God send but she doesn't really understand the physical part of my

problems.

I also take care of my husband that has a bone marrow malignancy and all the

responsibilities of the home or what's left of it. LOL.

I don't worry about small things like Christmas shopping etc anymore. If our

grown children and grandchildren get gifts this year, it will be whatever I can

make or sew. If they don't understand, the problem is theirs.

I do the best I can and that's all I can do. I refuse to beat myself up over

small things anymore. But , it took me years to come to this acceptance.

My heart goes out to you in your loneliness and frustration. We are all

frustrated with our illness at times and may never know why these things happen

to us. I was a RN before becoming disabled. We lost our home and car and our

credit is ruined. Our 6 grown children tend to avoid us because they can't

handle seeing us so different. The one thing I miss most is walking and taking

care of others. I do my best to stay focused on what I can do.

Just remember, you are not alone, I care and so many others on this list do

also. Blessings, judy

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not

protect you.